Anyone moved somewhere they don't want to be?

[JerZ]

This would be me. And it's not even because this is a "hatable" place. Actually, it's very pretty and there is a ton about it to love. But it isn't home. After four years it still isn't home.

I'm sick with missing true greenery, rain and seasons. Literally sick...I keep thinking I'm over it, then falling back again. Last night I sat on my kitchen floor and sobbed for an hour. I can't even explain how devastating it feels not to be "home".

Not everybody is like me, so I'm not saying this is the right way to feel or anything.

Anyway, we moved here because my family was getting very scattered, but DH's family was still all in one place, and my MIL and FIL had a house for us to rent. At that time my baby was very sick all the time and we were very worried. I felt on the verge of losing my job because my boss wasn't thrilled with how much time I had to take off for my son's illnesses, and my DH did lose his job (due to downsizing). So we moved presumably to be in the comfort of family (DH's family) and a warm climate where my son would stop being sick.

Southern California is adorable, at least the part I'm in. There are roses for 3/4 of the year, everyone's lawn is landscaped (I'm in the suburbs in the SGV), people are sooooooooooo nice. They're 1000X nicer than on the east coast. I could never move back to the specific place in the northeast I grew up in BUT I miss the vibe of the land itself; the way nature was laid out. I have always been very, very tied to nature and seasons. I felt like a fish out of water here nearly from the beginning, once the honeymoon period wore off.

I try and try and try to convince myself how lucky I am, and I am. We even own here, which is getting to be a rarity in SoCal from what I understand. But I am not home here and I don't think I'll ever be home here.

That doesn't mean I don't enjoy certain things here. I definitely do.

My DH is thrilled to be here, of course. He is completely blind and deaf to my feelings on this issue since he DOES feel at home. I mean we're within driving distance of his old high school. His job is here so I am here and I am dying. Every single day I die a little more.

I don't think I'll ever get back home. I think I'll die here.

[Jeromeville]

JerZ you sound like you need a vacation.

[WheredoIlive?]

Originally Posted by JerZ

This would be me. And it's not even because this is a "hatable" place. Actually, it's very pretty and there is a ton about it to love. But it isn't home. After four years it still isn't home.

I'm sick with missing true greenery, rain and seasons. Literally sick...I keep thinking I'm over it, then falling back again. Last night I sat on my kitchen floor and sobbed for an hour. I can't even explain how devastating it feels not to be "home".

Not everybody is like me, so I'm not saying this is the right way to feel or anything.

Anyway, we moved here because my family was getting very scattered, but DH's family was still all in one place, and my MIL and FIL had a house for us to rent. At that time my baby was very sick all the time and we were very worried. I felt on the verge of losing my job because my boss wasn't thrilled with how much time I had to take off for my son's illnesses, and my DH did lose his job (due to downsizing). So we moved presumably to be in the comfort of family (DH's family) and a warm climate where my son would stop being sick.

Southern California is adorable, at least the part I'm in. There are roses for 3/4 of the year, everyone's lawn is landscaped (I'm in the suburbs in the SGV), people are sooooooooooo nice. They're 1000X nicer than on the east coast. I could never move back to the specific place in the northeast I grew up in BUT I miss the vibe of the land itself; the way nature was laid out. I have always been very, very tied to nature and seasons. I felt like a fish out of water here nearly from the beginning, once the honeymoon period wore off.

I try and try and try to convince myself how lucky I am, and I am. We even own here, which is getting to be a rarity in SoCal from what I understand. But I am not home here and I don't think I'll ever be home here.

That doesn't mean I don't enjoy certain things here. I definitely do.

My DH is thrilled to be here, of course. He is completely blind and deaf to my feelings on this issue since he DOES feel at home. I mean we're within driving distance of his old high school. His job is here so I am here and I am dying. Every single day I die a little more.

I don't think I'll ever get back home. I think I'll die here.

Wow you sound like me.

I still feel like this place is NOT home. At least I am not missing greenery and seasons, Does your DH know how you feel? I feel like Ill never get to go home either. I almost divorced to go home. {seriously} Course no one is left at "home" and people left there are leaving. Family spread out in 90 different directions. Hope your son is feeling better. It is a very lonely feeling. I refused a move to Arizona, because I knew I would hate desert and lack of water and greenery: I have the same thing about the land too even if I dont own any land. Can you afford a visit back home? even for acouple weeks. Ive been too sick to travel, but I may even attempt a visit back.

[Tama]

This thread is sad. It is the a factor of having such a huge country and the mobility involved. Is the answer to face reality and embrace the change and benefits of the new place rather than yearn for the past? Or is it to face reality and realize people need home and family and it is wrenching to disturb that bond?

I went through the pain of relocation decades ago with no email or internet to ease the burden. And now as the economy downshifts and airlines uptick their fares and increase their stops and decrease their amenities, traveling back home has become more difficult.

I finally adjusted and felt happy at my new location--but now as retirement looms and parents age and family support is needed ---I face having to move back and I don't know if I can adjust again or learn to face weeks of gray skies and northeast winters. Twice in one lifetime seems too much to bear.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by WheredoIlive?

Wow you sound like me.

I still feel like this place is NOT home. At least I am not missing greenery and seasons, Does your DH know how you feel? I feel like Ill never get to go home either. I almost divorced to go home. {seriously} Course no one is left at "home" and people left there are leaving. Family spread out in 90 different directions. Hope your son is feeling better. It is a very lonely feeling. I refused a move to Arizona, because I knew I would hate desert and lack of water and greenery: I have the same thing about the land too even if I dont own any land. Can you afford a visit back home? even for acouple weeks. Ive been too sick to travel, but I may even attempt a visit back.

Hi...I tried to PM you but wasn't able to (???)...feel free to PM me! Please. I'd love to have someone to talk this over with.

My DH definitely knows my feelings. He's actually been talking more lately about eventually moving to a less expensive area. He knows I need the tree/seasons vibe or at least something approximating it although yesterday he brought up Bishop, CA...which apparently gets even less rain than here and is even more dusty...huh???? Honestly, if he demands that we move there (eventually...this is all a few years in the future) I will not be going with him. I love him but I will absolutely not be going with them. I'll be getting closer to 50 by that time and am done scr*wing around with my life having it revolve around a man and his deepest desires. What about mine?

Bishop aside, we were in Big Bear this past week, had the time of our lives (it is a wonderful place and DH has been going there for 35+ years) and talked a lot about how great it would be to live there.

Can I ask where you moved from and where you live now?

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Tama

This thread is sad. It is the a factor of having such a huge country and the mobility involved. Is the answer to face reality and embrace the change and benefits of the new place rather than yearn for the past? Or is it to face reality and realize people need home and family and it is wrenching to disturb that bond?

I went through the pain of relocation decades ago with no email or internet to ease the burden. And now as the economy downshifts and airlines uptick their fares and increase their stops and decrease their amenities, traveling back home has become more difficult.

I finally adjusted and felt happy at my new location--but now as retirement looms and parents age and family support is needed ---I face having to move back and I don't know if I can adjust again or learn to face weeks of gray skies and northeast winters. Twice in one lifetime seems too much to bear.

I am so sorry. I really hope you get to stay where you are.

[BusyMomofOne]

Sometimes it is best to move, you have to carefully weight the pros and cons, but what I had come to believe is that you can be happy "almost" anywhere if you truly want to be, noticed i said ALMOST!