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We moved across country (Texas to Wisconsin) when our kids were 14 and 16, just starting 9th and 11th grades respectively. I can totally relate to what both you and they are going through right now, but there are things you can do to smooth the transition.
Your first and most important step is to get in touch with their future schools. Call up and make an appointment with the counselor for a visit and a tour. If your kids have any special interests - band, sports, drama, whatever - ask for an opportunity to meet the teacher(s) who they'll work with in those areas. Ask about the school's social groups: chess club, dance club, etc, and ask for a chance to meet with the faculty advisers of the groups.
At the same time, see if the district has a psychologist on duty (I'm pretty sure they do, my sister-in-law is a band director with Katy ISD and has said highly complimentary things about the district's services and infrastructure). Get in contact with the psychologist and alert him or her to the fact that your boys are having issues with the move, and ask for help.
Then, once you've made the move and you're all settling in, don't disappear, even if your kids act like they want you to. Get to know the teachers, staff and administrators at the school, volunteer to work on the PTA fundraiser or help chaperone the band trip or work the concession stand at the basketball game. Be a visible part of your children's support system along with the school.
If your kids have special friends back in Florida, see if you can facilitate a visit by those friends, after you've had a chance to settle in a bit. Get to know the area, then your boys can have the fun of taking their Florida friends to a real Texas-style barbeque or rodeo and introducing the Floridians to their new home. It'll give them a sense of ownership and mastery to take their friends from back east all around the school, showing them the things that are uniquely Texas about it.
Speaking from the vantage point of nearly a decade after our move, I can tell you that the first couple of years are likely to be challenging for all of you, but you and they can prevail. Our kids now freely acknowledge that they are far, far happier and incredibly much better off here than they were in the Rio Grande Valley, and they have long since forgiven us for uprooting them as we did.
Good luck to you and your boys, and I hope that the move is a wonderful one!
Couldn't have said it better! These are great suggestions that do work! We moved last year with our children, ages 14, 12 and 9. It wasn't easy - those are tough enough times in a child's life, and then pick up and put them down somewhere with no one they know? Plus it wasn't their choice, and that makes them very angry - it's not a selfish emotion at that time. They want their lives to stay stable in one part, their home, and that's taken away. But I did almost the exact same things above for my kids, and 1 year later, they have come to me and said that if we moved from here, they would be just as upset.
Couldn't have said it better! These are great suggestions that do work! We moved last year with our children, ages 14, 12 and 9. It wasn't easy - those are tough enough times in a child's life, and then pick up and put them down somewhere with no one they know? Plus it wasn't their choice, and that makes them very angry - it's not a selfish emotion at that time. They want their lives to stay stable in one part, their home, and that's taken away. But I did almost the exact same things above for my kids, and 1 year later, they have come to me and said that if we moved from here, they would be just as upset.
Good luck to you!
Sounds like things turned out well for you and your family. I hope I can say the same thing next year.
Right now my own emotions are up and down. I sort of like going through a death in the family. One day minute I am feeling good, the next I am depressed. I just keep pushing forward. Thank goodness I have too many boxes to pack to get too depressed.
I am now 32. My parents moved me 3 times when I was a teen, I had to change schools, leave my friends behind, move into a new house, get rid of my pets, etc.. At the time I thought it was the end of the world. One new school I went to was the hardest. I was in 8th grade and ate lunch alone in the cafeteria for 2 weeks before anyone talked to me. I was wandering around the school, looking for my classes, while the snobby girls huddled in the corner and giggled at me as I walked by. I felt horrible and cried my parents everyday that I hated it and wanted to go back to our old town where all my friends were. Anyway, it was extremelely hard. I didn't understand, being 14, what my parents meant about having to move because of finances and jobs. None of that meant anything to me because I didn't understand. Now looking back, I do understand, and I feel bad for making my mom feel so guilty, I'm sure she cried about it on many occasions also. But she didn't in front of me. After a few months at my new school, I became friends with all those snobby girls, and they ended up being some of the best friends I ever had. I learned a valuable skill from all the moves during my childhood. I can adapt to any situation now, make friends with almost anyone, and I am very outgoing, and I'm always the first one to walk up to the new person and introduce myself. Moving and making new friends actually taught me how to be a well rounded, easily adaptable adult. Your boys WILL get over it in time. There's no need to force them into "getting involved" in the new community or sports right away. It won't be long before they have a new group of friends again. But, get ready to support them at first, when they are going through those weeks of eating alone in the cafeteria though. Trust me, it's not fun and I almost ran away because of it. But I didn't. I stuck it out and I'm glad I did. My mom at the time kept telling me that everyone would like me as soon as they got to know me, and that everything was going to be ok. She was right.
