Relocation but spouse/ or significant other comes later? (packing, job, truck)

[KBCATS22]

How many of you have had to leave your spouse/ kids or significant other to move for a job to another state?
How did you deal with it? How long did it take before the other could follow? Anyone want to share their stories?

[mawipafl]

We've done it three times: a six-month separation, a two-year separation, and a four-month. It's definitely not easy, but we survived all three intact. Lots of phone calls, emails, and photo sharing.

It was a different financial burden each time because each company had its own version of a relocation package. One paid for flights home once a month; one paid for all the temporary housing in the new location, but no flights home; one paid for my visit to the new location.

All told, the separation was more difficult on my husband than on me. After all, I was at home going through all the regular routines of our daughter's schooling and activities, and keeping myself busy and occupied with packing, and in the midst of friends. My husband would work then go home to an empty space (one was a rented room, another was an apartment, and another was a short-term hotel.) Outside of a few activities with co-workers, his social life was nil.

Besides the financial burden was the playing catch-up when he came home. Much would transpire while he was gone, and it was hard for him not to feel left out. That's why phone calls, emails, and especially photo sharing were essential.

The thing is, for as hard as it was, each relocation was a step up in life for us - better job, better pay, better location - so the difficulties of separation were manageable knowing full-well what the end result would be.

[raising3boys]

We are sort of in the midst of it right now. We have been down this road before this because dh was in the Navy when we got married. This time however was a little different.My dh got a new job last January and moved to Ohio. He did take two of our older boys with him so they could get into a new school at the start of the new semester. I stayed in SC with our two year old so I could finish out my teaching contract.

Our house was put on the market at the beginning of August. Our closing is at the end of November. It was a hard few months being apart and only seeing each other a few times. We did talk quite often and email. Phone bills weren't an issue because of cells phones. Also, Texting became our new favorite thing to do! We didn't think we would use it and enjoy it, but in the big picture it was worth the 8.00 a month!

Our relationship did become closer/stronger because of the time apart. You just have to know that you are moving for the RIGHT reasons. You have to make time for each other even though you are apart.

Right now, our family ( 5 ) of us are living in a small two bedroom apartment until our home in SC is finally closed. The apartment thing is the hardest on us all considering we lived in a huge home in SC. Also, it is difficult because I am not working now and we have a house payment/utilities in SC and HERE! We are just glad, however that we are all under one roof!

It is not easy, but you have to set ground rules upfront at the when someone is leaving. We decided to talk about the financial aspect of it, communication issues, everything before my husband left.

You can survive the move as long as YOU BOTH WANT IT! I wish you the best of luck with the move. Keep the lines of communication open.

[seahawksweetie]

Wow, thanks guys for the reassurance. Right now, I'm getting ready to head out to OK to start a new job, but I have to leave the hubby and the two kids (ages 12 and 13) here in WA. THey will be joining me in mid spring at the earliest and by July at the latest.

The kids understand and are doing ok with it. I'm a basket case. I'll miss my daugher's bday, and I'll miss Christmas, etc. But, boy look out next Christmas, it will be huge, lol.

I have no relocation package with my new job, but my paycheck will be so much better and I will be able to save $$ to get them out there. My mom/dad and the rest of my family are there so that will be nice to spend some time with them.

It's nice to know that others have done this. In some ways I feel very selfish and in some ways I feel very silly. Especially knowing that there are parents who are over in Iraq who haven't seen their kids in over a year.

[asitshouldbe]

Originally Posted by KBCATS22

How many of you have had to leave your spouse/ kids or significant other to move for a job to another state?
How did you deal with it? How long did it take before the other could follow? Anyone want to share their stories?

That sounds great. I wish MY husband would get transferred somewhere far far away.

[KBCATS22]

Thanks guys! Great stories, it is always reassuring when others have been through or are going through the same thing. Hope everything works out!

[Crew Chief]

When I retired from the military, I went long-haul trucking. My wife, born and raised in Germany, was homesick and I actually was thinking that living in Germany would work out great for us. So we put our stuff in storage, I lived in my "Red Roof Inn" AKA a Freightliner, and she rented an apartment in Germany and taught there. As crazy as it sounds, we really enjoyed the arrangement. When she was here in the U.S., I only got home 4 days out of the month. So just about the time she got used to me being home, it was "back in the truck". Once we started living in two countries, our times togther were more like honeymoons than the sameness of everyday life. She rode with me in the truck during the summer and again in October. I flew over there in January. We did this for three years, trying to decide which country we wanted to end up in. We finally landed in Ohio and I now am home every day. So life is normal again. It was an adventure we'll never forget, though!

[mawipafl]

Originally Posted by seahawksweetie

The kids understand and are doing ok with it. I'm a basket case. I'll miss my daugher's bday, and I'll miss Christmas, etc. But, boy look out next Christmas, it will be huge, lol.

That's the ticket .. good attitude!

Unusual circumstances warrant unusual actions. Take advantage of the US Postal Service and send snailmail cards, postcards, etc on a regular basis. Perhaps your kids could start a scrapbook and glue them in. Send your daughter flowers for her birthday (my guess that at her young age she's never received delivered flowers before - she could even dry one and glue it into the scrapbook.) Knowing your kids' interests, travel around the area and take photos of places they'll like to visit and send them the photos of their soon-to-be new home. Perhaps your husband can subscribe to a local OK newspaper and receive it by mail - that will help create a connection.

Our mantra throughout our separations was always "this is only temporary" and that helped us wade through. Good luck!

[seahawksweetie]

Thank you so much for the inspiring words. I may just send her flowers, she would get a kick out of that.

[lemons2sunshine]

When my husband got a job as a police officer in NH I stayed behind in Florida for 4 months... Because his police academy was military style (even though he's not in the military) I could only talk to him once a week for 3 mins.. The phones there were rigged to hang up after 3 mins. It was a bunch of BS IMO... And we wasted our time up there and moved back to Fla.

It was hard though but after about he first 2 weeks I got used to it and just counted down the days till I could see him again