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I grew up in Northwestern North Carolina and now live in Union County, NC. It took about 10 years for me to get used to the heat. The difference can sometimes be from 10 to 20 degrees warmer. I have friends from Florida who get cold and put on a sweater if the temperature gets below 70.
I lived on a farm before I was married. I never adjusted to the small lots in Charlotte, but things improved for me when we moved about 25 miles out into the country. We only have 1.25 acres now, but the difference in privacy is amazing. We have wonderful neighbors here too.
When we lived in Charlotte, I was doing my dishes at the kitchen sink and I guess I felt eyes on me. I looked up and my next door neighbor was in her bedroom window just watching me. Basically I had moved next door to the neighbor from _______ and I could not get away from her because our lot was only 1/3 acre. I like working out in my yard, but I could never do that in private. This woman seemed to think it was her role in life to comment on everything I did.
You are right that getting out and living is the best way to keep from being depressed.
You also have to keep in mind that a major move is one of lifes most stressful things. It's right next to getting a divorce!! Familiarity!! That's the biggie here. Things we are not familiar with---and of course leaving everyone we know and starting over. I don't care who you are it's difficult to some degree. Crying is ok. It's a big stress reliever. As with other stressful events in life it gets easier with time. Don't just sit and occupy your time thinking about what's wrong with your new area. Take that time and find the good things and the good people there. There are good things and good people everywhere! It's up to you to make it work.
I've seen a number of careers derailed by the unadaptable spouse situation. I get the impression most women aren't happy unless they live within 50 miles of where they grew up. Moving is a growth experience, it is difficult but if your adaptable you will be just fine. Moving with jobs is a part of life. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. Each place you move there are likely many people in a similar situation, you need to make an effort to meet new people. Churches, social organization, kids sport events, are good ways to meet folks.
Too many people can't hack it because they have spent their whole lives around their high school friends and family. They refuse to make time and effort (it is an effort often frustrating) to meet new people. Besides its 2008, the internet can keep you close with old friends.
Keep smiling and try to introduce yourself to one new person per week.
I've seen a number of careers derailed by the unadaptable spouse situation. I get the impression most women aren't happy unless they live within 50 miles of where they grew up. Moving is a growth experience, it is difficult but if your adaptable you will be just fine. Moving with jobs is a part of life. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. Each place you move there are likely many people in a similar situation, you need to make an effort to meet new people. Churches, social organization, kids sport events, are good ways to meet folks.
Too many people can't hack it because they have spent their whole lives around their high school friends and family. They refuse to make time and effort (it is an effort often frustrating) to meet new people. Besides its 2008, the internet can keep you close with old friends.
Keep smiling and try to introduce yourself to one new person per week.
Actually I did not grow up in Colorado and don't really have family there either. I consider it my home because I moved there by myself to go to college and made it my home for many years. I think my issue has more to do with our new location being North Texas-flat, hot, undesirable sprawl vs. Colorado--intersting terrain, beautiful mountains, overall better quality of life, etc.
I should also note that I do have friends here. I just don't like living in Texas.
I've seen a number of careers derailed by the unadaptable spouse situation. I get the impression most women aren't happy unless they live within 50 miles of where they grew up. Moving is a growth experience, it is difficult but if your adaptable you will be just fine. Moving with jobs is a part of life. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. Each place you move there are likely many people in a similar situation, you need to make an effort to meet new people. Churches, social organization, kids sport events, are good ways to meet folks.
Too many people can't hack it because they have spent their whole lives around their high school friends and family. They refuse to make time and effort (it is an effort often frustrating) to meet new people. Besides its 2008, the internet can keep you close with old friends.
Keep smiling and try to introduce yourself to one new person per week.
It's not necessarily the women who don't like moving. I've had some experience of being held back by a previous husband.
People just need to look at relocating as a big vacation. Move around the country a couple times and explore the sites in each area. Once the kids get close to junior high age, then try to be settled down in an area you want to stay and make lasting friendships in. If you do decide to go back to where you grew up, it will be with fresh eyes and experiences to draw on.
It's not necessarily the women who don't like moving. I've had some experience of being held back by a previous husband.
People just need to look at relocating as a big vacation. Move around the country a couple times and explore the sites in each area. Once the kids get close to junior high age, then try to be settled down in an area you want to stay and make lasting friendships in. If you do decide to go back to where you grew up, it will be with fresh eyes and experiences to draw on.
Agreed, I've known many stuck in the mud men. Usually they are not married to 'mobile' women. Also agree that as the kids hit the teen years its best to keep them in the same place.
