Is it morally right to move away from family? (relocating, want to move, house)

[Donna7]

Originally Posted by OC California

We moved from California to Georgia a few months ago. We are very close to my family and I am second guessing my decision only because I miss my family. If they lived here I would be so happy as I like GA a lot and can see a very nice life for our children. We left southern california because of the cost of living. We wanted to buy a house and I wanted to be a stay at home mom to our young children.That hardly exisits there, both parents work and infants and toddlers are in daycare.

We stuck it out but were not able to find anything we could afford. My husband took a job transfer to Georgia. We can afford to buy a nice house with a yard and I can stay home with the children, We could have a great life here.

I miss my family very much and most importantly feel very badly about my children not having their grandparents in their daily life,holidays etc. I had that growing up and it was nice to have my grandparents and aunt's,uncle's,and cousins around and spending every holiday together.

We will be lucky to visit 1-2 times a year which is not very much.

I am fearful to buy a house now in GA as I see the housing market to continue to decline and wonder if it will go low enough for us to possible move back to Ca and buy a tiny house, I would need to work-part time though. Or do we go forward with our plans and live this great life here in a beautiful spacious house with a yard and slower paced lifestyle. My husband does not want to move back, he is excited about building our life here and the potential we have to not struggle and worry about finances and our future. He is getting annoyed with me for being on the fence and not wanting to buy a house here. I am stalling our happiness or am I ? What is happiness, a great stress-free day to day life? Extended Family??


I am struggling with what is the morally right thing to do? Be with family and share all the moments or make my life here with my own little family and visit the extended family whenever we can.

Thank you.

Yes, yes, yes - it is morally right to live your own life and to live in a place that will give the best quality of life for you and your family. It is time to take the plunge and grow up and go on and live with your husband and your new little family. You know, even in the bible it states that both the man and woman shall leave their home and become one - form their own entity, their own household and family. This is what you need to do. I have no clue where you got the idea that your family is to hold you hostage. You are now married and the two of you have the moral responsibility to do whatever is best for your new family, the family you created in marriage and by having children. Also to add, I don't see this as a "moral" decision, but an emotional one. I'm one that believes fully that a husband and wife have a primary allegiance to one another as that is the vow they took in marriage.

[texdav]

Having extended family is important but many children who growup in families that actually move alot actaully are often every successful. My family moved for work and I have to say that the immediate family are very close but it must have been difficult for my parents. IMO tho not doing what is best for your family survival wise makes no sense. People have always moved and prospered ;it just takes more personal strength. Often with having to peole don't get that strength at means alot in other parts of life.

[GloryB]

I certainly don't think it is morally wrong, but there is a lot to be said for kids who get to grow up close to their grandparents and other family members. There is a big sense of identity and more of a safety circle around kids who have many family members near by. My first child was surrounded by extended family, the second two weren't. I really regretted it later because they didn't get the same kind of family oriented attention and love. However, each family has to decide what works for them and what doesn't.

[momof11]

We just moved in August from CA. to MI. It hasn't been easy and there are times when I am lonely for my "old" life. Family, friends, even stores that I'm familiar with, streets that don't require a map to navigate, because I know them like the back of my hand. I miss knowing how to get places!

There have been wonderful memories made here in the short couple of months that we've been here. Fall in Michigan is nothing short of spectacular, I could not say that in Orange County CA. My kids are ready for the adventure of winter even if I am a little nervous. We miss Grandma, and I miss my older boys (both married with family of their own) but the reality of CA is a high cost of living with no relief in sight.

We live within a couple of miles of a National park, we are now a vacation destination! We also keep in touch with facebook and blogs, emails and phone calls. We can visit or we can host visits, we've already had some visitors who are promising to come back. I don't think it is a moral issue but I do understand the lonliness of wanting your old life back.

[kaykay]

Originally Posted by momof11

We just moved in August from CA. to MI. It hasn't been easy and there are times when I am lonely for my "old" life. Family, friends, even stores that I'm familiar with, streets that don't require a map to navigate, because I know them like the back of my hand. I miss knowing how to get places!

