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I’ve lived all over the world on several continents, for work, school and curiosity.
Most places, I’m able to adapt to within a couple of months. Most recently, for example, Los Angeles. I still adore that city, and miss the energy, pace, vibe, diversity of lifestyles, and general “don’t give a damn” attitude. I don’t miss the toxic management at work, but my coworkers were beyond amazing and engaging. I don’t miss California’s liberal politics, but life shouldn’t be, and is never, all about politics anyway. I had a great life there overall and knew I’d miss aspects of it when I moved.
Well, by contrast, I’ve just moved from L.A. to Houston. For all the talk of Southern hospitality, I find the women far less approachable and more b**chy, the coworkers far less social (polite but distant), the people in Meetup groups less engaging, and the Texas collective-cultural mindset one of strange braggadocio. Not to mention, the city isn’t particularly attractive, downtown is dead after 6pm, and even the park system here is rather grungy and poorly maintained. The nearby Gulf coastal areas are some of the truly ugliest coastal-front areas I’ve seen anywhere on the planet.
I don’t want to write Houston, and Texas, off just yet, as I’m still relatively new here, but my patience is also waning rather quickly.
How long do you give a new city before deciding whether you like it or want to bail?
Kinda similar here. I've lived in many cities on literally half the globe. Currently freezing my behind up in freezerland.
LA seems to be quite the popular destination. But, aren't taxes too high? And home prices.... when i look at 3 bedroom houses, compared to where you are now in Houston, there's at least 200 grand difference.
Have you lived anywhere else in the US? Anywhere you'd recommend for a family with two young kids, one of which with disabilities?
Come to think of it, that sounds like a new thread subject
How long do you give a new city before deciding whether you like it or want to bail?
It generally took my family about 9 months to completely adjust in the US. We never bailed.
It took me a year-and-a-half, or so, to adjust to Denmark, and I was single then. A lot of the adjustment issues I had to do with the "relationship" culture. But unlike many Americans, I did not find Danes to be cold and unfriendly. Instead, I found them to be unabashedly open and intimate in conversation, much more so than Americans,
Kenny Rodgers sang, "You've got to know when to hold 'em...know when to fold 'em...know when to walk away...know when to run." The same principle applies here as in relationships and jobs.
I'm about six miles outside of DC. I've been here for 14 months. I agree with the other posters that it takes about this long to know for sure. The negatives of DC for me are so great that even if I did land a coveted federal job, I would request a transfer to another state (if possible) within six months. My feeling towards this place is such that the thought of being anywhere near here next February seems incomprehensible. But, some people love it. I'm a 33 year old guy, so you'd think I'd love it, as the millennial generation is really what DC seems to be all about. The Type A and "game changer" people congregate here.
I do not know where I will end up geographically and worked in minimum wage retail in the city, so I have no savings to go elsewhere. I'm from California and moved here with a parent with hopes of finding a better job. My apartment lease is up at the end of July and I'm sincerely hoping to have at least 5k in the bank by then (I've applied to tons of jobs) and I hope to have a job that will have a location somewhere else in addition to "DMV" so that I can transfer. I read that advice today and I think it's solid. Always try to aim for an employer that has a presence in many states so that you can transfer without staying in motels and dealing with all that drama. I started with a quote from Kenny Rodgers, but there's a quote to counter balance that: "if you're going to fall out of a tree, find a soft spot to land."
One place I moved to that I didn't enjoy at all was the SF Bay Area. I remember being so excited to move there. I would be near the Silicon Valley and in California! Oh, the hype! I got there and I was so disappointed. I hated it. 3 and a half years later, I still did not like it there and knew it was time to move.
When I moved, I oddly missed it for a week (because we humans are creatures of habit.)
I knew I made the right move leaving the Bay Area because after giving it 3 1/2 years and still hating it, I knew that my heart wouldn't change.
This is kind of the way I felt when I moved to Queens (Kew Gardens), NYC. I loved living in Manhattan, but wanted to own something and be a little more settled. It also was a savings over the rent I was paying. I had friends in Kew Gardens who knew of an apartment in their building for sale. I thought it would be great as I had a number of friends in the area.
Well, I bought it and moved in and I pretty much almost immediately hated the place and the area. I was so depressed for the four years I lived there. I sure didn't look back when I was finally able to move. No second thoughts, not one small regret.