Too many people can't hack it because they have spent their whole lives around their high school friends and family. They refuse to make time and effort (it is an effort often frustrating) to meet new people. Besides its 2008, the internet can keep you close with old friends.
This may well be true in many cases, but being a woman I don't feel that it is the reason I am less than thrilled about my move. Moving from Detroit area, MI where I have lived all my life to Vegas, NV is a huge change. I do hate the winters here but I am leaving 3 kids here 24,23 and 18. That is the killer. I am taking my 14 yo. I wanted to wait until she graduated but the opportunity was knocking now and doors were closing in MI so...gotta do whatcha gotta do-right? I will try to find some peace and happiness in the new area. If not, I am coming home.
We had a couple of experiences with cross-country moves, and I echo what others have posted. It's a major challenge, and some of us never quite assimilate in our new communities.
Spouse and I moved from Michigan to extreme South Texas in 1981. We tried hard to learn to like the place, but just never really found a niche there. Lived there for 18 years despite the lack of fit (had elderly retired parents who had settled there and needed assistance) and finally returned to the Midwest in 1999, after the parents had passed on. We felt more at home in our current location (Madison, Wisconsin) after 6 months than we had in the Rio Grande Valley after almost two decades. Guess we're both just Midwesterners at heart.
All that said, there are ways to try to assimilate in a new community, even one that you don't love. Working outside the home is a good start, but volunteering is an even better way. You'll get to meet others who share your interests and priorities, and you'll likely find more of a welcome in your community by investing some of your time and effort in making it a better place.
If you can afford it, try to get away and visit other places regularly. We really felt trapped in S. Texas; it was a day's drive north just to get to Houston, and 14 hours to Dallas. But when we did manage to come up with either enough time off to drive somewhere or else enough money for airfare, the trips we made outside the state were wonderful.
And if after three or four years, you still really just cannot abide living in Texas, try to make your next move before your kids reach middle-school age, and then try to stay put wherever you are until they're out of high school. We made the move back to the Midwest when our kids were 14 (starting freshman year in HS) and 16 (starting junior year), and it took them a long, long time to assimilate and forgive us for uprooting them. They're both very happy living here now, but in hindsight, we should not have moved when we did.
Good luck to you, Winter. I truly hope that you can find a sense of peace and content in your new community.
I feel for you people who had to move somewhere you didn't want to live because of a job transfer. I don't know if I could even do that. My situation is a bit different, but still, I am absolutely terrified. I am moving to Utah in a few weeks from NJ by myself. I chose Utah because it has everything I want, and ultimately I think I'll be much happier there. I have been dying to get out of the NY/NJ metro area for years. I really have nothing keeping me here, no family, not many close friends, and a job I'm ready to leave. My one reason for staying here this long - my relationship has reached a point where it's not leading to a future together, for many complicated reasons. But we are still together now, and I'm still crazy about him - he is even helping me move. A lot of why I'm so scared is I know how much I will miss him, and I don't know how I will deal with the pain of being separated. I'm so jealous of people who make along distance move with their spouse and family - at least you have each other.
I already found a nice place to live and even a job, but I know NO one where I'm going. I'll be completely alone until I meet people... but at least with a couple of cats for some company! Part of what's making it so hard is my age - I'm in my 40's, the move itself is complicated, as I'm bringing a whole household full of stuff, and I've lived in the Northeast my whole life. This will be huge adjustment. And even though I've hand picked my new location, it's so daunting to think of leaving everything I know behind for good.
How do people get through those first weeks & months without going crazy???
"How do people get through those first weeks & months without going crazy???"
It's not easy, Cinnabon! Just after my 59th birthday in December, I moved away from Chicago, where I'd spent my whole life, to Greenville, South Carolina. For the first three months I was sick and mourning everything I'd left behind. I was questioning my sanity and just miserable. Then, slowly, I started adjusting. When spring came (which is just glorious in SC) and I was feeling better, something started turning around for me, and I started finding less to miss about my old life and more to like about the new location. I still don't know many people, but I'm much happier in my new place than I ever was in Chicago.
I'm in Chicago now visiting old friends and getting my condo here ready to sell. It's been great seeing my friends again, eating Portillo's hot dogs and Chicago style pizza, etc. But, you know what? I was ready to go back to Greenville within a few hours of arrival. It's a different way of life and ever so much more beautiful. I guess for me, it was a good move after all.
I hope that, in time, you will learn to like where you've relocated to as well -- or at least find a few redeeming features that will help you tolerate it until you're able to move again.
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I'm so jealous of people who make along distance move with their spouse and family - at least you have each other. 
