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Old 11-21-2008, 07:22 PM
 
8 posts, read 32,558 times
Reputation: 10

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My husband and I have been married for 8 years. I have two children from my first marriage, 15 and 13, and we have a child together who is 6. His job is taking him from our state to another state. The 3 kids have always lived with us. My ex has been a loser of a parent for many years, but has been around 'just enough' to be around. Pretty much has only taken them for afternoons here and there. BUT, now that he knows we're moving, he's been working on my 13 year old pretty hard to stay here with him. My older son, 15, would like to stay and finish high school, he'll be a junior, and I don't have a big problem with that, except I'll miss him like crazy. My 13 yr old daughter was all set to come until her father told her it was her choice, illegal for me to take her if she doesn't want to go, blah, blah, blah. He has a knack for laying guilt on the kids, yet hasn't been around. In the last month he has become SuperDad, calling every day and taking them more. Our youngest is so close with her older siblings, she'll be crushed if neither of them come. I am SO po'd at him, as is my entire family. I can't imagine if neither come....
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Old 11-23-2008, 10:03 PM
 
Location: Burlington Washington
100 posts, read 252,086 times
Reputation: 41
Default been there ................

Unfortuntly, the kids grow up. I hate it. The morals and values are set. Do what you need to do for you and your husband. My kids went back and forth with their "wonder dad" and they are doing okay. If you try and make them do what is right it will back fire. Good Luck I can tell u it is a long and stressful road.
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Old 11-24-2008, 10:05 PM
 
8 posts, read 25,279 times
Reputation: 16
Really stressful. Well, as a mother you have to be patient and understandable. Goodluck.
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Old 11-25-2008, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
538 posts, read 1,616,145 times
Reputation: 354
I say let him try it with kids full time, it may not be what he expected, and they will most likely come back to you, especially your daughter. Most of the time kids tend to want to be with the same sex parent. I don't think your daughter will last that long with her father if he hasn't been a constant in her life. Do what is best for your marriage. Your kids will adjust, grow up, and move on. If you give up your marriage at this point what will you have when they are no longer around?
Talk to a lawyer regarding your rights as a custodial parent, he may not be able to keep your daughter if she has always been with you.
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Old 04-12-2013, 01:54 AM
 
Location: Kalamalka Lake, B.C.
2,966 posts, read 3,761,042 times
Reputation: 3768
I see it with oc@nyc above. I certainly can understand your son wanting to finish high school And both your son and daughter are at that age where inserting drama is going to backfire. I think your daughter will eventually want to be with you as well.

There is no mention of the financial arrangements between your ex and yourself, but I'm wondering if he's adjusted his budget to realize just how expensive two teenagers can be! You daughter in particular is too young to work for herself but old enough for the costs to really kick into gear.
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Old 04-12-2013, 02:03 AM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
6,959 posts, read 12,375,199 times
Reputation: 29138
Do you get along with the ex-in-laws? Would they be financially and physically able to take care of both of them. This way your two would be kind of in neutral territory if they stayed and, if you ARE getting along with the exes, might be taken care of a little more than Dear Old Dad once he realizes they are staying and he doesn't have to act nice any more. I know you'll still have to pitch in financially, but it's just a thought.

I do have another idea to think about. If your husband has to go before the end of school, could you afford to stay until school is out? Then take all the kids with you to the new home. Give them the summer to check things out, meet others their age, etc. Even your 13 yr old that he's shoveling the s**t to, just sit down and tell her that's what you'd like her to do. They might want to move with you.

Good luck!
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:27 AM
 
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
15,723 posts, read 23,957,202 times
Reputation: 11687
I think you should make sure your 13 year old knows you REALLY want her to come with you. You don't know what ideas bio-dad is putting in her head ("I always knew they'd leave, your mom loves them more than you, blah blah")....just come right out and say it, say you'll miss her, so will her younger sib and you know she will miss you.

If there are advantages to the new location play them up (more money for better QOL, etc).

My fear in your situation would be a tuned-out parent at the worst possible time in a kid's life. Your kids could go off the rails if he isn't paying full attention.
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:46 AM
 
770 posts, read 963,412 times
Reputation: 1365
Definitely agree with twingles. Calmly express to her that you love her and that you will respect whatever decision she makes, but you want her to know how much you hope she comes with you. Whatever you do, don't feed into any emotional drama that may come up.
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:48 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,802,296 times
Reputation: 61840
What does your divorce decree specify regarding child support and visitation? If he has not followed those to the letter you may be able to take them with a court order and there is nothing he can legally do about it.
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,577 posts, read 4,782,672 times
Reputation: 16482
You are giving advice on a 5 year old thread. The kids are 20 and 18 now.
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