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Old 04-06-2019, 03:06 PM
 
103 posts, read 35,774 times
Reputation: 115

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I left the Quad Cities (Iowa) to go to college in 2010. I always hated the area and also felt like I didn’t fit in growing up. I drove away to LA after college and lived there for a year years. This last year I moved to Houston for medical treatment but due to not being able to find a job here my family wants me to come back to get a new education to become more employable.

The thought of moving back to this provincial town with nothing to do and where I have no friends is making me panic. There is no community there for me. The only gay bar there closed a couple years ago. I may run into people I knew from high school, which fills me with anxiety.

The Quad Cities is an area where people spend their whole lives and mainly associate with the same people they grew up with. How is a complete outsider like me supposed to fit in that? I am very depressed. I do have some friends here I don’t want to leave behind just to go to an area like that.

Has anyone been forced to move back to their hometown or some other place they hated before?

Last edited by mistermaggie; 04-06-2019 at 03:27 PM..

 
Old 04-06-2019, 09:15 PM
 
Location: NY-VT-MA border
72 posts, read 22,637 times
Reputation: 336
You might be better off moving to in or very near Chicago. You'll be able to enjoy the big city lifestyle yet only be a 3 hour drive away from the Quad Cities.
 
Old 04-06-2019, 11:02 PM
 
1,553 posts, read 565,796 times
Reputation: 3306
Hi mistermaggie --

Things can change in 8 years, and hopefully things will be better when you go back. Just because today was the Gay Pride parade in Phoenix [where I live], that expression was in my head, so I Googled "Gay Pride Quad Cities", and Google came up with 651,000 listings. All sorts of organizations and lots of things were listed. Maybe things are opening up a little more in this area. 2018 had the Quad cities 1st Pride Fest, and there is a Facebook group for Gay folks in the Quad Cities area.

I would give it a try, and complete your goal of furthering your education. You will definitely not be the only slightly older student in your classes. Lots of people are going to school at later ages. I have a family member who started college at age 25 and finished at 32 with a Masters degree. While in school he met a couple of friends who were a similar age and they stayed friends through graduation until present, all of them transferring together from the Community College to the University together in the same program.

A great way to meet new people is to get involved in a community service group, and/or perhaps a church or synagogue, maybe a completely different one than what you used to attend. There are many groups who value volunteers, such as animal shelters or, for example, the Lions Club, and you will get to know the people after a while. If you need to earn money, apply to work with the Census Bureau. They are gearing up for the big Census next year and are hiring people, some of whom they are hiring to start this year.

I'm a mom, and am just chiming in to hopefully give you a bit of encouragement. I do think it will be easier if you go home, because you do not have to worry about paying high rent. I think if you expand your social group, life will start getting more interesting for you. There are thousands and thousands of people who live in the Quad cities. It is a big area; I know because I have been there, visiting friends who were students at Augustana. You will enlarge your circle; but you have to take the steps to do it -- they are not going to come ring your doorbell.

Good luck with your studies, if that is what you decide to do. And I hope your move goes well.
 
Old 04-07-2019, 01:12 PM
 
Location: on the wind
6,823 posts, read 2,787,388 times
Reputation: 23264
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistermaggie View Post
I left the Quad Cities (Iowa) to go to college in 2010. I always hated the area and also felt like I didn’t fit in growing up. I drove away to LA after college and lived there for a year years. This last year I moved to Houston for medical treatment but due to not being able to find a job here my family wants me to come back to get a new education to become more employable.

The thought of moving back to this provincial town with nothing to do and where I have no friends is making me panic. There is no community there for me. The only gay bar there closed a couple years ago. I may run into people I knew from high school, which fills me with anxiety.

The Quad Cities is an area where people spend their whole lives and mainly associate with the same people they grew up with. How is a complete outsider like me supposed to fit in that? I am very depressed. I do have some friends here I don’t want to leave behind just to go to an area like that.

