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As someone who's moved a few times, I'd like to offer my own perspective. I think there are certain personality types who enjoy moving and adapt better than other ones. I do not think moving ALWAYS destroys your life. It depends on your REASONS why you move. I have found that moving has made it easier for making friends because you get used to meeting different people and seeing the world in a different way. It depends on how often you move too and how far. I don't really regret any of my past moves because I had some great experiences. I do hope that this next move we make this summer will be the last big one and that after that, it's just again when we buy a house. That being said, if there were real reasons to move, I'd be open for moving again. But most of moves have NOT been motivated by money either. I could "justify" leaving or staying. My move to Alaska was motivated by love. I still love my husband and I'm glad we're moving together. I am glad I got to know his family in a way I wouldn't have if I hadn't lived here. I can't stand the winters though. We're moving to be near my family, so it will be nice to see them again. My move to Boston was motivated by just liking Boston and being young, single, and free. I think that's a perfectly healthy thing and I look back fondly on those years. I don't think my life is destroyed at all, but enhanced by different perspectives. That being said, if you were married to someone who dragged you everywhere for the next get rich quick scheme, then yes, all those moves would not be healthy.
I agree. Moving may be good for some but not for others. I hate reneging, on my promise to self when moving into Hillsdale {NEVER GIVE UP A LOVED TOWN for a ***** that I wanted to grow old there, but the town died on me. I would have been happiest I think in area full of family and friends living there my entire life. I think it can work out for some not for others. I am one of those personalities that needs to be more rooted, but have had the exact opposite sort of life.
There is some truth to what you say. However, I have moved all my life and sold my possessions many time. It's what you hold in your heart, not what you carry on your back, that counts.
Long distance relationships are possible, especially today. And it is never to late to make new friends. Like everything else, it's a commitment, something you have to set your mind to and work at.
Remember, not all who wander are lost.
My problem is all my relationships are long distant, except the friendly folks I eat dinner with once a week at church, my church is small, and shares meals every Sunday afternnoon. I talk to around 12 people weekly who are long distance, and maybe 20 others on less often basis. Everyone lives far away and spread out. I am sick too and broke, so stink at visiting folks.
I agree 100%. I would love to move back to Ohio where all of my family is. I just have to have the guts to do it. Selling a house and getting a job in this economy has me worried!!!!
Thanks, I hope you can get back to your family. I could move near brother in Ohio but not sure, wherever God wants me to end up, as I have applied for bunch of disabled housing. This economy is frightening. I am broke now while still married, so you can see how scared I am about being disabled and on my own having to live on 1100 a month!
Don't forget that years ago, it was possible to get into a job and expect it to last for 20-30 years, and houses were considerably cheaper. That is not possible any more and with the current recession/depression, sometimes people do need to move. It's not too healthy to live in one place and remain unemployed for long periods of time, and a career change is not as easily done with today's job requirements and fussy employers.
Don't forget that years ago, it was possible to get into a job and expect it to last for 20-30 years, and houses were considerably cheaper. That is not possible any more and with the current recession/depression, sometimes people do need to move. It's not too healthy to live in one place and remain unemployed for long periods of time, and a career change is not as easily done with today's job requirements and fussy employers.
I think the ways things were done in the old days was far better, where there was far more cohesion. Social capital...{check out the book BOWLING ALONE] has declined, and because the social contract is breaking down with short term greed basically turning Americans into iternirant serfs, social connections are breaking down along with it. I know I moved out of desperation too, it always had to do with NO JOB, even during my disability years, when husband needed job. Unemployment leads to ruined lives too. I know many people even in my old town, which died economically who stayed were quite poor.
Granted....poverty sucks regardless of whether you are moving or not. The trick is to refuse to feel like a victim. Just take where you are at and what you have and do the best you can do with it for that day until the circumstances change for the better.
