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Old 03-28-2009, 11:57 AM
450 posts, read 925,337 times
Reputation: 362


Originally Posted by rusheib View Post
I took a job promotion and moved from Ohio to Houston. I have a loving wife and two kids 6 and 4. I knew relocating would be difficult as friends and family are all back in Ohio. I won't rehash the problems with leaving everything we know - it's been covered in this forum and my situation is the same. I regret taking that part of my children's life away from them. Houston is fine, but it isn't a fit for my family.

I want to quit my job and move back to Ohio. The reason is I have to travel overnight about 2-3 nights a week. It is very difficult on my wife who is a type 1 diabetic. She has very low energy and the night alone are taking a toll on her health. I can see it. I knew the travel was involved when I took the promotion, but now that I am doing it it's a lot harder that I thought. Plus, leaving them alone in a new place makes me feel horrible when I'm out to dinner with clients staying in nice hotels.

My wife wants to stick it out, but I know we made a mistake moving and taking on this new job position. I find it easy to say we made a mistake and let's fix it. She is very kind to me and I know she would rather be back home in Ohio. She tells me we should have thought of these things before we moved and we are here now.

Honestly I didn't realize how much of an impact leaving family, having the kids miss weddings, birthdays, Easter, etc. I knew we would miss these things when we decided to move, but now that it is a reality it is different. Does that make sense? I knew it but maybe I downplayed it to justify the move.

We have a nice big house, nice income, but we're in the fastlane now. I don't like it. I like being home with my family at night and living an easy life in a modest home, and having time to play with the kids in the park. We had the good life and I chose to leave it behind. Why?

I don't know how to take the first step and move back to Ohio and get a new job. I would be OK making less money, but the job market is tough now even for any occupation. I wish I didn't take this promotion.

I left a life with a small house payment, plenty of family time, and a happy wife and kids. We now have a big house but not a home. I have a successful career but don't care. The career does not define me. Family parties in Ohio, holidays, weddings, and just raking the leaves in the backyard defines me. We had everything set up perfectly and left it behind for a job promotion.

How do I reverse this? Is there a way? I'm thinking of searching Monster.com and taking my chances. I hate to give up my four weeks of vacation and years of service with this company and start over, but I would just to get back to a simple life.

Any advice? Thanks!
Think this over carefully! Unemployment in Ohio is high at this time, home foreclosure rates are high as well. Are you possibly experiencing some old fashioned homesickness which will pass when you make new friends? Find a good support group by joining a church with a caring congregation. Find a social outlet, be it a club, school related activities or things you can share with your family and meet new friends. Learn to appreciate the differences and relish the experiences between your old and new homes! Chances are you will not be in Houston the rest of your life, as the typical American moves about every five years anyway. File all that you learn in your memory banks, as someday you will look back on Houston as you now do on Ohio. Time always seems to help us smooth out the difficult memories and appreciate the good ones more. Don't worry about your kids, children are amazingly adaptive to new situations. Besides, "home" may have remained fixed in your mind, but time has progressed there as well, and you may find it different than what you remember and expected. As one who has had his share of relocations, I speak from experience, you really can't go home again! Sometimes our decisions seem to be unexplainable, but I believe that God uses them to fulfill His purposes in our lives. You have been "planted" there. Instead of looking back at "Egypt", search out His purpose for you there---even Israel had to go through the desert. Best wishes.
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Old 03-28-2009, 11:31 PM
1,688 posts, read 6,881,299 times
Reputation: 1988
Originally Posted by rusheib View Post
We had an eventful night last night.

I don't know how I missed this I truly don't.
My heart goes out to you.

Please remember one thing: we women are very good at hiding that which we do not want our loved ones to see. Why? A desire to protect, to spare pain, to insulate.

You didn't miss it my dear. Have you considered it wasn't there for you to see? Maybe it wasn't visable. And unless I'm gravely mistaken, you're not a mind-reader either.

It is very clear you care deeply about your family. Had you seen signs, I do not think, I cannot conceive, you would have ignored them. You will do everything in your power to put this right... this much is clear.

Depression is like a tree. You are seeing the trunk now, whereas before maybe you only saw a few branches. BUT, with the help of professional medical staff, you need to get to the roots.

Do not think that you are without support. You are not- you are not alone. Call someone to come help you with the children - they will need a familiar face and someone who they trust.