I haven't read all the replys but we moved from Michigan last Summer to North Carolina. We have 3 older kids on their own in Michigan and we have a 16,6,6,2 year old here. My kids hate it here and I hate it too. My 16 year old has had to adjust to school so different then Michigan and to be honest I can't understand the school myself. My 6 year old when they are upset cry to go home. We moved because my husband got a job in Virginia and none to be found in Michigan. It seems and is a real logical reason to move. The issue is we pulled the core out from our children. Family , friends and the feeling of saftey. So we are stuck because we have to have a income but the place we want to be and the memories and family are not here. To be honest I can't see anything to like about here. Children never play outside like in Michigan. In the summer its so hot and bugs flying in your face. You have to spray chemicals in your home to keep bugs out. People have to do what they have to do in these times so there isn't anyone who will be able to say to you it will be okay. Every family is different and every place is different. It also is a lot about your working model. I was raised with family. I can't remember what I got for Christmas but I can remember who was there, family times and to some people like us these things make life what is. The truth when you leave this earth will it be about what you did for a living or will people still think of what they did with you and the great times you had. All I'm saying is to think really hard about a move. If your kids are upset they are upset. It may not just work out. We moved to a place where you can't even find a Lutheran church, people talk different and they just are so different. I think there is a place for everyone, but don't be surprised if the place you leave is really where you belong.
I haven't read all the replys but we moved from Michigan last Summer to North Carolina. We have 3 older kids on their own in Michigan and we have a 16,6,6,2 year old here. My kids hate it here and I hate it too. My 16 year old has had to adjust to school so different then Michigan and to be honest I can't understand the school myself. My 6 year old when they are upset cry to go home. We moved because my husband got a job in Virginia and none to be found in Michigan. It seems and is a real logical reason to move. The issue is we pulled the core out from our children. Family , friends and the feeling of saftey. So we are stuck because we have to have a income but the place we want to be and the memories and family are not here. To be honest I can't see anything to like about here. Children never play outside like in Michigan. In the summer its so hot and bugs flying in your face. You have to spray chemicals in your home to keep bugs out. People have to do what they have to do in these times so there isn't anyone who will be able to say to you it will be okay. Every family is different and every place is different. It also is a lot about your working model. I was raised with family. I can't remember what I got for Christmas but I can remember who was there, family times and to some people like us these things make life what is. The truth when you leave this earth will it be about what you did for a living or will people still think of what they did with you and the great times you had. All I'm saying is to think really hard about a move. If your kids are upset they are upset. It may not just work out. We moved to a place where you can't even find a Lutheran church, people talk different and they just are so different. I think there is a place for everyone, but don't be surprised if the place you leave is really where you belong.
It's very possible that your kids are feeding off of your negativity. You don't have to love a place to make it home.
Home is where your heart is. And my kids react all by themself. When they don;t feel well they come and want to go home. They know that we had to move because Dad found a job so they see things on TV that says things about getting money and they say call Mom then we can go back to Michigan. Again I would say that each family is their own. I feel bad for them as they go outside and we live in a subdivision and I have seen kids going into their home and never do I see one child outside. They are both 6 but not twins and I;m glad they have each other because they love to go outside and play. In Michigan they had kids in the neighborhood and would play for hours.
michiganmom48....yes, moving is difficult on everyone but you as the parent have to set the tone. You can't keep blaming where you live now for not being Michigan. You need to open your mind to find the positive things and then stress those to your kids. No it isn't Michigan. It never will be. But you can embrace the difference and learn to enjoy something new and different or you can spend however long sitting, sulking and whining about how great Michigan is/was blah blah blah. You have to put forth the effort and even so, it takes time. I moved all my life. Sometimes it was good and sometimes not but either way, my experience is no place feels like "home" for a couple of years. You spent you whole life in Michigan it sounds like and now you feel like your new home state ought to measure up in a few months? That's not fair and of course your kids are pulling their attitude from you. Whether or not you know it.
