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True any relative. I just have my sister and I guess it can happen with her too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gemkeeper
Beckycat, I think that it isn't just in-laws that it difficult to live too close to. Any relative, including your own folks, will find a way to interrupt your life - not intentionally usually.
We have lived all over the country. Because our four sons are so spread out in ages (17 years from the youngest to the oldest), it seems that we have left one of them behind each time we have moved. We now have one in GA, soon to return to PA, one in CT, one in MI and one in TX. Most of the extended family is in PA and we are retiring in TN.
We feel that TN is a good compromise in our situation, but more importantly, we are doing what makes DH and I happy. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness but your own.
If you try to locate yourselves to make any relative pleased as punch, you will most likely end up miserable yourself. A home is more than a house and a location. It is where you want to hang your hat and heart. Find a spot that will make you the most content and when the relatives miss you so much they can't stand it any longer, they can come and visit!
Remember, we are all just a phone call away. Maybe for that anxiety-driven relative who just has to have you closer, a five minute phone call every other day may just do the trick. Who knows, it may make the relative sick of hearing from you so often.
True any relative. I just have my sister and I guess it can happen with her too. I know that I would be depressed and miserable if I move back to PA. My husband wants to move back to PA. Just as he dislikes FL, I dislike PA. Therefore, I really want to compromisse. It's just my sister and he get going on it. I just don't know why they can't understand me.
We live in FL and are visiting PA where we are originally from. My sister is giving me a guilt trip about moving back to PA closer to family. My in-laws are all here too. We are selling our house in FL, but were planning on moving to NC to be closer. She is saying it's not close enough. Although, I miss and love my family, I don't see myself ever going back to PA. I just can't handle the long winters and days without sun. It makes me very depressed and the lamp doesn't cut it. My husband wants to be in PA too. We have a daughter and son. Both prefer to stay in FL. My daughter is going to be 18 and she wants to stay. My son says if we move, he prefers to go back to PA. I just can't see leaving my daughter either b/c she is nt responsible enough to live on her own. I know some kids are, but she definately isn't. It's causing me alot of anxiety and I just don't know what to do. I really like NC and I thought that was a compromise.
beckycat... it's really none of my business but I think you should ignore your family and be where ever YOU want to be. They are not responsible for your happiness after all. No one can make you feel guilty without your permission -- so don't feel bad because you are living your own life the way you choose.
After a big argument today, I finally got my husband to give me some kind of answer. He agreed once we sell the house, we can rent in NC. He said that way, we're not stuck if it's not for us. I'd rather not rent, but I guess it's a compromise. That way we can see if we like the area and can get employment. I was just getting frustrated b/c he couldn't see my point of view. All he could say is how I made the wrong decision to move to FL. It's a horrible place to raise kids. I disagree, we live in a good area and have great schools. He keep saying the crime and drugs are bad in neighboring towns. I told him if kids want to find trouble, no matter where you live, they will find it. We came from the country with no work. He said it was more family oriented and our family would have been closer. Our kids grew up with cheerleading and football. They had more than what they would have had in PA. I don't regret it one bit. I just think we're at a different phase in our life we we're ready to move on. My sister is egging my husband on and it doesn't help the situation at all.
>But I never see any effort from any of them wanting to relocate to where I am.<
REP POINTS FOR YOU! You won this thread. Game over. They need to move where you are going since it means so much to them.
My wife wants to move back to Cleveland if I get laid off in NJ. I tell her since she wants to stay at home with the kids, we move wherever the job market takes me and that is probably not Cleveland. The economy there is a mess.
I dont hate Cleveland. I just beat my head against a wall looking for a good job for 2 years. THE VERY DAY I told my wife I need to look out of area for a job... I sent my resume to my future employer, who called me back within 3 hours.
Part of me will always be in Cleveland... Keeping my family fed and housed trumps all other considerations and it should be for you too. You have to live your life, not them.
True isn't it. Nobody comes to visit you or relocates to where you. At least I'm trying to attempt to get closer. It does depend on the job market also b/c you need to make a living.
You can't let relatives dictate where you should live that is for sure. Seems your whole family is pretty much in disagreement where you are going to move too. A compromise is needed. I would be thinking of work and what is available for one. Cost of living, buying a new home, etc also coming into play.
Your daughter is at the age where more than likely she will be on her own shortly. We thought the same of our daughters not being ready to move out, they proved us wrong.
Sounds like you need a family meeting, immediate family only of course to make a sound decision as where to move.
I just love how everyone in my family expects me to bend over backwards for them and move close even though many years ago I left because the place sucks.
But I never see any effort from any of them wanting to relocate to where I am.
Ding, ding, ding - this is exactly how I feel!!! Don't you love how the family members all have issued ultimatums of what they're willing to do or not do, live or not live, and you're supposed to dance to their tunes even though you have a life too and your life is ticking away minute by minute like everyone else's? Yeah, I know where most of you are coming from because I'm there too. Frankly, I'm finding it hard to be objective (because I'm immersed in this myself) as when you reach a certain age (for me, it started in my late 30's and I definitely feel it in my mid 40's), you realize that you've lived maybe half your life already and maybe it's time that you start doing things for you, live in a place that has the climate you like, the people that you are drawn to, the atmosphere, even jobs.
For people with SAD, the long, cold, sunless winters are killer. I've been dealing with this since I got into my very late 30's. I'm 45 now; live in NE OH. This is a REAL issue for me.
Last edited by Donna7; 06-29-2008 at 03:35 AM..
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