I remember being close to homeless once and just about out of food for my kids. I realized I could either give up or use it as a springboard of determination to get out of my mess. In 6 months, our lives turned around. It felt like a long journey until we got to the other side. Now I realize it was just a short period of time in my life that brought out our strengths and made us a better family.
I am old now, and I am going to be alone.
If I was 20 again, and could do things over again, I would choose a nice small town [or hometown if it is decent enough] and STAY there the rest of MY life.
Build some roots...build some community...build connections with others.
Even if you think I must move to build the career, take it from me, if you move too much, it can destroy a life if nothing works out.
I made the mistake of marrying someone who due to their own problems, never could keep a job for very long even though he lasted at one for 4 or 5 years, he never had a stable career, and I feel like I have wandered all over.
I never wanted to leave the last town, and well...I have talked about that enough.
I have lived in Wash DC, Arlington VA, Gambrills MD, Battle Creek MI, Kalamazoo MI, Middlebury IN, Chicago IL--Two addresses there, HIllsdale MI, ST. Joseph MI and now who knows where I am going to end up.
I have no friends now, not roots, and cant go back to Hillsdale because the town is emptying out--oddly not being discussed publically by anyone, but you know things are scary on the street corner down from your apt building which is now empty too basically, you can count 12 empty homes and that is just one snippet of the place.
You do not want to end up like me middle aged, with no friends. {well I HAVE friends, but they are all LONG DISTANCE} Frankly, going day to day with no friends STINKS, and it takes a long time to foster good relationships.
People who STAY in one place and do not wander do a lot better.
I have no family, because everyone moved away miles and miles from each other. This was fine when everyone was 25 and could drive 500 miles a few times a year, but not fine as time and distance turned everyone into strangers. I have nieces and nephews I only see once every few years. It stinks. No one lives in one place where I can go to. My family is basically strangers to each other and doesnt even exsist.
I know I must be careful about where I am going, because I never want to move again.
I'm still young but I'm going to take heed to your warning. I did live in California for 6 years after High school but during those years I learned that it was hard to find real friends (guys and girls).
Anyhow I moved back to my home state and even though sometimes I have the feeling to move again I don't think I will because no matter where you go things are always the same due to the fact that life starts from the inside out instead of the outside in...
Last edited by Morphous01; 04-07-2009 at 07:48 PM..
Reading all of these posts, I will give my own experience. I don't know if all of the moving I did as a child(I attended 4 elementary school in 3 states), but compared to the rest of my siblings, I was the child in the family who had the hardest time making friends. My family did alot of moving around. My father went wherever he could make good money. By the time I was 4 years old, I already lived in 2 previous states and was living in my third state, Washington. I started kindergarten in Everett,WA and made friends. Then they moved away and I later ended up with new neighbors. When I was 6 years old I moved to South Carolina. New place, new things. Big shift in region and culture. I only made one close friend and then I moved when I was 8. I moved again two months before my 10th birthday, in the middle of 4th grade. By the time I was 10 years old, I was conditioned to believe that within 2 years I would be living somewhere else. Each time I moved I may have made a few "friends" but I never really established any roots. My siblings spent nearly their entire school years in the same place. They make friends easier than I do and they have friends they have known longer. The last move I made before turning 18 was when I was 11. To say the least I had a hard time making friends for many reasons. After about two years, I actually did want to move away. I think the constant moving my family did as a child may have had a weird effect on me. Whenever I felt like I wasn't being liked in a certain place, I felt a need to move somewhere else and start over, rather than stay and stick it out, which kind of hampered my own ability to keep some friendships. I think the effect has stayed with me because whenever I feel unwelcomed, I don't try to go and make friends or establish roots. I was so used to moving that when my family finally settled down and established roots, it was embedded in me to move away whenever I felt like I couldn't make it socially in a place. It could have been that I moved to so many places before age 11 and by that time it was difficult to make any close friends. I had to compete with children who already were vested in the community and had friends from childhood. I don't know what I would have been like if I had stayed in one place for a long time. I may have been a bit friendlier, who knows.