I guess I didn't express myself well. I love Michigan it is a great State and a great place to raise a family. I do miss the sense of belonging , knowing were things are and not being on the outside looking in. What is lost is who lives there. Family, friends loved ones graves and all of that. That is what makes us who we are and not really where we live. My kids are seperate people with their own feelings and abilities to feel them. They like I was were raised around family. They don't miss the Meijers or a street they miss there older brothers and sisters. They miss people. I have been here 6 months and I have really looked at this place and area. I have tried to get involved in activities, We have found a church to visit and the people are nive and the kids go to events they have. WE have stayed in contact with those we love by phone , email. We went home at Christmas but it isn't the same. At the end of the day I hate it here and I'm sorry do not see why anyone would want to live here. With that said the same I'm sure could be said to those who move where I;m from. Everyone is different and like I said everyone has a different working model. I have experienced divorce, death of love ones, loss of jobs and all that and I have gotten up and moved on.
No, I think you expressed yourself fine. Where you are off is thinking that it's just you. That because you love being around family you're somehow feeling things that others just don't understand. I get it. Really. Of course it's not the same. It won't be. You need to make an effort to embrace (not love, not change who you are etc etc but just try to accept and yes, embrace) the difference. I know your kids are different from you but your attitude does carry forth. It is most likely most difficult on the 16 year old. The 6 yr olds and younger are at great ages to adapt but it sounds like you are enabling them to not adapt - by complaining about everything and coddling their being upset. Maybe if you stopped allowing the behavior and projecting a positive attitude they would have an easier time adapting. That is your job you are the mom.....
You don't know me or my family. I get what your saying and use this forum to express myself. If you have read many other threads on this Moving thread you can read that many people , children and families don't just get okau after moving. Because you don't know me I do not walk around the house crying and all that around my children all day. As a Foster paret in Michgigan and a person who went to mEntal health with many of them. Children feel on their own. They just don't get over things just because something changes. Moving is a loss. For some people who choose to it can be great. Many people right now don't have the choice and that makes it very different. WE have taking our children to see things around here and don't just sit here all day singing the Michigan Fight Song. Loss is loss and it comes in many different way. Right now families in general are dealing with many changes. LOss of homes and places they lived. Many just the way of life and things they did or even ate might change as people don't have jobs or the income they once had. I'm sure that parents try hard to make it okay for their children. Children still on their own feel that and parents do as well. All I'm saying is that when changes come people feel. All I'm saying when people think of moving is to really give it thought. WE moved based on fear. NO jobs in MIchigan and was a job here. Sounded great but it isn't. Yes we have a job but it isn't that great. THe rent we pay here we could live in a high end home in MIchigan and many other places. Children never play outside and that is sad, things are differernt. I 'm just saying think before you move. Don't just push away what you feel and say it will be okay. Listen to your children before you move. Right now we are in a place of deciding what we are going to do come July. I won't stay here. WE only get one life to live. There are no do overs. Some people need to have the best of everything, some don't care if they eat a chicken hot dog as long as the people they love are there to eat it too. Everyone has to know what makes them tick. Everyone needs a job but in my husbands case he can get work in other states. I'm just saying think about it, If you have kids school and education are different in each state so check that out. The way people live in each state is different. My Dad was born in Virginia and I had relatives fro the South growing up and even came to Virginia on vacation. I 'm not my Fathers daughter that is very clear. I hare the South, I hate bugs and heat. I hate moving slow and I love 4 seasons. What my husband said to me when he took this job was to give it a year. Year is up come July. Check everything out BEFORE you move. And instead of feeling like whats wrong with me because I hate it here , just move on if you have to and understand that not everywhere is for everyone.
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