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Old 11-19-2008, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Glendale
1,243 posts, read 2,411,080 times
Reputation: 848

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momof2dfw... I don't have to say anything more... I absolutely agree with your post!

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Old 11-19-2008, 11:30 PM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,296 posts, read 5,210,880 times
Reputation: 1031
Quote:
Originally Posted by SactoBankerGirl View Post
The problem is my husband really seems depressed. I know this is natural under the circumstances. Moving to a strange area, losing his job, the uncertainty of the future is all hard. However, he keeps saying things like, "This move is killing me inside." I wake up in the middle of the night to find him crying in bed (This man NEVER cries). He says he doesn't trust his own mind anymore. So all decision making is laid at my feet and I am still working full time. He is usually the most organized, intelligent person, now he forgets things all the time.

I know part of it is moving so far away from his parents and taking the grandkids away from them. He feels an enormous amount of guilt for that.

However, my feeling is that we have to do what we have to do to survive. I really don't see any jobs popping up around here. I just don't think we have any other choice, especially this far into the process. Am I being insensitive? Should I just call the whole thing off and hope for the best? I'm afraid that if I do that and we DON'T find jobs here locally, I will end up with a lot of resentment toward him.
Interesting,I'm in a similar situation but in reverse...

Anyway best of luck with your decision
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Old 11-20-2008, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,421 posts, read 37,822,098 times
Reputation: 22576
momof2dfw, I tried to give you rep points for your excellent and compassionate post - the idea of talking to his Dad is brilliant - but I have to spread it around a bit before I can.
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:05 AM
 
Location: OH->FL->NJ
9,964 posts, read 8,085,346 times
Reputation: 4220
Sad but especially now.

Employed uber alles.

Life is poo, ya gotta just deal with it. People are disposable commodities now and the fact they were willing to move you is near a miracle. I can identify. I got moved to NJ. I am near noone I know and moved out of reasonable distance to my parents and see them once a year now. Survival is the name of the game.
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Old 11-21-2008, 11:31 AM
 
596 posts, read 766,387 times
Reputation: 1080
Thanks to everyone. Lots of good points.

I have encouraged him to visit his parents and will ask his dad to talk to him. His parents did tell me that when they went through rough times, they shielded it from him to protect his innocence. Now they are going to talk to him and let him know that everybody goes through a tough time sooner or later.

I do hate the idea of emasculating him by becoming the breadwinner. But I hate the idea of my children suffering more.
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Old 11-21-2008, 12:01 PM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,296 posts, read 5,210,880 times
Reputation: 1031
Quote:
Originally Posted by SactoBankerGirl View Post
I have encouraged him to visit his parents and will ask his dad to talk to him. His parents did tell me that when they went through rough times, they shielded it from him to protect his innocence. Now they are going to talk to him and let him know that everybody goes through a tough time sooner or later.

I do hate the idea of emasculating him by becoming the breadwinner. But I hate the idea of my children suffering more.
Happens to alot of us sooner or later...

No offense but how old is this guy? Sounds kinda sheltered
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Old 11-21-2008, 12:39 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 37,269,481 times
Reputation: 5787
Quote:
Originally Posted by SactoBankerGirl View Post
Thanks to everyone. Lots of good points.

I have encouraged him to visit his parents and will ask his dad to talk to him. His parents did tell me that when they went through rough times, they shielded it from him to protect his innocence. Now they are going to talk to him and let him know that everybody goes through a tough time sooner or later.

I do hate the idea of emasculating him by becoming the breadwinner. But I hate the idea of my children suffering more.
At least his parents are willing to help and open to talking to him. It really needs to be his dad, imo. As parents we always try to protect the bad times from our kids and don't want them to know that there are hardships be it just in the marriage or financial. Sometimes even if the parents don't TRY to hide it the kids might not pick up on it. We don't see the depression that one can be in as they are trying to hide it or mask it. As we get older and that lightbulb in our heads go off - we all know the one - WOW, my parents are not as dumb as I thought. We then see that they did have hard times and did suffer some setbacks and it DID bother them.

Good luck
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Old 11-21-2008, 01:00 PM
 
596 posts, read 766,387 times
Reputation: 1080
He is in his mid-40s. But, really has lived a blessed life. No bumps in the road until now.
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Old 11-21-2008, 01:36 PM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,296 posts, read 5,210,880 times
Reputation: 1031
Have him talk to me,that move will seem like cake
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Old 11-23-2008, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Downtown Austin
6,100 posts, read 15,395,275 times
Reputation: 5081
Quote:
It is emasculating to any man to be incapable of supporting his family. If you move you are simply reinforcing this not only to him but to his entire family. Small wonder he is crying.
Yeah, but it's even more devastating to let false pride run a family into a financial ditch. Emotions and feelings can be managed with any number of techniques (and or medication), but financial obligations can only be managed with income. The choice is clear.

Take the path that offers financial certainty. It's a blessing and an option that many don't have in this economy, and the move might lead to new friends and opportunities that aren't at first obvious.

Good luck.

Steve
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