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Old 04-22-2009, 05:28 PM
943 posts, read 2,021,300 times
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Originally Posted by Morphous01 View Post
I'm still young but I'm going to take heed to your warning. I did live in California for 6 years after High school but during those years I learned that it was hard to find real friends (guys and girls).

Anyhow I moved back to my home state and even though sometimes I have the feeling to move again I don't think I will because no matter where you go things are always the same due to the fact that life starts from the inside out instead of the outside in...
Thanks I am glad you will think about what I wrote here. It is hard to find roots and friends, and one of my friends says a person who has one real friend nowadays is lucky indeed. One thing we all have to remember is we have to take ourselves with us...LOL I know I have problems that would remain the same no matter what laid outside the door. We have to avoid the so called "geographical cure" this is what they call it in the *recovery movement*. I know some exploration when young is ok, but dont spend years and years wondering, can be a bad deal.
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Old 04-22-2009, 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted by pirate_lafitte View Post
Reading all of these posts, I will give my own experience. I don't know if all of the moving I did as a child(I attended 4 elementary school in 3 states), but compared to the rest of my siblings, I was the child in the family who had the hardest time making friends. My family did alot of moving around. My father went wherever he could make good money. By the time I was 4 years old, I already lived in 2 previous states and was living in my third state, Washington. I started kindergarten in Everett,WA and made friends. Then they moved away and I later ended up with new neighbors. When I was 6 years old I moved to South Carolina. New place, new things. Big shift in region and culture. I only made one close friend and then I moved when I was 8. I moved again two months before my 10th birthday, in the middle of 4th grade. By the time I was 10 years old, I was conditioned to believe that within 2 years I would be living somewhere else. Each time I moved I may have made a few "friends" but I never really established any roots. My siblings spent nearly their entire school years in the same place. They make friends easier than I do and they have friends they have known longer. The last move I made before turning 18 was when I was 11. To say the least I had a hard time making friends for many reasons. After about two years, I actually did want to move away. I think the constant moving my family did as a child may have had a weird effect on me. Whenever I felt like I wasn't being liked in a certain place, I felt a need to move somewhere else and start over, rather than stay and stick it out, which kind of hampered my own ability to keep some friendships. I think the effect has stayed with me because whenever I feel unwelcomed, I don't try to go and make friends or establish roots. I was so used to moving that when my family finally settled down and established roots, it was embedded in me to move away whenever I felt like I couldn't make it socially in a place. It could have been that I moved to so many places before age 11 and by that time it was difficult to make any close friends. I had to compete with children who already were vested in the community and had friends from childhood. I don't know what I would have been like if I had stayed in one place for a long time. I may have been a bit friendlier, who knows.
Yeah that had to affect you badly, its too bad you and your siblings couldnt relate on this stuff more. Mine probably kept me going, my family averaged 7 years per place though, and the last one in high school, mother is still there, so this much moving had to be hard. I think I experienced trauma over moving when I was 12-13, from VA to MI, I have the type of personality though where CHANGE is very difficult, more then usual. So I understand. I hope things are going better for you now. I have become less social lately but that is due to other reasons, but may be getting some new friends, it is slow going.
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Old 04-22-2009, 05:35 PM
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Originally Posted by elamigo View Post
I agree. It depends on the individual. I have been in the Army the last 30 years and we have moved a lot. We moved from El Paso, then to Ft. Hood, then to Virginia, then to Kentucky, then the family moved back to El Paso while I went away to Korea, then we moved Germany, from there back to Virginia, then to NC, and then back to El Paso while I went to Korea for two year and and then I went to Missouri and the family waited for me in El Paso. Now I am in El Paso and will retire here after 32 years.

I selected a great woman for a wife. I never had any concern for the family. She made it a home wherever we moved. In the darkest moments in my military life while in dangers way, I never was a afraid for our children because I knew the had a great mom. She dragged the home following me and made that place where I wanted to be at the end of the day or when I returned from deployments.

She kept a good home where our girls grew up and became mature and healthy kids. They are all adults now and are confident and solid human being with assertive self esteem due to all the things they learned all over the world.

Did they cry at times of move leaving friends behind or the school behind or a neighborhood behind? They did but they also made a lot of other friends and now have a lot of great memories we still sit down and talk about the great experiences all over the world. The are very open minded in many areas of their lives since they got to see other cultures and customs and met so many people.

