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From a previous thread, it appears that you moved from NY to NC, back to NY because of the culture shock, and now you're back in NC? Take into account that all these moves are taking away money that you could be saving for a down payment.
Fascinating stuff that you've seen this happen so often. Some people are on their worst behavior after someone dies and there is money to be had unfortunately. Also seems like a dodgy life strategy to rely on your parent's house so much, but maybe that's just me
It's very common to protect a housing situation via a will. Example when someone remarries after a spouse dies and they live in their home...they may write it into their will that the widow/widower can live in the home until he or she dies but then it goes to the kids. Something like that.
I think wealthy parents - not so wealthy adult kids = unusual nastiness.
Frankly I think it is weird that so many adults with families are living in their parent's house. Several times I was surprised to learn the family does not own their home that i have visited several times, but mom, who lived in the back, or upstairs or wherever owned it and now it is being sold. We do not know all of the people personally, but when you discuss how odd this is, more and more people pipe in with "oh that happened to *** too. 16 is the number we know of. There may be more, but I doubt it. It is a smallish community. 10K people is not tiny, but it still acts like a small community. Everyone seems to know everyone's business, especially amongst the wealthy families, most of whom have lived here for generations.
It is also sad to me when a property that has been in one family for three or five generations gets sold off because of this. If I had siblings living in a generations old family home, I would make whatever accommodations are necessary to keep them living there unless there was no other choice possible (like no one can afford to pay the taxes due, or to perform necessary maintenance and repairs and the home is going to be lost).
It sounds crazy to me. What about the expense of moving everything again? Times 2 if you go back to NC? Pick up some extra shifts at the hospital or wherever you work there and stay put. Don't mess up your kids lives with another move. And moving in with parents? Maybe they say its fine, but after a few weeks or months, this gets really old. I would not do it but it's your life.
I'm surprised so many people disagree with the OP. It seems like I see people living with parents all the time. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks living with parents should be a last resort.
It's actually fairly common these days for adult kids, with or without spouse, with or without kids, to live with parents for a few years, to save up money to buy a house. I don't see a problem with it; it sounds very practical, IF everyone gets along, the parents (the parent/grandparents) aren't overbearing, kids are well-behaved and considerate, etc. Usually these arrangements happen before there are kids, true, which makes it a lot easier.
Also, there are potential issues here of jerking the kids in and out of different schools, disrupting their social lives. There's a lot to think about, before taking the plunge. I wonder if there are alternative ways to save money (granted, over a longer term than just 1 year) for a downpayment in NC.
^^^This^^^. I had to move in with my mother after my husband died and I was diagnosed with cancer. It was awful. If I left one thing in the sink she would ask me "is there a reason why you left all those things in the sink". She wanted the a/c set at 82 and I was roasting and miserable after having major surgery. It almost ruined our relationship, which was tenuous to begin with.
Most mothers are going to treat you like a child no matter how old you are.
Ha ha ha! When I was 50, my mother told me that I was washing her dishes the wrong way.
I'm not against the concept of living with family to save up money for a down payment. But moving back from NC to NY and then back to NC again, plus putting all your stuff in storage is going to take a sizeable chunk out of that $17000 you hope to save.
I don't think it's worth uprooting your family YET again, for a few thousand dollars.
Can you pick up some extra shifts? Does your husband have the ability to work some OT or get a part time job? You could probably bring in as much extra money as you might be able to save once all those moving expenses are factored in.
And check out first time home buyer programs, some of them allow for small down payments, which might also make it easier to get into a house sooner rather than later.