I think it depends on the individual. One of my aunts left home at 18, traveled to Houston, found an exciting career and boss, moved to New York, then to Washington DC when the boss got a prestigious job, she traveled much with the boss and wife, business trips to many countries, moved back to New York, retired and moved to Chicago and then back home to Michigan.
She had millions of friends, still had family members although several of them scattered also. She had friends from Australia, Japan, Germany, and many from New York and Washington DC.
I agree. It depends on the individual. I have been in the Army the last 30 years and we have moved a lot. We moved from El Paso, then to Ft. Hood, then to Virginia, then to Kentucky, then the family moved back to El Paso while I went away to Korea, then we moved Germany, from there back to Virginia, then to NC, and then back to El Paso while I went to Korea for two year and and then I went to Missouri and the family waited for me in El Paso. Now I am in El Paso and will retire here after 32 years.
I selected a great woman for a wife. I never had any concern for the family. She made it a home wherever we moved. In the darkest moments in my military life while in dangers way, I never was a afraid for our children because I knew the had a great mom. She dragged the home following me and made that place where I wanted to be at the end of the day or when I returned from deployments.
She kept a good home where our girls grew up and became mature and healthy kids. They are all adults now and are confident and solid human being with assertive self esteem due to all the things they learned all over the world.
Did they cry at times of move leaving friends behind or the school behind or a neighborhood behind? They did but they also made a lot of other friends and now have a lot of great memories we still sit down and talk about the great experiences all over the world. The are very open minded in many areas of their lives since they got to see other cultures and customs and met so many people.
I have had the opportunity to be in about 30 countries and about 25 states and I never let the inconenience affect to the point of being traumatized for life nor did my family. My wife could not wait to be back in the good old U.S.A as soon as she got off the plane in Frankfurt, Germany but during the three years we lived there she made sure to make the best of it for us and the girls. She now has so many displays all over the house of souvenirs from the Oktober fest in Germany, the Eiffel tower, England, Italy, Switzerland, Sweeded, Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Berling, Checoslovakia, etc.
Our oldest daughter stayed in Germany at age 19 when it was time for us to return to the states. She had a very hard time in the beginning but she tough it out and had a bad experience with an italian guy but she grew stronger. She did not sit down and complain about it the rest of ther life. She just got up and got hold of her life and still stay living there and stayed there for at least 10 more years. She learned to speak German and and now she is back in the states living in Atlanta. She still loves to travel. All my girls now have friends living in so many places and they can at any time go and visit so many places free when they visit old freinds the met in so many places.
It is a matter of attitude if you want to let the bad hunt you the rest of your life.
Life is what you make of it.
Roots? To us ther roots move with us where we make it a home because the roots that stay with you for life and part of your roots is your family wherever they are.
Your true friends are there for you also wherever you are.
It's an interesting dilemma. I do perfectly get what the OP is saying, - but since only about 8 years ago. Before that - I wasn't ready to settle. So to me, it was about timing, about growing, about age. When I was younger I used to feel like my life was being wasted in my native city. I literally would sit in my parent's summer place, or in never-ending winters, and get this weird feeling of my life slipping by pointlessly. So I moved not just across towns or cities, I moved across continents, and oh boy, did I get the helping of all that I wanted. New language, culture shock, all senses assaulted. Worked in few Canadian and American cities. Always large cities, both in my native country, and in North America.
Fast forward, and here I am, in a small village by a small town (yep, that big-city girl). Looking at the local 16-year olds, I do wish for them to go and explore the world, to open their minds. Yet you couldn't move me with a hundred oxes. I found my final destination, my quiet harbour, and I feel like if I don't have many friends (and friends are inevitably lost when you move), I'll be fine among this nature.
So - yes, it all depends on how a person is wired
Last edited by nuala; 04-07-2009 at 10:21 PM..
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