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Old 07-05-2018, 12:14 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,008 times
Reputation: 20

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I'm so lost and confused! I've recently relocated to SC from VA to be close to family. My mother, grandmother, sisters, and brother all moved down here around five years ago. My husband and I have a two year old and without any family nearby in VA, we thought it would be nice to live near a support system.

Problem is that I absolutely HATE the job that I took to get down here. It is nothing like they made it seem in the interview process. I loved my old job so this is a huge letdown. I feel so depressed and emotional that I'm considering asking if my old job in VA will take me back. We've been here for 3 months now and my husband finally found a job here but the pay is low so it's on me to support our family. I've been applying to any and all jobs in this area that are even slightly related to my field but there aren't very many. Not to mention that the options that are available would also be a huge pay cut. It would break my family's heart if we were to move back but I don't know how long I can handle this.

Pros for SC:
-20 minutes away from my family
-free daycare because grandma watches the baby
-closer to husbands family–they are in FL
-near the beach

Cons:
-terrible job with good pay
-very long commute due to traffic
-tiny apartment
-expensive utilities





I have NO idea what to do. I'm not even sure we could afford to move back to VA but I'm so unhappy here. Has anyone been in this situation before? Do I just need more time to adjust? Any advice?

Last edited by kmm26; 07-05-2018 at 12:28 PM..
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Old 07-05-2018, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,055 posts, read 6,007,041 times
Reputation: 9437
My opinion: you and your husband need to have a heart-to-heart talk. Normally, I encourage people to wait for at least a year before making adjustments, but in this situation, if your husband is unhappy and can get a better job in VA, plus you can get your old job back, go for it. Family is really important, but not if you're miserable.

You moved into a lower COL area, but you're not a retiree. You may lose money in the short term moving back to VA, but longer term, depending on where you life, you'll have better schools and more career opportunities -- higher salaries in the long run.

One other consideration, whether you move or not, would going back to school for two years or less help you employment-wise? If so, that might be something else to discuss.
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Old 07-05-2018, 01:33 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,484 posts, read 62,084,629 times
Reputation: 32131
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmm26 View Post
I've recently relocated to SC from VA to be close to family.
My mother, grandmother, sisters, and brother all moved down here around five years ago.
My husband and I have a two year old ...we thought it would be nice to live near a support system.

Problem is that I absolutely HATE the job that I took to get down here.
Find SOME OTHER job around there that you'll like more and a little house.
Or pack it all in and move out/back where you were.


Quote:
I have NO idea what to do. Any advice?
You've laid out the facts very clearly... that tells me the problem is emotional.
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Old 07-05-2018, 03:34 PM
Status: "Gaining Stability." (set 6 days ago)
 
5,684 posts, read 5,928,269 times
Reputation: 4432
Wow! This is a tough one because of childcare. The thought of strangers caring for my child would freak me out more. I would stay and find another job. I think your husband also needs to find a better paying job. Did you sign a lease? If not, get out of there once you find something. It is frustrating because you liked your job in VA.

The cost of living in South Carolina is low relative to VA. I find it strange a dual income household would have such a tough time. Do you have a lot of debt?

Does your husband's job provide insurance? Perhaps you might be able to do some contract work.

Give yourself some time. All of this can be changed. Peace of mind for your child's care is priceless.
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Old 07-06-2018, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,960 posts, read 3,451,255 times
Reputation: 10475
I agree that family watching your child is priceless. Not only monetarily but the love included in the deal.

Yet, if you are unhappy about your job that is worrisome. If you could find a job you like it would solve the problem.

I do know what it's like to not like a job. For me, I took a better paying job that I didn't like at first but stuck it out for 5 years. BUT I was close to retirement & boosted my social security income by quite a bit.

It's a hard decision you have to make. One of the things I do when I have a big decision to make is to do a con & pro list. I make two columns & whichever has the most is generally what I decide. Peace of mind is high on the list.

Is there anything about the new job you can come to like? Do they provide decent insurance? That is huge when you have a child. Did your old employer provide insurance?

If you do decide to move back, from years of experience I am sure you will 'make up ' whatever monetary losses you incur. It will just take longer.

Good luck on your decision.
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Old 07-06-2018, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,022 posts, read 21,719,486 times
Reputation: 22165
Take a breathe. It’s only been a few months. Raising a child without family around is challenging.

Give it time, see how you settle in. There are a lot of pros on your list.
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Old 07-07-2018, 06:24 AM
 
7 posts, read 4,351 times
Reputation: 11
You need to make yourself calm down. At such situation, just go ahead and make a heart to heart conversation with your husband and family about this issue. I am sure you will end up finding a satisfying solution. Last month, my sister has also got a relocated job in Melbourne. As she had the full support of her in-laws, she decided to move with her husband to the new city. Thanks to the team of Florida Transporter who helped her in a safe shifting of her vehicles and household goods too.
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Old 07-08-2018, 02:52 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 15 days ago)
 
8,675 posts, read 10,828,629 times
Reputation: 12717
Get a different job, perhaps, where you're at in SC? Or, have a good plan and move back. Going to work at a job you absolutely hate isn't healthy for you or your family.
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Old 07-08-2018, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Erie, PA
2,860 posts, read 1,252,670 times
Reputation: 6430
Sorry to hear about it I've done the same thing--relocated a LOOOOG distance for a job and then found out the job was absolutely nothing like I thought it would be. It's a crappy situation to be in, especially if you are the primary or sole breadwinner.

It sounds like you have already figured out the main source of your stress is a well-paying but overall crappy job. You are doing the right thing by conducting a stealth job search while you are working. If there are no jobs in the immediate area, could commuting be an option? I know it is a pain for some people but it is something to consider. I am not sure what industry you work in but consider working with a recruiter. Sometimes they are helpful/other times not but it won't hurt to try. If there is an industry association for your field, join that and go to the meetings to meet people who might know of jobs.

If you want to go the back to VA route, then I would talk with DH and just let him know how you are feeling. Also talk with your family and let them know; they might be disappointed but they should understand.

Can't make the decision for you but there's a lot to think about.
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Old 07-08-2018, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,119 posts, read 9,068,748 times
Reputation: 11540
I would let some time pass and not rush hastily into something. Maybe what you hate about this job is negotiable with a boss? Or perhaps you might find a way to make it work if you change a few things , like spending more time with family, eat out a couple nights a week, look for a more pleasant place to live, join a fun activity (the gym? not fun for me but maybe you?) Spend the least amount of time at the job as possible. (We probably need to know more details to see if this is possible).

Give it some more time. Set a deadline for yourself to see if you can make it work. If not, then try to go back.
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