Has anyone been forced to move back to their hometown or some other place they hated before?
In a way...but I didn't "hate" the place so passionately as you obviously do. What made it bearable was reminding myself it was the most expedient temporary option. The place and the people in it don't care that you hate them, don't care about what you want. Don't spend any more effort agonizing over them. Its not worth it. Use this energy to get what you do want instead of moaning over what you don't have. Your dislike will keep you focused on your goal to get where you do want to be under your own power. There are times in everyone's life when they have to put wishes aside, post their goal on the bathroom mirror, put nose to the grindstone, grit their teeth, and slog. Eye on the prize, not the cost. Take the necessary job you don't really like until you can work into something better. If nothing else you'll end up stronger and gain a little bit of well-earned self respect for doing so. You won't ever lose that.
 
Old 04-09-2019, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,080 posts, read 8,221,122 times
Reputation: 19656
I think the Chicago idea is a great one! It is such a great city.

You can go back to school in Chicago and find a grat job there.
 
Old 04-12-2019, 08:38 AM
Status: "Stranger than Fiction" (set 17 days ago)
 
8,563 posts, read 10,774,200 times
Reputation: 12551
I wasn't "forced" back, but moved back to my home state after 20 + years of not having lived there. I was there a year and moved out (different part of state from where I had lived, too). Sold the house almost a year to the date. Could not adapt.
 
Old 04-12-2019, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,369 posts, read 4,255,227 times
Reputation: 5169
I was sort of forced to move to the Midwest for a job. I really had no choice. 6 1/2 years later I'm stuck out here. It's not fun, but I make good money and can travel. Home for me is Atlanta, and I would move back in a heartbeat if I could.
 
Old 04-12-2019, 03:46 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,666 posts, read 8,955,753 times
Reputation: 10943
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistermaggie View Post
I left the Quad Cities (Iowa) to go to college in 2010. I always hated the area and also felt like I didnít fit in growing up. I drove away to LA after college and lived there for a year years. This last year I moved to Houston for medical treatment but due to not being able to find a job here my family wants me to come back to get a new education to become more employable.

The thought of moving back to this provincial town with nothing to do and where I have no friends is making me panic. There is no community there for me. The only gay bar there closed a couple years ago. I may run into people I knew from high school, which fills me with anxiety.

The Quad Cities is an area where people spend their whole lives and mainly associate with the same people they grew up with. How is a complete outsider like me supposed to fit in that? I am very depressed. I do have some friends here I donít want to leave behind just to go to an area like that.

Has anyone been forced to move back to their hometown or some other place they hated before?
Don't move there, problem solved.
 
Old 04-19-2019, 12:35 PM
 
Location: The middle of nowhere
8,754 posts, read 4,030,751 times
Reputation: 7485
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistermaggie View Post
I left the Quad Cities (Iowa) to go to college in 2010. I always hated the area and also felt like I didn’t fit in growing up. I drove away to LA after college and lived there for a year years. This last year I moved to Houston for medical treatment but due to not being able to find a job here my family wants me to come back to get a new education to become more employable.

The thought of moving back to this provincial town with nothing to do and where I have no friends is making me panic. There is no community there for me. The only gay bar there closed a couple years ago. I may run into people I knew from high school, which fills me with anxiety.

The Quad Cities is an area where people spend their whole lives and mainly associate with the same people they grew up with. How is a complete outsider like me supposed to fit in that? I am very depressed. I do have some friends here I don’t want to leave behind just to go to an area like that.

Has anyone been forced to move back to their hometown or some other place they hated before?
PLEASE don't do it!!!! I moved back to my hometown of Oklahoma City in 2012 after three years in a big city and am still stuck here and have nothing but contempt for it. After eight years I still haven't been able to adapt or accept that I live here. There's an old saying that "you can never go home again." While it's definitely better than living in a truly small town, I can't stand the closed-minded and provincial attitude most people around here have. It's depressing being surrounded by so many thirty-somethings stuck in and trying to relive their high school glory days. Try to find some way to stay in Houston or if you have to move back, find a larger, more progressive city in that region of the country such as Chicago, the Twin Cities, Milwaukee, or even Des Moines. I'd definitely not go back to the Quad Cities.
 
Old 04-19-2019, 01:10 PM
 
6,381 posts, read 2,290,358 times
Reputation: 14657
OP, are you self-sufficient at this juncture? I mean...no one can MAKE you go back to your parents.
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