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Old 11-05-2008, 09:16 AM
 
53 posts, read 160,493 times
Reputation: 28

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I do miss being near the ocean and family in California. We like the pace of life here in Ga and the fall colors have blown me away. I think we are going to like having "seasons" but...at the end of the day we miss our family and their help and involvement with our children and it would be nice to go down to the beach.

We can buy a gorgeous home here and not be so stressed out about money. It is nice being a stay at home mom.

I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.

??????
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Old 11-05-2008, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Home!
8,710 posts, read 10,095,974 times
Reputation: 8503
Quote:
Originally Posted by OC California View Post
I do miss being near the ocean and family in California. We like the pace of life here in Ga and the fall colors have blown me away. I think we are going to like having "seasons" but...at the end of the day we miss our family and their help and involvement with our children and it would be nice to go down to the beach.

We can buy a gorgeous home here and not be so stressed out about money. It is nice being a stay at home mom.

I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.

??????

Guilt is a cruddy emotion. I know. I want to stay with my husband here in NV, but I would have to move my daughter to a different school-AGAIN-so I feel GUILTY about that. If I go home, I feel GUILTY about leaving my husband here. But then I won't be home for the birth of my grandchildren and I feel GUILTY about that. UGH.

If my other 3 children were living in NV, this would not be an issue. I would miss my extended family, but we would just have to plan visits. When I lived in MI, I saw the occasionally, but alot of our contact was phone, email...except for my 14yo daughter. She has 2 cousins her age and they were her best friends. She misses them immensely. Breaks my heart. (more GUILT)

Sad and guilty are emotions you can control. Broke and stressed are not.
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Old 11-05-2008, 10:24 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 44,903,458 times
Reputation: 45762
Good grief. What kind of upbringing did you have that you are so afflicted with guilt? You have gotten out of an untenable financial situation and bought your family a large degree of peace and relative prosperity. Your children will be happier in the long run. You'll be happier in the long run, too, if you'll just allow it.

I love my family too. I miss them and talk to them all the time. But I also know that I made the right choice, and that my own wife and children come first. You need to come to a similar conclusion, for your own happiness and the happiness of your marriage will depend on it.

If I remember your previous post, your husband is totally happy with the move. He is giving you the opportunity to stay at home and raise your children. He is giving you some breathing room financially. He is doing what you both agreed to. Now, whether you realize it or not, you're already second-guessing him before you even have had a chance to put down roots. If I were in his shoes, I'd be pretty ticked off if I found out.

So quit jerking him around with all this doubt. Stop feeling guilty for doing what is right for your family. Start being an adult about matters. Quite frankly, if you are feeling this much angst about being away from your parents, brothers, sisters, and whoever else, I think a little separation from them might actually be healthy for you and your marriage.
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Old 11-05-2008, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Cosmic Consciousness
3,871 posts, read 15,144,245 times
Reputation: 2609
Wow.... you already said in your previous thread
Is it morally right to move away from family?
everything there was to say ---- and a huge humber of people gave you their wisdom.
Apparently vast wisdom isn't good enough for you. Fine. Remain a whining child with no values, no philosophy of life, just childish selfishness. Your stamping your feet on the floor and whining that you want the universe to bend to your irrational nonsense is ruining your marriage and your children. That's apparently what you want. But if you refuse to grow, stop asking others to help you grow.
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Old 11-05-2008, 12:35 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,150 posts, read 71,961,341 times
Reputation: 47296
me too. that is why i fly back to memphis frequently.
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Old 11-05-2008, 02:12 PM
 
Location: In a delirium
2,588 posts, read 4,829,767 times
Reputation: 1374
I'm tired of your pity party. Are you up on other forums starting post after post about how you're so sad to be away from your family? Get over it.
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Old 11-05-2008, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,668 posts, read 19,823,324 times
Reputation: 21277
You sound a bit like myself. I always second-guess my decisions! That can be a real snare. As I said before, in your previous thread, I think it is significant that you are able to stay home with your child now. Even with teen-agers, I think that's best, but many people just can't swing that financially. If you can, you are blessed. If you are close with your family, that can mean a lot, but again, lack of financial stress and being able to be a SAHM is extremely valuable as well. Often we just can't have everything we want. Opening one door closes another, but don't feel guilty about it. It's a trade off. If at some point in the future, you and your husband jointly decide you want to move back, then so be it. But I wouldn't continue to obsess about whether you've done the right thing. You said your husband is happy where you are. I think you should try to move forward where you're at.
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Old 11-05-2008, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Central Fl
2,902 posts, read 10,508,441 times
Reputation: 2837
Folks,
Please be respectful in your replies.....

If you would not say something face to face, then do not say it online. You can disagree and still be respectful.

Frank D.
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Old 11-05-2008, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
4,751 posts, read 11,992,518 times
Reputation: 3216
Quote:
Originally Posted by OC California View Post
I feel sad and guilty for trading "family" for this "lifestyle" that I want.
I don't think "sad and guilty" describes it exactly. Maybe more like "disappointed" that you can't have it all? Ideally, you'd like to have extended family, the beach, a low cost of living and an affordable house, and a stay-at-home lifestyle all at the same time.

It doesn't sound that that would happen unless your extended family moves somewhere other than California.

Perhaps rank order what you want and go for the top choices. And then do some major emotional grieving about whatever you are giving up.
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Old 11-05-2008, 05:31 PM
 
575 posts, read 725,603 times
Reputation: 962
I don't agree with the concept that you are trading "family" for "this lifestyle". Staying at homes with your kids IS putting your family first. Your husband and your kids are your family now.

But, someone said that now that the choice is made, you have to live with it. I agree. It sounds like you are spending a lot of time looking back instead of looking forward. You need to sink roots in your new community. Do some volunteer work, bake cookies for a neighbor, get involved at the school.

I also agree with whoever said that you are lucky to be a stay-at-home mom. My husband and I both got laid off last month. Now we will be relocating because it is our only option. But I will do it with a smile on my face and a sense of adventure in my heart. These are the things our kids notice and if they sense fear and depression in me, it will rub off on them.
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