U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-17-2019, 04:43 PM
 
6 posts, read 2,636 times
Reputation: 19

Advertisements

I've been reading through some old archived threads on relocation from the big city to a more rural area and difficulty adjusting which has given me some insight but I guess I still am in need of advice /wondering if people have been in a situation that is similar to mine.

I'll try to make this as brief and succinct as possible (my apologies if I fail to achieve this). I don't come from a big city. Grew up in a small-town in northeast PA and never really...um assimilated for lack of better word (artsy bi-racial weirdo in a predominately white conservative area), re-located to a more suburban college-town while attending the school in my early 20s and in a way fell in love with the place. Had some semblance of nightlife, art culture, youth culture, black hair salons (and more than one to choose from lol), could take a bus to NYC and Philly. Not the most glamorous place to live for sure but for the first time felt like I was 'at home' so to speak. I recently just re-located to a very rural/farm-townish area. Why? Well I fell in love. I relocated to my fiance's place since I was living in an apartment and he owns an actual home. Now he lives in the actual town of this very rural area but it's still pretty desolate, and makes the small-town I grew up look like a sprawling suburb in comparison.

I haven't been adjusting well to the area but have mostly been keeping it to myself. I feel like from at least a cultural perspective a lot of people wouldn't understand and would dismiss my homesickness for being hung-up on 'frivolous' things but I liked living within walking distance to most things, things that were vital to me. My fiance senses my melancholy and he is a very understanding partner but I don't want to burden him. He has the girl, the dream job, and lives in the area where he grew up and where most of his family is. I feel guilty for sometimes thinking it wasn't worth the move. I'm very much fulfilled in the love area but not in any other area of my life. I've recently started the process of applying to graduate schools in the state so in a way that's something to look forward to (if I get accepted of course) other than that I feel lost and isolated. I know this area will never feel like a home to me and don't know what the long-game is in terms of location. My fiance says we won't be living here forever but doesn't seem to keen on areas that I think we both would enjoy and have openly suggested/recommended.

Anyone else re-locate for love? How long did it take for you to adjust? Was it worth it?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-17-2019, 07:39 PM
Status: "On The Lookout" (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,388 posts, read 61,750,545 times
Reputation: 31926
Quote:
Originally Posted by fftf1989 View Post
sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiip...
Anyone else re-locate for love?



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTAjLwWNITg
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2019, 08:46 PM
 
5 posts, read 2,321 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by fftf1989 View Post
I've been reading through some old archived threads on relocation from the big city to a more rural area and difficulty adjusting which has given me some insight but I guess I still am in need of advice /wondering if people have been in a situation that is similar to mine.

I'll try to make this as brief and succinct as possible (my apologies if I fail to achieve this). I don't come from a big city. Grew up in a small-town in northeast PA and never really...um assimilated for lack of better word (artsy bi-racial weirdo in a predominately white conservative area), re-located to a more suburban college-town while attending the school in my early 20s and in a way fell in love with the place. Had some semblance of nightlife, art culture, youth culture, black hair salons (and more than one to choose from lol), could take a bus to NYC and Philly. Not the most glamorous place to live for sure but for the first time felt like I was 'at home' so to speak. I recently just re-located to a very rural/farm-townish area. Why? Well I fell in love. I relocated to my fiance's place since I was living in an apartment and he owns an actual home. Now he lives in the actual town of this very rural area but it's still pretty desolate, and makes the small-town I grew up look like a sprawling suburb in comparison.

I haven't been adjusting well to the area but have mostly been keeping it to myself. I feel like from at least a cultural perspective a lot of people wouldn't understand and would dismiss my homesickness for being hung-up on 'frivolous' things but I liked living within walking distance to most things, things that were vital to me. My fiance senses my melancholy and he is a very understanding partner but I don't want to burden him. He has the girl, the dream job, and lives in the area where he grew up and where most of his family is. I feel guilty for sometimes thinking it wasn't worth the move. I'm very much fulfilled in the love area but not in any other area of my life. I've recently started the process of applying to graduate schools in the state so in a way that's something to look forward to (if I get accepted of course) other than that I feel lost and isolated. I know this area will never feel like a home to me and don't know what the long-game is in terms of location. My fiance says we won't be living here forever but doesn't seem to keen on areas that I think we both would enjoy and have openly suggested/recommended.

