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Old 12-08-2017, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,703 posts, read 1,886,903 times
Reputation: 11373

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I hated Washington State so much I took a 20k pay cut to return to Texas, with a government paid PCS, and will retire in 7 days. Master plan worked.

 
Old 12-08-2017, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Back and Beyond
2,852 posts, read 2,771,488 times
Reputation: 6634
Assuming you flown back every single weekend for the last 3 years you've been on an airplane 312 times for at least 1560 hours and spent at least $100,000 doing so, not to mention the cost of maintaining two residences....

You'd be better off taking a $100,000 a year pay cut to move back home when it's all said and done.
 
Old 12-09-2017, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,043 posts, read 4,020,226 times
Reputation: 13561
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6.7traveler View Post
Assuming you flown back every single weekend for the last 3 years you've been on an airplane 312 times for at least 1560 hours and spent at least $100,000 doing so, not to mention the cost of maintaining two residences....

You'd be better off taking a $100,000 a year pay cut to move back home when it's all said and done.
Agreed! I honestly canít understand how your wife and kids left without you in the first Place! Money aside, I would never split my family up like that. You need to move ASAP before you find yourself divorced!
 
Old 12-09-2017, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,049 posts, read 21,806,433 times
Reputation: 22304
My husband and I did what you and your wife are doing for years. Not by choice, but necessity. His job had him gone every week and only home on weekends. It was extremely hard on the kids and our marriage.

Take the pay cut and be with your family. I started resenting my husband for not being a contributor to the family. Financially? Yes. However I do everything else. You can’t help from 3000 miles away.
 
Old 12-09-2017, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,804,933 times
Reputation: 20547
Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
Agreed! I honestly canít understand how your wife and kids left without you in the first Place! Money aside, I would never split my family up like that. You need to move ASAP before you find yourself divorced!
Many couples are apart. My hustused to travel for work. He was lucky to come home for weekends. He didn't come home every weekend. If he was lucky, he'd get home around midnight Friday and leave around 1pm Sunday. Just long enough to do laundry! That's nothing compared to military folks who are gone for months at a time

Was it easy? But you do what you need to do to pay the bills. No one said being a grown up was fun. Our marriage survived it but we also made an effort to make it work.
 
Old 12-09-2017, 09:31 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,771 posts, read 9,075,789 times
Reputation: 11213
Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
Agreed! I honestly canít understand how your wife and kids left without you in the first Place! Money aside, I would never split my family up like that. You need to move ASAP before you find yourself divorced!
If you ask me it sounds like they're already divorced they just haven't done the paperwork.
 
Old 12-09-2017, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,043 posts, read 4,020,226 times
Reputation: 13561
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Many couples are apart. My hustused to travel for work. He was lucky to come home for weekends. He didn't come home every weekend. If he was lucky, he'd get home around midnight Friday and leave around 1pm Sunday. Just long enough to do laundry! That's nothing compared to military folks who are gone for months at a time

Was it easy? But you do what you need to do to pay the bills. No one said being a grown up was fun. Our marriage survived it but we also made an effort to make it work.
I understand husbands who travel a lot for work. Mine does as well and he's gone from 3-14 days at a time. We also have 2 kids and it's hard on all of us when he travels, but it's not every week that he's gone. Military life is different because you already know what you're getting into, but there's also no added expenses like the OP has.


I completely get the fact that you do what you have to do, but in the OP's situation it clearly makes no sense for him to have 2 residences and fly every weekend to see his family! To me that doesn't sound like a couple that's married. Not to mention the financial burden. As others have already pointed out, he is probably spending more for the flights and the second residence than if he just moved with his family and took a pay cut.


If this was a temporary situation (say a few months) I would understand, but going on for a few years......I don't understand. A marriage is about compromise. The wife should have either stayed put until the OP actually found a job in the new location so they could all move together or they all should have agreed to not move and stay put and accept the fact that's where the OP's job is.


I mean seriously, am I missing something here? Why did she move? Was one of her parents sick and she needed to help out? If I said I was moving across the country with my kids, my husband would look at me like I was crazy!

Last edited by CGab; 12-09-2017 at 11:17 AM..
 
Old 12-09-2017, 02:36 PM
 
1,568 posts, read 732,026 times
Reputation: 1676
Quote:
Originally Posted by mschrief View Post
I hated Washington State so much I took a 20k pay cut to return to Texas, with a government paid PCS, and will retire in 7 days. Master plan worked.

How can you hate a state that legalized pot? and return to a bible belt state?

I live in Texas, I was born here and I regret moving back.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 03:34 PM
 
5,685 posts, read 5,956,064 times
Reputation: 4432
Quote:
Originally Posted by don1945 View Post
For me, the decision would be a no brainer..........nothing is more important than family, and I have passed up many promotions just to be a 100% of the time father and husband. It is also not good for a marriage for the two of you to be split up so often. Some people may make it work, but overall I think it is not healthy.

You are also supporting two homes right now,(and airline costs), so you would save that money.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,804,933 times
Reputation: 20547
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
How can you hate a state that legalized pot? and return to a bible belt state?

I live in Texas, I was born here and I regret moving back.
Many folks aren't into pot. There's far more to living somewhere where pot is legal. Many folks from bible belt states are happier with others like them, who grew up with the same beliefs, etc. If they're happy, that's what matters. Life's too short to be miserable.
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