Move during kids high school years? (job transfer, relocation, moving truck, job)

[KMC4]

Hi,

My family is originally from Pittsburgh but we relocated to San Diego almost 7 years ago for a change in scenery. We have 4 kids...1 in high school, 1 in middle school, 1 in elementary school and a baby.

While we love San Diego, the cost of living is becoming more and more unbearable as time goes on. We don't have any family in San Diego so it gets hard not seeing family very often. We've been considering moving back to Pittsburgh to be near family and for the affordability factor. The problem is I'm debating on if we should go or not because of the ages of our 2 older kids and the fact that I really don't want to take my oldest child out of high school.

Is it wrong to move while kids are in the middle of their high school years or is it best to just do what needs to be done? I've been struggling with this question for a while now.

[RikkiTikki]

Check with your kid's counselor for their input, but most school administrators, HR personnel and mobility professionals involved in family relocations now recommend moving in the middle of the year. This allows kids to integrate into the new surroundings and make friends quicker thus making the transition less stressful. You'll find a good article from SHERM here. http://tinyurl.com/djwa3z

[oc2nyc]

I struggle with this too as my husband and I would love to move east to be near family in 2010. Right now I have one in college, one that will graduate next year, one in 9th and a 5th grader. We would wait until my one daughter graduates, and I don't worry about my 5th grader, but I struggle over moving my freshman. I have talked to many adult friends who moved during high school and I have received differing opinions. I think it really depends on the circumstances and the kid. If your family stays in tact (not divorce or death), and it is for the better (closer to family, better financially) I think kids adjust. Moving in the middle if the year is good advice as most kids get lost in the shuffle when school starts in Sept. It wouldn't be the end of the world though it that's what happens. I try to remind myself that one of my oldest daughter's best friends came to her school as a Junior and did fine. Like I said every child is different. Make it a family adventure and point out all the good things about the move and make sure to get them involved and you should be fine. That's my plan...

[MidwesternBookWorm]

It can be done, and done successfully, but it isn't easy for anyone involved. We uprooted our two teenagers for a cross-country move when our daughter was between 10th and 11th grades and our son was between 8th and 9th, and it took some doing.

Our son assimilated pretty easily and successfully, and actually took the opportunity to sort of remake his personality. He had gotten into fights a lot in his former school, mainly because all his friends expected it and he felt like he had to live up to their expectations, but in a totally new school where nobody knew him, he didn't feel the need to continue in that path.

Our daughter, on the other hand, really, really struggled with the change. It didn't help that she has both ADD and social anxiety disorders, of course, but it really took her several years to get into the groove of our new city and decide that it was an ok place to live. She's almost 26 now, loves living here, and completely agrees that the move was the very best thing to happen - but it has taken her a while to reach that point.

The things that I think are key in a move like that certainly include communication. Get your kids involved in the planning and decision making, as much as is practicable, of course. Go on line to check out the new school district, and when you go for an interviewing or house-hunting trip, schedule a tour of the school or schools that your kids will attend. About three months before we made our big move, we were up here interviewing, and our kids and I spent about three hours at the high school, talking with counselors, principal, teachers, students, taking a tour, and getting used to the place, and that made a huge, huge difference.

When you enroll the kids in school, find out if there is a school psychiatrist on staff, and spend some time talking with him or her. Check into all the extracurricular activities that are available, and as much as you can, help your kids make connections there.

And most of all, even though they're in high school and would probably like you to just disappear, play an active and visible role as a parent. Go to "Meet the Teacher" night, go to parent-teacher conferences, volunteer for PTA or the band boosters group, work the concession stand at football games. Get to know the kids your kids are hanging out with, and be visible to the teachers and administrators.

No, it won't be easy, particularly since the parents are going through the same kind of upheaval and transplantation issues that the kids are, and it likely won't be fast. But it can be done.

Good luck to you.

[Omaha Rocks]

Originally Posted by KMC4

Hi,

My family is originally from Pittsburgh but we relocated to San Diego almost 7 years ago for a change in scenery. We have 4 kids...1 in high school, 1 in middle school, 1 in elementary school and a baby.