I'm a rootless adult and have no idea what I'm doing... There are a lot of things that I like about Utah. So many great places to hike, but it's always alone. No dating, since I can't seem to get noticed on dating sites. No solid friends, and I go long periods of time not even talking to people outside of work (some people have said that they want to hang out, but they always seem to flake or just not reply to my texts in the first place). Nowhere to go back to, either (I'm from rural New Mexico and work as a programmer... no there are not programming jobs in rural New Mexico)... though my parents moved around quite a bit when I was a kid so I didn't even have a solid circle of friends when I was growing up.
I'll probably be equally unhappy and isolated everywhere...
It takes years to make friends in a city. As far as scenery, that shouldn't determine anything I think.
Err, huh? I don’t get it. You can make friends anywhere. The number one factor for me in any city is weather, because that can’t be changed and I won’t put up with lousy weather (most of the US). Of course, other factors that are like 2nd, 3rd, and 4th ranked may move a city up or down. I agree Hawaii is better weather than Vegas where I’m moving for instance, but that’s not outweighing factors like close to LA (film industry), politically libertarian with no state income tax, and a better entertainment and nightlife. Weather is essential but I’ll choose slightly less than ideal weather for every other consideration being amazing too.
Houston from what I understand is one of the worst cities in Texas for exactly the reasons you describe. I think parts of Texas I would love (conservative, no state income tax), other parts I wouldn’t (religious, insanely high property taxes, drab looking even compared to Phoenix lol). I don’t think you have to give a city forever before saying it’s just not a fit. If you can imagine it being a fit, that’s enough to stay. If it’s just the people you’re meeting, hey maybe it’s a sample size issue. But if you hate everything else, leave.
See for me and LA, I loved the weather, I loved the access to filmmaking, I loved the entertainment (except there’s zero nightlife for a big city, bars close by 1 most of the time, I thought I’ve never seen such a lame big city for nightlife).... I hated the people. Five total years spent there was plenty enough to conclude its not me, it’s not the city, it’s the miserable people. A bunch of users, fakes, and gold diggers. I did tell myself I loved LA for 3 years. Then suddenly I realized I was in denial because I felt given my career I had no choice but to stay. Then I realized I can live a 30 minute plane flight away in a state with no income taxes, much lower cost of living, better weather (LA is still too rainy for me and I got bored of cold springs), and less liberal people.
Err, huh? I don’t get it. You can make friends anywhere. The number one factor for me in any city is weather, because that can’t be changed and I won’t put up with lousy weather (most of the US). Of course, other factors that are like 2nd, 3rd, and 4th ranked may move a city up or down. I agree Hawaii is better weather than Vegas where I’m moving for instance, but that’s not outweighing factors like close to LA (film industry), politically libertarian with no state income tax, and a better entertainment and nightlife. Weather is essential but I’ll choose slightly less than ideal weather for every other consideration being amazing too.
Houston from what I understand is one of the worst cities in Texas for exactly the reasons you describe. I think parts of Texas I would love (conservative, no state income tax), other parts I wouldn’t (religious, insanely high property taxes, drab looking even compared to Phoenix lol). I don’t think you have to give a city forever before saying it’s just not a fit. If you can imagine it being a fit, that’s enough to stay. If it’s just the people you’re meeting, hey maybe it’s a sample size issue. But if you hate everything else, leave.
See for me and LA, I loved the weather, I loved the access to filmmaking, I loved the entertainment (except there’s zero nightlife for a big city, bars close by 1 most of the time, I thought I’ve never seen such a lame big city for nightlife).... I hated the people. Five total years spent there was plenty enough to conclude its not me, it’s not the city, it’s the miserable people. A bunch of users, fakes, and gold diggers. I did tell myself I loved LA for 3 years. Then suddenly I realized I was in denial because I felt given my career I had no choice but to stay. Then I realized I can live a 30 minute plane flight away in a state with no income taxes, much lower cost of living, better weather (LA is still too rainy for me and I got bored of cold springs), and less liberal people.
Umm, no, you can't make friends anywhere. Some places people just aren't as open to friendships as others. I know this first hand. I've given my city 6 years, not on purpose, mind you. Been looking to get back east for 3 years now. Its not easy when you're at a high level in your career. You have to pick the right position and not make a mistake.
I'm with you on the film making. Yet another reason to want to be back in Atlanta. Its exploded there and I would volunteer to work in that industry in my spare time if I was back there. Just love it.
Also good points on weather. It sucks where I live now, yet 500-1000 miles due east, its great. I miss nice weather. I can't even tell you how much.
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