Yes, 16 times over 10 years in a community of just 10,000 people (about 4,000 households) is a large amount. That is why it is remarkable to us. It happens a lot because of the nature of our community. There are a lot of older highly successful people whose kids are not as successful. Homes on one road average somewhere around $1 million up, which i is huge for Michigan. Still their kids want to raise the grandkids here because it is an amazing community. Grandma and Grandpa agree. Family moves in, lives there for 8 or 10 years and mom and dad die. Parents try to figure out a way to keep their kids in school through graduation or even a way to buy the house eventually. Siblings want money right now. Want the house empty now. They often want all the contents sold the fastest way possible to get the house empty and then the house sold the fastest way possible even if it means somewhat less money. What is important is they want money right now. Siblings tell the family to get out or they will have them evicted. This is not always the case, but it is ridiculously common. Sad thing is some of these famiies could afford a less grand house int he same community if they had time to save and search, having to get out now, they end up in a condo or moving to some other community.
Some parents might do something to ensure the family can stay for a while. Not sure. but I think many never even think about it. The people we know or learned about clearly did nto do that. They just figure their kids will work things out amongst themselves. They are all nice people and love each other right? That is where the shock comes in. Your loving brother shows up and tells you to get out of the house and get it sold in one month or else. But Sara will graduate from high school in three more months - "too bad move out now." What about if I make payments to you to buy out your interest over time "No I want all the money right now. I want an expensive sports car. Get out" Yes, some of them are quite surprised.
Of course, you can look at it from the point of view of the sibling. Let's say that you are paying $2,000 (just a round figure) a month for your house/mortgage/taxes for those same 8 to 10 years that sister or brother is living in a great house, in a great school district rent free, that's $192,000 to $240,000 that you have spent that your sibling has received from your parents for free.
Or, let's say that they are getting $3,000 a month "worth" of free housing that would jump the figures to $288,000 to $360,000. Of course, it would be better to give the sibling more time to move or the parents should have come up with a better plan but I can imagine some siblings would say "Enough is enough. You were on the 'gravy train' for years. Now it is our turn to benefit."
I know a family that has a somewhat similar situation like that right now. The sibling who is living rent free (in one of his parent's houses) is able to take expensive vacations, buy very expensive "toys" and save a huge amount for his retirement while his siblings who have to pay their mortgages are really, really struggling. And, yes, those siblings are pretty resentful.
Now, in their case the parents have planned for the future and have divided their estate in such a way that the child living rent free will get a much smaller share of the final estate because he already received so much more over the years than his siblings received (because of the years of free rent). So, in the long run it may be equal (hard to really tell) but right now it does seem pretty unfair.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-14-2017 at 07:42 PM..
oh baby. let me just say that checking some place out on line is 1000 times different than living there. You know I read that 50% of retirees who move down south end up returning to where they lived within 3 years. A guy name Ron Stack has a very humorous book on retiring to Florida, he's a real estate agent and makes a nice living on selling house to people moving into the state and then selling the very same house when they move out.
I want to move to a shore community, I did every thing you said. research, researched, and then researched some more. On the advice of my Financial adviser I did rent for a year and he was right, living there was nothing like I thought it would be.
Sorry I call it the "childbirth" experience. you can research all you want about having a kid and raising them but until you do it, you are just playing make believe.
oh I decided not to move permanently to my chosen spot. I'm still looking but it wasn't what I thought it would be like.
Maybe 1% of the people that moved where I did move in 3 years. Some people here buy online without ever setting foot in the state, and they are still here.
It sounds like you didn't know what you were looking for. Again you give no examples on how it was different than you thought it would be let alone 1000.
I have done this. I haven't had one surprise. When I got here I spent 2 days driving around to double check. I really doubt you researched thoroughly. Don't ever insult me because you couldn't figure it out or probably didn't even know what you wanted!
I would stay put, and maybe find a place with cheaper rent for a few months. find a way to cut back on frivolous expenses, you know, tighten the belt. a purchase can be had with just 5% down, so it is reachable. Just consider moving to where you can afford. It might not be the nicest neighborhood, but it would be your own home.
moving with your parents, your husbands in laws, does come with problems, for your husband. It is not easy letting things go, as an adult. The dynamics are very large. You and Hubby are the Bosses of your family, and the constant stepping on your toes , by parents, will become a frustrating experience.
For one, that free alone time, between couples, when the kids are in school, will be gone. walking around the house in undies is gone. volume on music/tv is gone.
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