Anyone else re-locate for love? How long did it take for you to adjust? Was it worth it?
i didn't re-locate for love, but i've read and heard it takes at least a year to know if you'll fully adjust to a new place. i don't know your situation completely, but it sounds like you should probably have an honest conversation with him about how you feel, if you haven't fully disclosed that yet. because over time, you may end up resenting him for not wanting to move to a place you're more comfortable. that's just my opinion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-24-2019, 04:14 AM
 
Location: Dallas
75 posts, read 22,490 times
Reputation: 51
Hi dinosaurman10,

Great advice. I totally agree with you. It's better to tell everything your fiance that you actually feel about the area where he is living.

Thanks
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-26-2019, 08:13 AM
 
753 posts, read 703,429 times
Reputation: 1175
I have moved a lot over the years. Different states and diverse areas. All for great reasons. But I found that each time, I am prone to homesickness. And that can cause kind of a paralysis of sorts- we keep looking back at what we left behind and forget to look ahead to this new adventure. And that is what it is, an adventure, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

I am introverted and when I get like that, I hold back. I hold back from people and experiences because things are so different; they are not what I expected or don't meet my expectations; not what I am used to. I stress myself out trying to make it work the way I want it too- instead of just rolling with it, letting it happen and enjoying the ride.

Getting involved helps. Even rural areas have a need for volunteers/aids in some capacity. Hospital, fire department, hospice, farms, schools, humane society- opportunities exist. You would widen out and you never know... you could come to like the area and people much more than you ever expected to; all the while enriching your life and someone else's too.

Your fiance will be happy too when you feel better about being there. Best to you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-27-2019, 07:19 PM
 
55 posts, read 38,094 times
Reputation: 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by fftf1989 View Post
I've been reading through some old archived threads on relocation from the big city to a more rural area and difficulty adjusting which has given me some insight but I guess I still am in need of advice /wondering if people have been in a situation that is similar to mine.

I'll try to make this as brief and succinct as possible (my apologies if I fail to achieve this). I don't come from a big city. Grew up in a small-town in northeast PA and never really...um assimilated for lack of better word (artsy bi-racial weirdo in a predominately white conservative area), re-located to a more suburban college-town while attending the school in my early 20s and in a way fell in love with the place. Had some semblance of nightlife, art culture, youth culture, black hair salons (and more than one to choose from lol), could take a bus to NYC and Philly. Not the most glamorous place to live for sure but for the first time felt like I was 'at home' so to speak. I recently just re-located to a very rural/farm-townish area. Why? Well I fell in love. I relocated to my fiance's place since I was living in an apartment and he owns an actual home. Now he lives in the actual town of this very rural area but it's still pretty desolate, and makes the small-town I grew up look like a sprawling suburb in comparison.

I haven't been adjusting well to the area but have mostly been keeping it to myself. I feel like from at least a cultural perspective a lot of people wouldn't understand and would dismiss my homesickness for being hung-up on 'frivolous' things but I liked living within walking distance to most things, things that were vital to me. My fiance senses my melancholy and he is a very understanding partner but I don't want to burden him. He has the girl, the dream job, and lives in the area where he grew up and where most of his family is. I feel guilty for sometimes thinking it wasn't worth the move. I'm very much fulfilled in the love area but not in any other area of my life. I've recently started the process of applying to graduate schools in the state so in a way that's something to look forward to (if I get accepted of course) other than that I feel lost and isolated. I know this area will never feel like a home to me and don't know what the long-game is in terms of location. My fiance says we won't be living here forever but doesn't seem to keen on areas that I think we both would enjoy and have openly suggested/recommended.

