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So much bile in that post that I need an antacid...
yeah that was bizarre. And funny that she closed with telling the OP to get help because someone absolutely needs help but it's not the OP....
In any case, OP, I would go for the "empathetic but firm" approach. Validate their feelings by agreeing this is a big change, and it will be sad at times to not live in close proximity, but then stand firm about this being the right move for your (immediate) family and you hope they will be excited for you and will enjoy getting to know a new part of the country when they visit you once you are settled.
All you can do is control your own reactions, you can't change theirs. And if theirs are over the top and ridiculous, then that's on them, not you.
The family crazies are why we don't tell people what we're planning until we've signed paperwork and made actual plans. When we built our house in SC, everyone thought we were just going on vacation. We did go on a vacation, but we also purchased a lot, made a downpayment on a house to be built, and picked out all of the finishes. We when moved to NY, we didn't tell anyone until we came up to buy a house. Far less drama this way.
Your sister-in-law sounds like a nutcase. I'd stop visiting with her until she can get ahold of herself.
Wow. It is self centric to ask the obvious, why are you uprooting your minor child to go live in the mountains? all this over your imaginary "calling"?
Why are you leaving your family?? Besides this "calling" which is causing this decision to be so "tough" so your family not dare to make it worse on you. Geeze Louise.
Your son is still a child. How about admitting the REAL reason why you are ripping him away from his grandparents?
You call it "a calling" which is of the bible. Calling by God is not rooted in selfishness. So unless there is something not mentioned, this is about as opposite of a calling by God as you can get.
I hope you've inadvertently omitted something. Maybe so. If it was a job opportunity and you all were low income, sure then they could probably understand the move. Even encourage the move though they would miss you all, especially your son. A Health reason you need to move maybe. My BIL & SIL moved to Hawaii, she can now breathe. Her last visit here sent her to the ER so they had good reason to uproot their child. He wanted to move for the sake of his mother but certainly, otherwise, would not want to be torn from loved ones & close friends. From Grandparents. Teenagers are at a stage they need their friends more than ever.
I think they'll do fine without you since just the fact you are turning the tables of a normal healthy, loving reaction by family into something abnormal, tells me alot about you. You don't even feel bad ripping their grandchild away. Instead you are snarky about it. This is unreal.
Wait until your son has graduated high school. Don't uproot him for your own selfish gain. It's cruel. He's 14 so you only need to wait a few more years. Especially if he was raised in daycare. After that, you are not obligated to do what is right for your child. Then the wind can call you to where-ever it wants.
Then if YOU want to go, well Bon Voyage. Go by yourself then if you absolutely have to.
Of course not. It would never cross my mind to aimlessly uproot my son out of being with his regular friends and loved ones, especially his grandparents, so I can go live in the Mountains. Not even admitting it was my self gratification but labeling it a lie "a calling, "a tough decision" instead of being straight up with them. Lying and deceiving is not the right answer
This is no tough decision. It's a fantasy of yours to move when you choose to, that's all. You are not torn between two job offers you need, you are not torn between keeping your son with loved ones & his friends versus risking your health or his fathers. This is NOT TOUGH AT ALL. To think such is evidence of narcissism. You need to get into counseling to learn apathy for others. To learn how to bond and form attachments that matter. You don't even call your Sister in law your sister in law but instead, your husbands sister. As if she is of no relation to you. Please get help. Someone is missing a sensitivity chip bigtime if this post is reflective of the big picture
Wow. This whole post was full of nasty.
But as for the "husband's sister" vs. "sister-in-law", it was likely the OP's way of clarifying how the woman in question was related to her. On more than one occasion, my mom has said, "My sister-in-law and I", only to have somebody ask her "Do you mean your husband's sister or your brother's wife?"
My 21-yo son, a senior at Vanderbilt University, just spent 10 weeks in a paid summer internship in Boulder, CO. He said it was the best 10 weeks of his life, and he has every intention of moving to CO as soon as he graduates in May. Born and raised in OH, he told me, "Everything is brighter in Boulder," and he wasn't just talking about the weather.
Sure, when someone else pays for everything, Boulder must seem great to a kid. Once you grow up and realize that you're surrounded by rich left wing lunatics who hold funerals for elk, things seem different. Oh, the average price of a house in Boulder topped a mil last year, if money matters.
None of these people against the move must be or ever have been in the military. I grew up an Army brat and we moved frequently. I suppose because of that, I've never experienced the reactions the OP has. Sadness to see you go, sure, but no animosity.
We moved cross country as adults. No kids. My family adapted just fine. My wife's not so fine.
My one regret almost 20 years later is that I wasn't more firm early on about certain behaviors and boundaries of family members, friends, and yes, my wife.
I do not understand this post. The family adapted just fine so what was the beef ? What would you do with your wife, reprogram her.......? Just curious, lol.......
I can't understand this supposed attachment.. I have had friends and family move and I have moved and everyone has been fine with it.....
I personally would tell your SIL, to either **** or get on board....
I think this comes more in rural areas where family has long history of staying in place and conforming to expectations for how to live your lives...
We were not happy when our daughter married someone who was living in FL and they didn't want to move/stay in our area of TX -- which would have been easier for him at that time since he was consultant who traveled S-F and DFW was better airport than SRQ that he used...
They have been there for over decade--he has changed jobs once of his own volition and been let go twice--
Finding a well-paying job in his experience/area is not easy--now getting half salary he was 3 yrs ago...
Still won't consider moving to our area
His home area in rural north MS is NOT a place to find a better job and he hates the racist atmosphere
Would never raise their son there...
I think running your business long distance will be much more difficult than you envision
And your son is likely going to have more difficult transition into high school vs elementary school
But your lives---your choices...
But as for the "husband's sister" vs. "sister-in-law", it was likely the OP's way of clarifying how the woman in question was related to her. On more than one occasion, my mom has said, "My sister-in-law and I", only to have somebody ask her "Do you mean your husband's sister or your brother's wife?"
Yes it was re-iterating word for word, the OP. I wouldn't call it nasty, that's a bit too much.
Self centered and narcissistic since it appeared the hate towards her own kin who will miss their loved ones was pretty extreme
But in all fairness, as I stated, "If this post is reflective of the big picture" It may not be. So let's play nice and assume there could be a good reason why she is uprooting her children, tearing the child away form grandparents, aunts, uncles friends. We just don't know. We do know it is not "A Calling". Good grief
Last edited by SierraCountyMtnBiker; 09-27-2017 at 06:52 PM..
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