May I suggest something? You need to be totally and completely honest with your boss. Your boss cannot help you to help your family if you do not appraise him/her of what's going on. And it is important that you do - no one can treat anyone else fairly based on half-truths.
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Old 03-29-2009, 09:56 AM
Location: Louisiana
97 posts, read 250,944 times
Reputation: 47
When we moved away from family, (job transfer - better pay) it actually made us bond and stronger as a family unit. My kids were young and adapted to a new school. We made frequent trips to the library, would go to movies, fishing, etc. We had a lot of quality time as a family. We did not know anyone so we only had each other. I was always used to working before and it was hard to adapt to not. I think your wife needs to find an outlet to get her out of the house. This may open up a whole new world for her. There are volunteering opportunities everywhere. I can definitely understand feeling depressed. I would feel that way when my kids were at school but just made the best of it. My husband worked in the oilfield and was gone a lot; he was on 24/7 call.

My father was suddenly killed in an automobile accident. He and my mother had just visited us the weekend before. So, we made the choice to move back home to be with my mother. This was in 1994. My children, to this day, still talk about our life when we lived there. It was a different culture they got to experience that they appreciate. They also missed how we would go to movies a lot, fish, afternoon rides to explore our new territory. We had formed such a bond together. Moving back home, we settled right back in. I went back to work, etc.

BTW, I am a diabetic too. I had to find new doctors, etc. I remember calling the secretary at my husband's company for advice on everything because she was the only person I knew there. Our routine and life was totally different but we learned to adapt. You never know what life is going to throw your way.

Wish your family the best.
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Old 03-29-2009, 10:49 AM
Location: Central Texas
20,385 posts, read 37,689,162 times
Reputation: 22518
That is a tough one. First thing, of course, is to get your wife some help, no matter where you are. (And if she was depressed before the move, then it's clearly not the place.) I'd recommend that she talk to her doctor (assuming she feels comfortable with him - if not, she needs a new doctor who she is comfortable with) and get a referral to someone who deals in depression, before doing anything else. Then take it from there.
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Old 03-29-2009, 09:41 PM
Location: Upstate NY native, now living in Houston
663 posts, read 2,033,747 times
Reputation: 201
ah, I know what you are going through. I moved from NY to Texas a year ago. At that time, I wanted to get back to NY as fast as I could. I couldn't stand it here. But ... give it time. Your house WILL become your home and everyone in the family will re-adjust to life here. Your wife sounds very supportive. That alone may get you all through this. It DOES get better. I promise.
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Old 03-29-2009, 09:46 PM
146 posts, read 348,743 times
Reputation: 49
I also moved to Dallas from Florida. (I'd rather live in Houston than Ohio I think, although I never been to Ohio so cant comment 100%

MISERABLE! I cant stand it here and I cry every night just thinking about why did I do it! Why did I come back here with my family a 2nd time! All we do is fight and argue every day and I cant wait to get the hell away from them.

Texas has taken alot away from me emotionally. The only time I enjoy it is when Im drunk off my ass
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Old 03-29-2009, 10:17 PM
Location: Central Texas
20,385 posts, read 37,689,162 times
Reputation: 22518
HotWire, it sounds like you have a lot more problems than just location.
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Old 03-29-2009, 10:45 PM
146 posts, read 348,743 times
Reputation: 49
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
HotWire, it sounds like you have a lot more problems than just location.
Obviously....the location is the alcohol on the wound
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Old 03-31-2009, 06:29 AM
Location: mid wyoming
2,008 posts, read 6,025,672 times
Reputation: 1878
Check out what is available back home and move back. I did it many times.
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Old 03-31-2009, 06:52 PM
310 posts, read 772,674 times
Reputation: 150
Honestly your kids will probably do better than you in the long run, but isn't that most important? 9 months is not long enough to adjust--it took me a good year and a half before hitting my stride again when we had to move during my husband's 2nd layoff from Virginia to Florida. What made a change for me was finding a good church and then meeting people there who had also gone through big changes, didn't have family nearby anymore, etc. Your move is really what you make of it.

Since my husband has been laid off again we are looking at another big move, this time from FL to Ontario (the offer just came through today). We know it will be temporary (2-3 years) but since we've survived it before we'll do it again. Just try to treat it as an adventure. Even our teens are excited and we know it's because we try to stay positive for THEM.
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