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Old 03-25-2009, 09:04 PM
 
Location: TX
87 posts, read 255,776 times
Reputation: 52

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I took a job promotion and moved from Ohio to Houston. I have a loving wife and two kids 6 and 4. I knew relocating would be difficult as friends and family are all back in Ohio. I won't rehash the problems with leaving everything we know - it's been covered in this forum and my situation is the same. I regret taking that part of my children's life away from them. Houston is fine, but it isn't a fit for my family.

I want to quit my job and move back to Ohio. The reason is I have to travel overnight about 2-3 nights a week. It is very difficult on my wife who is a type 1 diabetic. She has very low energy and the night alone are taking a toll on her health. I can see it. I knew the travel was involved when I took the promotion, but now that I am doing it it's a lot harder that I thought. Plus, leaving them alone in a new place makes me feel horrible when I'm out to dinner with clients staying in nice hotels.

My wife wants to stick it out, but I know we made a mistake moving and taking on this new job position. I find it easy to say we made a mistake and let's fix it. She is very kind to me and I know she would rather be back home in Ohio. She tells me we should have thought of these things before we moved and we are here now.

Honestly I didn't realize how much of an impact leaving family, having the kids miss weddings, birthdays, Easter, etc. I knew we would miss these things when we decided to move, but now that it is a reality it is different. Does that make sense? I knew it but maybe I downplayed it to justify the move.

We have a nice big house, nice income, but we're in the fastlane now. I don't like it. I like being home with my family at night and living an easy life in a modest home, and having time to play with the kids in the park. We had the good life and I chose to leave it behind. Why?

I don't know how to take the first step and move back to Ohio and get a new job. I would be OK making less money, but the job market is tough now even for any occupation. I wish I didn't take this promotion.

I left a life with a small house payment, plenty of family time, and a happy wife and kids. We now have a big house but not a home. I have a successful career but don't care. The career does not define me. Family parties in Ohio, holidays, weddings, and just raking the leaves in the backyard defines me. We had everything set up perfectly and left it behind for a job promotion.

How do I reverse this? Is there a way? I'm thinking of searching Monster.com and taking my chances. I hate to give up my four weeks of vacation and years of service with this company and start over, but I would just to get back to a simple life.

Any advice? Thanks!
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Old 03-25-2009, 09:31 PM
 
Location: In God's Hands
81 posts, read 173,843 times
Reputation: 87
Quote:
How do I reverse this? Is there a way? I'm thinking of searching Monster.com and taking my chances. I hate to give up my four weeks of vacation and years of service with this company and start over, but I would just to get back to a simple life.
I have great empathy for you and your family. It sounds like you are a wonderful father/husband who takes seriously the job of provider for your family. This move was what you thought would be for the benefit of them. My husband was laid off at his job of over 12 years. He had always been assured he'd be the last one to go, but in the end they let him go early on as he made more money than the other employees. I've seen him struggle with how to provide for me, and our two children. He has had to make a difficult decision as well and accept a new job that has him gone from us 4 days a week. We're still in the same town, but it's horrible having him away!

Anyway, is there a possibility of contacting your supervisor or someone at your company and honestly expressing yourself and your feelings? I don't know what kind of a place it is and if they would work with you on that, but if you said that you'd made a mistake and would really like to be transferred back to Ohio when possible, then you could stay with the same company. It's so hard to find jobs anywhere in this country, and the competition is tough.

I wish you the best and please keep us updated on the forum on how it turns out.

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Old 03-25-2009, 09:53 PM
 
370 posts, read 913,328 times
Reputation: 664
I agree with the previous poster. Obviously if you got promoted you are a very good employee. You sound like an awesome husband and father as well. Talk to your supervisors and see about transferring back to your old position and if not maybe there would be a similar position closer to home than Houston. Good Luck.
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Old 03-26-2009, 12:28 AM
 
Location: TX
87 posts, read 255,776 times
Reputation: 52
Thanks for the replies. I do work for a good company, but knowing how they operate the only option would be to wait for another promotion and hope it would be closer to Ohio. This would not happen for about seven to ten years from now.

They did invest quite a bit (around $40,000) total with the relocation package. Paying closing costs, moving expenses, realtor fees and such. They would not be too excited about helping me move back. I can't blame them either, it's quite an expense for any company to relocate an employee.

I feel my options are to just either suck it up and try to make the most of Texas and the new lifestyle, or to just admit a mistake move back , and start over.

I feel that if we moved back, in 10 years we'd have a beer one night and say "What a mess, we struggled for awhile, but we made the right choice." We'd have a lesson to teach our kids! If we stay in Texas, in 10 years we'd miss a lot. Our parents and the kids grandparents would probably be gone from this Earth and 10 years of family social activities would not be in the kids memories. We would have adjusted I'm sure, but it's an adjustment I would rather not trade for the other things we would miss out on. My kids would not have traditions to pass on to their kids. They would have different traditions based mostly on immediate family memories only.

