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Old 11-25-2008, 08:05 AM
Location: Houston, TX
17,032 posts, read 26,785,474 times
Reputation: 16188


Originally Posted by SactoBankerGirl View Post
Thanks to everyone. Lots of good points.

I have encouraged him to visit his parents and will ask his dad to talk to him. His parents did tell me that when they went through rough times, they shielded it from him to protect his innocence. Now they are going to talk to him and let him know that everybody goes through a tough time sooner or later.

I do hate the idea of emasculating him by becoming the breadwinner. But I hate the idea of my children suffering more.
Yes, there is a lot of ego in being a good provider as a man, but we all hit a bump at times. I would tthink he should view it as a temporary setback and be happy he has a spouse who can help with the finances. If his field is something that has more job potential and the place you will be transferred to is a 'desirable' location, then go for it.

Sounds like he might be a little too sheltered. I have a few friends who have been hit with layoffs and their spouses are the primary earners now. They all feel this is a temporary situation and are looking for new jobs while doing less desirable work to keep the $$$ flowing in. If he's waking up in tears maybe some professional help is needed. The post about making him the hero is BS, in tough times we all have to man up.
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Old 11-26-2008, 12:35 AM
Location: Home!
8,710 posts, read 10,376,624 times
Reputation: 8511
Yeah, my husband would love if I were the primary breadwinner.

Or even the secondary at this point. Tough time to be searching for employment.
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Old 11-26-2008, 01:01 AM
4,270 posts, read 13,942,431 times
Reputation: 3350
Originally Posted by SactoBankerGirl View Post
we have to do what we have to do to survive.
EXACTLY. You gave yourself the best advice anybody can provide.

In every marriage, sacrifices will have to be made. It sux to be so far away from family and I speak from first hand experience. Discuss with your husband what your options are as a family. If you don't relocate, make a list of the consequences. If you do relocate, how will your situation improve?

I have moved 2000 miles away from my family but this is the sacrifice I have made for my husband. We make the best of it and move on. My family means the world to me and to be away from them is painful but it just makes our visits together even more special.

This move doesn't have to be permanent but it may be necessary. If you don't take this job, how much time will you guys have before things start getting really bad (financially speaking).

You husband needs to get out of his funk. Times are tough and it is selfish of him to put all the burden on you. I'm not trying to dis the fellow - just callin' it like I see it.
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Old 11-26-2008, 06:29 AM
Location: Central Texas
20,380 posts, read 37,667,140 times
Reputation: 22504
Over the last 36 years, my husband and I have traded off in being the primary breadwinner several times, for a variety of reasons (he was in college, I had newborns - twice, 11 years apart - we moved to a new town and one of us got a job first, change of career, one of us started a new business and the other supported us while it took off, then vice versa). That's really what marriage is all about, isn't it, being a team?

I hope that talking with his parents has helped him get some perspective.
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Old 11-28-2008, 10:18 AM
3,395 posts, read 3,338,128 times
Reputation: 9264

Last edited by Book Lover 21; 11-28-2008 at 10:19 AM.. Reason: mistake
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