While we love San Diego, the cost of living is becoming more and more unbearable as time goes on. We don't have any family in San Diego so it gets hard not seeing family very often. We've been considering moving back to Pittsburgh to be near family and for the affordability factor. The problem is I'm debating on if we should go or not because of the ages of our 2 older kids and the fact that I really don't want to take my oldest child out of high school.

Is it wrong to move while kids are in the middle of their high school years or is it best to just do what needs to be done? I've been struggling with this question for a while now.

This is something you REALLY have to discuss openly and honestly with your kids!


When we were in that position, we had 2 sons in high school, and a daughter starting junior high. I did stay at a horribly sucky job, in order to let our sons graduate from the high school in the town they had lived all their lives. We then moved before our daughter started 9th grade. But we moved to a fairly good sized city, where all the students at my daughter's high school were, in a way, "new" students.

It has worked out well for our family.

[dogmom]

I am kind of a dinosaur on here, lol..but here is my opinion. No. My parents uprooted me between 10th and 11th grades..I never got comfortable or made 'good' friends that last 2 years in high school. Not that I didn't try, but by then everyone it seemed all knew each other from junior high at least. Very hard, very cliquie. Now maybe it was just my school. And was in the late 60's. It was enough of an experience that to this day I want to ask my parents 'why did you move me'. My brother and sister were younger, but it was tough. I graduated high school and never looked back. I went to my 20 year reunion for kicks, did not really know anyone and worse yet, not one person remembered ME. Sad.

It made enough of an impression that when I married and became a mom, my husband and I stuck it out in what turned out in later years to be a not the best neighborhood as not to move our 2 sons.

Just my opinion, if you don' have to move, well I would think about it..And probably most important, ASK your teenager how they feel. They may want the change, who knows. I just know it did not work in my case..

[shadowwalker]

Growing up my dad move us so many times. He was in construction,farming,tv repair and many more businesses. I can remember once coming home from school and seeing mom and dad with friends moving our stuff into a moving truck. We didn't even know we were leaving when we went to school that morning!!!
I remember several times not being allowed to open all our toys in boxes or clothes, because we weren't going to be there long enough to unpack.

[ranger17]

It's tough on kids. I was moved around so many times, i was never in the same school for more then one year ( at times one semester ) until grade 10. And it was not due to being an Army brat, rather may reasons beyond a kid's control. It was very tough. Did I end up ok? Sure. But being that transient in my life, meant that my wife and I stayed in the same school district the complete time our daughter was in school. Once she graduated, then we started to consider the relocation ( which we just made ).
If the kids are on board, then it's fine. And if it's a relocation that must be made ( ie job transfer, family illness, etc ) then the move has to be made and the kids will have to work thru it and accept it. If the move can be put off, then i'd do so.
Just my .02

[stacylee926]

While it is harder on the high schooler, it is not impossible. Plus, if you waited for the oldest to get out, then another may be right behind. Financially, you have to do what is best for the family. The family stress level can impact the children just as much (if not more) if money becomes a major issue.

One compromise - what if you moved back to the general area that you lived in before? Your highschooler may find kids he remembers from elementary so it would not be as stressful. This happened to our daughter, even though we moved to a neighboring city. This was in middle school, and when we moved back to our original city, the middle school kids fed into the high school so she knew many kids.

[MuscogeeButterfly]

Originally Posted by KMC4

Hi,

My family is originally from Pittsburgh but we relocated to San Diego almost 7 years ago for a change in scenery. We have 4 kids...1 in high school, 1 in middle school, 1 in elementary school and a baby.

While we love San Diego, the cost of living is becoming more and more unbearable as time goes on. We don't have any family in San Diego so it gets hard not seeing family very often. We've been considering moving back to Pittsburgh to be near family and for the affordability factor. The problem is I'm debating on if we should go or not because of the ages of our 2 older kids and the fact that I really don't want to take my oldest child out of high school.

Is it wrong to move while kids are in the middle of their high school years or is it best to just do what needs to be done? I've been struggling with this question for a while now.

How do the two oldest feel about this move? The thing is, the two oldest, have made friends, and established relationships, and may feel comfortable at their current schools. To uproot them now, may present problems later. I'd see how they felt and go from there.