Anyone else re-locate for love? How long did it take for you to adjust? Was it worth it?

I relocated for love 4 months ago from the suburbs of NY to Huntville, AL to be with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. It made sense from a cost of living perspective for me to move to Alabama, plus he owns a home and has a great job. Prior to dating my boyfriend I was growing tired of NY, I hated my job and living there was becoming extremely expensive. Fast forward to now - I feel like Iím struggling to make Alabama feel like home. Donít get me wrong I like the area, but being a severe creature of habit, the newness of everything is overwhelming. Plus I ended up with a job I hate and I do not have any friends. Pre-move I guess I imagined everything would fall into place based on my unrealistic expectations. If I had to pinpoint the problem I would say itís probably me and my attitude because I am not making an effort to get to know my new town by going places and meeting people. Back home I created comfort zones I resorted to when I was going through a rough time in my life so to no longer have them anymore is tough. With that being said, I think itís fairly normal to have adjustment issues when relocating and it takes time before it starts to feel like home but you have to be open to the experience and willing to give it a chance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2019, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,361 posts, read 4,251,799 times
Reputation: 5162
I didn't relocate for love, but for a job. I hate where I now live and it's never felt like home in the 6 years I've lived here. I gotta get back to a real city back east for my sanity.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-30-2019, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
24,726 posts, read 23,697,394 times
Reputation: 30431
I feel your pain. Once you've been somewhere -- seen, done, and experienced interesting things, it's hard to put them aside.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-31-2019, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Mars City
5,091 posts, read 2,106,513 times
Reputation: 7497
I relocated not based on love, but regardless, it didn't turn out well. When finding a bad fit, it's time to look elsewhere. Hopefully your "love" will feel the same way, If not, that will make it very difficult, and with a big decision to make.

Some will say "give it time". I see that more than any other advice here. But as a been-there done-that point, I have waited it out for over 3 years now, and nothing has improved. Those who haven't been through this type of situation have no gut feeling, and it's easy for them to say "try it out longer".

You could easily feel the same in months and years as you do now. This isn't something on average that I believe time can change or fix. This involves culture shock and change, and you can't change other people and your surroundings. You change yourself up to a point - as I have - but then you're not likely to go farther, as you will be losing yourself. Nothing's worth that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-01-2019, 10:51 AM
 
6 posts, read 2,636 times
Reputation: 19
I appreciate everyone's feedback. I will give a brief update on my situation:

Well the goods news is that my employment situation has taken a turn for the better and I'll most likely being making a steady, somewhat decent paycheck again. When I wrote my original post the job hunting wasn't going well and things seemed rather bleak. This alleviates some of stress I was feeling. I also opened up to my fiance about my homesickness which went as well as it could, I have to censor some of my distaste for the area because we are living where he grew up and he is somewhat partial to it. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He told me that he'd like to sell or rent-out our current house in about three years (or around the time I finish up getting my MFA - IF I get accepted into grad school) I figured going back to school and indulging in my creative side with like minded people again would be good for me (my mind, my soul, etc.) and make up for the fact that I don't like where my current house/home is. I don't know what the plan is after selling the house. We seem to hit a wall at that point. I think he hasn't thought that far out and thinks we have time to figure it out. I suppose we do. I still make some suggestions, don't get much in terms of feedback.

Venturing out has been a bit of a bust. There just isn't much going on and there aren't many people in this area, some school kids, older folks. I'll be 30 this month, the people who are around my age who live in this area are nice enough but beyond cordial small talk there really isn't much to discuss with them (different interests, values, etc.). It's definitely the kind of area where people are only super welcoming if you look like you 'belong' there. The more I know and see, the less I like. At this point I feel a bit numb - I think it's a coping mechanism. A lot of my happiness seems to be hinged on whether or not I get accepted into a graduate program :/
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > General Moving Issues
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top