I have had the opportunity to be in about 30 countries and about 25 states and I never let the inconenience affect to the point of being traumatized for life nor did my family. My wife could not wait to be back in the good old U.S.A as soon as she got off the plane in Frankfurt, Germany but during the three years we lived there she made sure to make the best of it for us and the girls. She now has so many displays all over the house of souvenirs from the Oktober fest in Germany, the Eiffel tower, England, Italy, Switzerland, Sweeded, Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Berling, Checoslovakia, etc.

Our oldest daughter stayed in Germany at age 19 when it was time for us to return to the states. She had a very hard time in the beginning but she tough it out and had a bad experience with an italian guy but she grew stronger. She did not sit down and complain about it the rest of ther life. She just got up and got hold of her life and still stay living there and stayed there for at least 10 more years. She learned to speak German and and now she is back in the states living in Atlanta. She still loves to travel. All my girls now have friends living in so many places and they can at any time go and visit so many places free when they visit old freinds the met in so many places.
It is a matter of attitude if you want to let the bad hunt you the rest of your life.

Life is what you make of it.

Roots? To us ther roots move with us where we make it a home because the roots that stay with you for life and part of your roots is your family wherever they are.

Your true friends are there for you also wherever you are.

You have a great day.
El Amigo
It sounds like you made this work for you, and your children. Some people do blossom under moving a lot, especially if they have a strong marriage where both partners are pulling the sled the same direction and kids that can handle it perosnality wise and more especially if there is a greater goal, like defending the country, etc. I know the military life, definitely is a lifestyle that definitely requires moving a lot. I have a close friend I have known since college, who is in the military and has lived all over the place, she is single, I do not know how she handles things being new so often with no family except her parents at home but her temperament seems ok with handling it.
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Old 04-22-2009, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted by nuala View Post
It's an interesting dilemma. I do perfectly get what the OP is saying, - but since only about 8 years ago. Before that - I wasn't ready to settle. So to me, it was about timing, about growing, about age. When I was younger I used to feel like my life was being wasted in my native city. I literally would sit in my parent's summer place, or in never-ending winters, and get this weird feeling of my life slipping by pointlessly. So I moved not just across towns or cities, I moved across continents, and oh boy, did I get the helping of all that I wanted. New language, culture shock, all senses assaulted. Worked in few Canadian and American cities. Always large cities, both in my native country, and in North America.

Fast forward, and here I am, in a small village by a small town (yep, that big-city girl). Looking at the local 16-year olds, I do wish for them to go and explore the world, to open their minds. Yet you couldn't move me with a hundred oxes. I found my final destination, my quiet harbour, and I feel like if I don't have many friends (and friends are inevitably lost when you move), I'll be fine among this nature.

So - yes, it all depends on how a person is wired
Yeah when we are young, we think what would life be like here, or there. I can understand the young exploring and moving, and wanting to know what lies in the world oustide their small town. Even I moved to Chicago thinking I could find more things there, and I definitely learned more then I would have known, [did regret that move] but I found self even having a few fond memories the other day.
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Old 04-22-2009, 07:39 PM
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I think you are focusing on what you missed, but people like me whose parents never moved from place to place, but thru. divorce parents moved, which bring issues of trust. There are thousands of people who move to large cities and leave their friends and family behind, never to rejoin. There are millions of people who leave their highschool friends behind except the alumni parties. And same thing with college friends.

I think if you have a close knit family, then your parents and sibling are your best friends.

People who immigrate leave their families and communities behind and visit once a year or two.

Some people are surrounded by childhood associates and just want to get away, while others love their childhood alliances.

There is no hard and fast rule for what will make us happy or children happy.

But I am certain that if a family is close knit, everything else will fall into place.
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Old 04-22-2009, 10:03 PM
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Originally Posted by WheredoIlive? View Post
Well to be honest, I do not know how making geographical move, will help career opportunities unless you are in middle of very remote area. I did that twice myself, and well, even there I worked at a stressful social work job for 12 bucks an hour in the mid-90s and got sick. I did the young thing of moving to a big city for career advancement. I guess one thing i should say it can be a gamble it doesnt always work out. All my siblings moved for jobs, some ended up poor, now some are so poor, they cant visit. I only see my brother only once every 2-3 years. There is no HOME now either. The best thing to offer kids to be honest is stable home evironment where they are not moved.
Hmmm.. I've actually been thinking about moving to a big city for "career advancement". Guess the grass is not always greener. Thanks for the insightful post.
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Old 04-23-2009, 05:58 AM
Location: North Carolina
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Originally Posted by malamute View Post
I think it's an individual thing -- some people do best if they buy the house next door to their parents and stay living on the same block their entire lives. Others are too restless to stay in one place long -- but maybe it depends also on their reasons for packing up and moving. If it's for adventure and learning new places and people, that's a good thing, but if they're escaping from something, that wouldn't be so good. Some people seem to want to escape family, friends, or something.
Good post

