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Old 04-02-2009, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Greater Los Angeles area (unfortunately)
177 posts, read 656,324 times
Reputation: 173

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Hello all,

This doesn't seem to be a very common issue, so I'm looking for any advice.

Basically, my wife and I both hate our current location, so we are looking to relocate as soon as possible (which will be in about 2 years, since we both have degrees to finish up).

While we are currently living in the area where we both grew up, we did spend a year living in San Francisco. My wife loves that city and is completely attached to it. However, that city reminds me of all the failures I went through living there (I had a terrible time finding any type of gainful employment). Additionally, I do not like the pretentious attitude of the people, the overcrowding, and the overpriced real estate.

As for me, I love Seattle! We just vacationed there and I absolutely fell in love with the city. To me, it's everything that is great about San Francisco, with a little more space and better local attitudes.

So now we seem to have hit a wall. Liz (my wife) loves San Francisco and liked Seattle; I love Seattle and do not really like San Francisco anymore.

The cost of Seattle is much cheaper than San Francisco, obviously. We could easily buy a home within a few years, whereas in San Francisco, that's pretty unrealistic. I also have slightly more job options in Seattle (I work in the videogame industry, although I will be able to teach after completing my Master's program). My wife would have decent options in either city (she is an environmental geography major, and both cities are very eco-friendly).

So how do we compromise on this? Do we make a pros and cons list for both? I feel that Seattle would far surpass San Francisco, but I don't want to take her away from a city that she LOVES, you know?

Do we look for a third city that neither of us will really like? We are both very picky about where we want to live, and I honestly can't think of any places similar to Seattle and San Francisco. Furthermore, we are both fairly close with our families, so we'd prefer to stay at least on the West coast if at all possible.

We are a very solid couple and are not going to divorce over this issue by any means, we just need to figure out the best way to decide where to live...

PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN!!!
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Old 04-02-2009, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,975 posts, read 17,591,018 times
Reputation: 5009
I think you need to make a list of why each one of you loves the city you love (SF/Seattle) besides the job opportunities (or lack thereof). Maybe from this list, you could compromise on another city. Some of the things that could be on this list is weather, culture, commute, housing affordability, diversity (if that's important), etc.
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Old 04-02-2009, 10:28 AM
 
2,786 posts, read 9,110,598 times
Reputation: 1611
I say live in Seattle since you BOTH at least like it, if not love it and just promise to take her to San Fran on your anniversary every year or something!!
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Old 04-02-2009, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
538 posts, read 1,659,932 times
Reputation: 354
Why not try to find a city equidistant from both cities? Maybe Portland? Just a thought.
At least you are somewhat on the same page as far as weather, culture, etc. The expense of San Fran would make a huge difference for me. I am not sure if you have children, or plan to, but that might be a consideration as well. Seattle is probably a little more family friendly and less expensive both in the city and the suburbs. You need to think of the future as well as the present when making such a big decision. Good luck!
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Old 04-02-2009, 02:17 PM
 
10,630 posts, read 23,415,082 times
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For many people jobs are going to play a role in where you go, too. You might have to go where the job is. How about continue to look at other cities, just in case you find one that you both love, then when the time comes start applying for jobs and see what comes through first? I would think it would be extremely difficult to get an apartment (or know what you could even afford) without having at least one job lined up before making the move.

I agree that if you're thinking of having kids you'll want to factor that in, too. San Francisco is a fabulous place to have kids - IF you can afford it.

If you do end up in San Francisco, maybe it would help if you choose a different neighborhood than where you lived before. Maybe that would be enough of a fresh start to start wiping out some of your negative memories.

I know you prefer the west coast, but if you decide to look elsewhere you should consider Minneapolis - it's relatively affordable, very "green", and seems to appeal to the same crowd that likes SF and Seattle. There's not the water/ferries, of course, although there are some fabulous urban lakes as well as the Mississippi River.
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Old 04-02-2009, 04:37 PM
 
Location: At home.
12,237 posts, read 1,698,982 times
Reputation: 3002
Also figure in taxes (state, sales, property). California as a state has a lot of financial problems...not sure how that would affect living/working conditions. I had a friend who couldn't stand the rainy weather in Seattle...it is very depressing for some people...kinda like how SAD affects people in winter. Is your wife OK with the weather? One thing you might want to do is check real estate sites. It is amazing what people will pay in California for a small 2 bed/1bath cottage...it may be really eye-opening. Best of luck to you.
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Old 04-02-2009, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Greater Los Angeles area (unfortunately)
177 posts, read 656,324 times
Reputation: 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by graytabbie View Post
Also figure in taxes (state, sales, property). California as a state has a lot of financial problems...not sure how that would affect living/working conditions. I had a friend who couldn't stand the rainy weather in Seattle...it is very depressing for some people...kinda like how SAD affects people in winter. Is your wife OK with the weather? One thing you might want to do is check real estate sites. It is amazing what people will pay in California for a small 2 bed/1bath cottage...it may be really eye-opening. Best of luck to you.
Graytabbie, we live in the southern area of California right now and grew up here, so we are used to dealing with all the crazy taxes and overpriced housing.

It is quite important to me to get a home fairly quickly, and it's much more realistic to find a nice home in Seattle (or its surrounding suburbs) for $300K vs. the San Francisco area, where I'm sure it would be next to impossible to find a home for that price.

I don't think that it's the weather that bothers the wife about Seattle; she just feels like she belongs in the Bay. This is why I'm so confused on what to do...
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Old 04-02-2009, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
700 posts, read 2,333,751 times
Reputation: 398
Split the difference ...Portland,OR!

Tough call on both, I love and have lived in both cities. When/if I return to the US from Tokyo, those are the first two cities I would consider
5
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Old 04-02-2009, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Cosmic Consciousness
3,871 posts, read 15,512,042 times
Reputation: 2638
Obviously you two need to choose a third place about which you agree. If you don't, you'll spend the energies of your lives fruitlessly going around in circles.

I like the previous poster's idea, Portland. Great town. And it would give you both a chance to expand your beings. Nice idea. I'm a Seattleite and I love Portland.

Negotiation is everything. Choose a third option.
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Old 04-02-2009, 10:29 PM
 
4,948 posts, read 16,522,813 times
Reputation: 2866
Quote:
Originally Posted by oc2nyc View Post
Why not try to find a city equidistant from both cities? Maybe Portland? Just a thought.
At least you are somewhat on the same page as far as weather, culture, etc. The expense of San Fran would make a huge difference for me. I am not sure if you have children, or plan to, but that might be a consideration as well. Seattle is probably a little more family friendly and less expensive both in the city and the suburbs. You need to think of the future as well as the present when making such a big decision. Good luck!
I would vote also for Portland, if you both get jobs there. San Fran is real costly, Seattle, maybe!
focus on the now not the what if! Frankly, if you have kids and are working you will be real busy! Whatever place, is not forever! maybe utah
has some great places to see! There is always a phone to talk, and visits. Unless you are rich, you need to focus on what you can afford! Parents will always visit you, and may enjoy this! Ok you will both have good jobs, so travel a way out to see utah. I really cannot see paying the mega
frisco prices? However, if that is your dream, and you want that? I fell in love with the city also, but, a dream it was! I had an uncle who did live outside the city in Crockett? and he would go into the city for work. He did say the traffic over the bridge was brutal, and stressfull. So do consider that.

Last edited by maggiekate; 04-02-2009 at 10:49 PM..
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