There have been wonderful memories made here in the short couple of months that we've been here. Fall in Michigan is nothing short of spectacular, I could not say that in Orange County CA. My kids are ready for the adventure of winter even if I am a little nervous. We miss Grandma, and I miss my older boys (both married with family of their own) but the reality of CA is a high cost of living with no relief in sight.

We live within a couple of miles of a National park, we are now a vacation destination! We also keep in touch with facebook and blogs, emails and phone calls. We can visit or we can host visits, we've already had some visitors who are promising to come back. I don't think it is a moral issue but I do understand the lonliness of wanting your old life back.

I weighed in earlier on the thread regarding the move, but I would just add along these lines that, yes, when you move it DOES take some adjustment for awhile and there may be a sense of "homesickness" for awhile no matter what the circumstances.

Many years ago, we moved from Lubbock (in W.Texas) to Dallas because of my husband's profession. Even though we were close to all his family here, and my mother moved down 6 months later (she is my only living family) I was STILL homesick for my old hometown and life there. So sometimes it's not just about being away from family. It just takes some time to adjust...especially, if like myself, you grew up in one place all your life. How long did it take me to overcome feelings of "wanting to go back home?" If I'm honest, I would have to say about two whole years.

[allforcats]

Originally Posted by OC California

What is happiness

That's a great question, and is yet another of the thousand important things in life that no one ever teaches us about.

Happiness is a state of mind. As such, it's a choice, just like anger, resentment, glee, love, eagerness, curiosity, jealousy, centeredness, ad infinitum.

You are a wife and mother. There was a time when you were a daughter and granddaughter, neice, sister, etc. etc. as your most important roles in life. The choices you made to become a wife, and a mother, changed the focus and meaning of your life. Now being yourself, being wife, and being mother are what are important. If you wish to continue being daughter, you will remain a teenager...

You can spend your life in the daily, minute-by-minute agony and destructiveness of wishing that reality were not real. Or you can spend your life in the daily, minute-by-minute joy of taking pleasure in your choices of what you feel, think, say and do. And by deliberately choosing a deliberately happy and constructive viewpoint, you can teach your children, and your husband, what a woman of substance and wisdom is, and what a life of delight is. I wish you joy!

[kimba01]

All great points, allforcats. Couldn't rep you, gotta spread the love.

That said, I posted my moving dilemma on the Community Chat forum. I am having a difficult time deciding to stay here or go back and be with my other three children. The extended family I could deal with missing, my kids-different story. Plus, two of them are pregnant!

[ArizonaBear]

Originally Posted by allforcats

That's a great question, and is yet another of the thousand important things in life that no one ever teaches us about.

Happiness is a state of mind. As such, it's a choice, just like anger, resentment, glee, love, eagerness, curiosity, jealousy, centeredness, ad infinitum.

You are a wife and mother. There was a time when you were a daughter and granddaughter, neice, sister, etc. etc. as your most important roles in life. The choices you made to become a wife, and a mother, changed the focus and meaning of your life. Now being yourself, being wife, and being mother are what are important. If you wish to continue being daughter, you will remain a teenager...

You can spend your life in the daily, minute-by-minute agony and destructiveness of wishing that reality were not real. Or you can spend your life in the daily, minute-by-minute joy of taking pleasure in your choices of what you feel, think, say and do. And by deliberately choosing a deliberately happy and constructive viewpoint, you can teach your children, and your husband, what a woman of substance and wisdom is, and what a life of delight is. I wish you joy!

Excellent post

[RamblinRoseRanch]

I have to thank y'all. I know I didn't write this post, but it helped me deal with some thoughts and issues I have surrounding an upcoming move, TN to NM. We're moving due to my health, so we HAVE to move. My mother is totally against the move, regardless of the reasons. Many of our friends are talking about trying to find ways to make me comfortable enough to stay.

We've visited our prospective new home state, we love the area and all it has to offer. Leaving "all we know" will be hard, but doable. These posts have just reinforced the fact that happiness can be where you find it and you really CAN take it with you.

[OC California]

Your post was awesome and a confident boost for me. Thank you