At nearly 60 and 50 respectively, my spouse and I are sort of hermits with itchy feet. We've spent the longest years ever in our current spot (12) and can't wait for retirement so we can basically sell up and hit the road in a small RV. I wouldn't say we have close friends; our third shift schedules cut down drastically on a social life; but we tend to prefer one another's company anyway. Neither of us are close to each FOO (family of origin) but that is probably because they are the types to squat and grow moss in one spot. If that's what makes them happy, cool beans. We're made of different stuff; we're happy with ourselves; we see no reason to change. And should our relationship follow the typical statistics - that I will spend several decades in widowhood - I'll be able to fend for myself. I'm at ease with taking off for several days of solitary riding on my motorcycle as it is; my spouse approves; so I'll miss the total fun of being with him, but will survive.
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Old 04-23-2009, 02:09 PM
Location: Sunset Mountain
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Are you my ex wife? Because I totally could be your ex-husband (except I'm a woman). I have to speak for the "Mover" in this example because that is exactly what I feel like I do to my family. I'm 34, and just two years ago I realized I can't run from myself.

Ya big shocker there....but serious enough, that's the problem I had. Issues I couldn't figure out how to deal with because I didn't know what those issues were. So I moved. and moved. And moved again.

1. away from toxic family
2. away from dead end job
3. away from college I flunked...again.
4. away from ex's and Oh's and some other thing I came up with

It is a habitual pattern....and not once did my husband say, "honey, this is the 4th coffee table busted from us moving, are we settled yet?"

When I realized I was going in circles, I asked DH, "hey, why are you putting up with this crap?"
He replied, "When you figure out where you're going just know I'll be there with you as your co-pilot."

I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out for you. And I'm sorry your spouse may have not figured out where the path was...

But I feel you completely. My friends are fly-by-night people I connect with then I'm off again. Same way with jobs and apartments. Restlessness comes in many forms. Some people never leave the county they live in, and generations before them have never left either. I'm glad I got to see what I "thought I was missing", be glad you got to experience those places some people only really dream about going?

There are lots of places to make friends, you can move to a city or state that has maybe your favorite relative and bunk down there for company, but like I did, my sister moved out of state 3 months after I came here. Just live for yourself for a while, who knows, you may like what you find. You'll find people with common interests and experiences as yourself and before you know it, you're home again. It has taken me roughly 2 years to feel at home in this new place. And I only made one friend.
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Old 04-24-2009, 04:16 PM
47,557 posts, read 45,245,703 times
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Originally Posted by WheredoIlive? View Post
Yeah that had to affect you badly, its too bad you and your siblings couldnt relate on this stuff more. Mine probably kept me going, my family averaged 7 years per place though, and the last one in high school, mother is still there, so this much moving had to be hard. I think I experienced trauma over moving when I was 12-13, from VA to MI, I have the type of personality though where CHANGE is very difficult, more then usual. So I understand. I hope things are going better for you now. I have become less social lately but that is due to other reasons, but may be getting some new friends, it is slow going.
Me and my siblings couldln't relate to it because I went through it during my elementary school years. They went through it until they were in the early stages of elementary school. They had more time to make more friends and keep friends longer. I had to constantly start over.
I can relate to your trauma. Through age 0 to 18, I averaged 2.5 years per place and my lifetime average up to now is about 2.8 years per place. My last move with the family was the day before my first day of 6th grade. The one thing I remember most was the culture shock of that particular move. I moved from a relatively urban area to a very rural area. Hopefully, you become more social. I still have alot of work to do.
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Old 04-25-2009, 07:56 AM
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My "moving experiences" have all been positive! I was the son of a sailor, so we moved up and down the East Coast. Yes, it was harder for me to make friends because I knew that I'd be moving on sooner or later. But the reverse side of that coin is that I saw so many different places and learned to adapt quickly to changing situations. When I graduated high school, I joined the military and spent the next 23 years traveling and experiencing the wonders & delights of many countries. At age 43, we finally settled down to our "retirement" home and we LOVE it here in SW Ohio! The locals have taken us in as one of their own and we truly love being a part of local affairs in our township. So, for us, moving was a truly wonderful expperience.
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