We do plan on going to Ohio two times per year (summer and Christmas). Which leaves not being able to ever celebrate Christmas in our own home. Again, I knew all of this going into the move, but the excitement and adventure of the whole process overshadowed everything.
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:58 AM
 
Location: Amelia View
4,211 posts, read 12,554,404 times
Reputation: 3737
Totally understand what you're feeling! You didn't mention how long you've been in Texas? It doesn't really matter - even though some people don't give a new place enough time to acclimate, there are others who do know from the first minute that it's not a good fit.

There are two good points however: firstly, you won't be sitting down with a beer in ten years saying "wonder what it would have been like if we had taken that job in Texas?" -- because you know; secondly, you, your wife, and your kids are experiencing life in a different place, in a different culture - something most people don't get the chance to do - and the experience will make all of you better people, especially your kids. When they're older and studying Texas history or are reading the news about immigration issues in the southwest, they'll have a good understanding because they've lived there.

If I was in your shoes, I'd probably start Resume Central. However, although the focus would be on the future of getting back to Ohio, I wouldn't dismiss the present and would somehow find enjoyment of being where you are. If it's possible, try not to dwell on the negatives - yes, they exist and they are what they are, but perhaps you can look at the bright side of things to get you through it all. Contact with family in Ohio is obviously very important to you. Maybe you could close that gap on the miles between you by getting webcams on both ends and doing video calls on a weekly basis or something. I'll bet your kids love crayons and markers, so perhaps they could draw pictures of things they do in Texas and mail them up to family and friends in Ohio. Just some thoughts.
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Old 03-26-2009, 06:29 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,820 posts, read 18,775,199 times
Reputation: 24482
I say just admit the mistake and move back those family things are something you cannot get back . Right now we are going to have to move back to florida because we made a transitional move north and boy do we regret it . it is rainy and cold and nasty . snow and ice is not an option any more I hate it . too cold to do anything outside some days . and going to work is a night mare , I am now in the process of selling everything i own practically cause i will need it to move into my cousins house . Yes we are going to have to move back to florida and in with family till we can get on our feet again . I hate being an impossition to family but there are there when you need them and that is more than I can say for most . So please just make the admission that you made a mistake and move back those are things you cannot get back . Yes I will agree I am the person who knew the minute I moved here it was not a good fit .

Last edited by phonelady61; 03-26-2009 at 06:30 AM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 03-26-2009, 07:01 AM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,413 posts, read 37,792,946 times
Reputation: 22550
You don't say how long you've been here. If it's been 3 to 6 months, give yourself time to acclimate - and that means embracing where you are as much as possible for what it is, not bemoaning what it isn't. If it's been longer than that, then start looking at your options with an objective eye as to what's best for your family, and don't, please don't, discount what your wife says because you think you know better, okay? She has to have her reasons for saying what she does, beyond kindness (because you make it quite clear that the "kind" thing to say would be, "Yep, let's move right back because you want to"). Heck, she may enjoy the very time alone in a new place that you're feeling bad for abandoning them to.

It may be that moving back is the right thing for your entire family. It may also be that you're feeling homesick, or that you don't like the travel, and are blaming that on the place,in which case you need to find that out before making ANY move.

I wish you the best, whatever decision you ultimately make. And, yes, happiness is WAY more important than money; just make sure that you're running towards something, not away from something.
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Old 03-26-2009, 10:04 AM
 
8,648 posts, read 15,292,423 times
Reputation: 4570
I understand you are homesick, but in time it will get better. The kids will adjust being that they are so young.. But welcome to Texas and I hope you get to feeling better about being here.
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Old 03-26-2009, 11:57 AM
 
Location: TX
87 posts, read 255,776 times
Reputation: 52
Thanks again for all of the comments. The people on this forum are so generous with their time and advice!

We have been here about 9 months. I know the kids will adjust and so will we, but I'm not sure if I want that adjustment. Does that mean they will learn not to be so close to their extended family and get used to it? They will, but is that the best thing for them?
I know they will grow to be great kids, but it's about what I can give them along the way. In my opinion extended family is too important my famiy's way of life. I don't want them to adjust to not having them around. I know they can and will adjust, but again I don't know if I want them to make that adjustment.

Taking a lower paying job would be a certainty if we moved back and that doesn't bother me. Selling the house does bother me and I couldn't have picked a worse time in our economy to be going though this!
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Old 03-26-2009, 11:59 AM
 
Location: TX
87 posts, read 255,776 times
Reputation: 52
Also, If I start posting me resume I'm worried my employer might see it. Do they have services that keep some information private?
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