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Old 04-05-2007, 08:37 AM
 
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,786,336 times
Reputation: 2262

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We moved to SWFL 3 years ago to get away from a bad situation, and this location at the time worked best for us (easy job transfers). We've only been renting as not sure what we want. The move was a spontaneous decision...with no looking really for the future, just the present state.

Well, we've been realizing now that unless we really pull tooth and nail, for the rest of our lives or at least for the present future, we cannot afford to buy a house where we're at. Not even close to where we're at.

I want to move within a year or two. It doesn't matter where; I am flexible as in location, but I want it to be a place where we can afford to live, without ANY worries about finances. Where we will have plenty of savings and be able to do whatever we want each year, because we're not living above our means.

I am realizing that it most likely will be out of the state of FL...or at least the VERY nothern part. I have been hinting about it...and he knows. We have lightly talked about it, making the pact that we will have the full out discussion in July of this summer.

My points:
*I didn't bust my a$$ in college and make that debt to worry about money
*We both have secure enough jobs that we shouldn't have to ever worry about affording anything.
*The children need their father and I need my husband. My husband works about 60 hours a week because we can't afford where we're at without him working overtime. This means that everything falls on me: homework, dinner, cleaning, ALL responsibilities (bills, appointments, activities)...plus I work full time too. We have a strain on our relationship due to not seeing him that much, and me resenting that I have too much on my shoulders and with his work schedule, he really can't alleviate it. If we move to a place within our affordability...he won't ever have to work overtime!
*Why should we have to buy a house that is the size of my bathroom, for over 200K, when I know we can get a house double the size we have here...for well under 200K.


All he has ever mentioned is that he doesn't want to uproot his job. He just switched to this job 3 years ago, and he doesn't want to make a switch again. Well, I just did that same switch 3 years ago too...and very happy in my job, and don't want to make the switch either...but I think that for our security of the future, I have to, and I am willing to do it.

I pretty much know that I am going to be told there is no right or wrong in this situation. I am afraid that when we sit down to talk, we won't come to an aggreeance over this important life decision...and I worry that this could result in neither of us being happy, or only one of us getting what they want which will result in one being unhappy and miserable...and then the final outcome will be divorce.

I want to avoid a divorce. I want to come to at least a compromise...but I can't figure one out. We want to be homeowners and stop wasting $1400 a month on rent(to me it is ridulous!)...but in order to own a home here, our mortgage price will be close to $2,000, which I think is unbelievable...not even including utilities or anything!

Any advice here?
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Old 04-05-2007, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,368,418 times
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Hey, I feel you it is hard to be a middle income family in S. Florida. You have been very detailed as to why you find it necessary to move and they are ALL strong points. Have you been this detailed with him??? I mean without arguing?
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Old 04-05-2007, 09:03 AM
 
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,786,336 times
Reputation: 2262
Yes I have. I have even listed my points down so that I wouldn't have to verbalize it (to avoid argueing). I have even listed pros and cons of the different scenerios-staying and going. I am very thorough. We haven't sat and have the full blown discussion; he more or less waves it away and says we'll wait for July, but whenever anything gets mentioned, he'll make comments like:...it obviously is going to be wherever you want; I have no say; I don't want to leave my job; it doesn't matter as it won't be my decision....

I think he is saying those things about not his choice because he kinda knows I am right...but doesn't want it to be right. Kinda like you knwo you shouldn't eat that piece of candy, know all the reasons why you shouldn't...but you still do.

I am not looking forward to our big discussion in the summer, but I was wondering if someone had any advice for me to bring up when we do have the discussion.
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Old 04-05-2007, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,814 posts, read 12,073,493 times
Reputation: 2000001303
What kind of work is he doing mrshvo? Would he be able to find a suitable comparable job elsewhere? What about you? What are you looking for work-wise?
I don't think buying a house is logical right now in southern Florida. Not only are the prices outrageous, but imagine what the property taxes would be along with hurricane insurance? It would eat up any savings for sure.
I recommend that you both look in Texas for several reasons. I'm not the greatest Texas fan, but there are some wonderful aspects about it that make living there a good choice for a couple with your goals and in your stages of career.
Texas has no income tax, like Florida. It also has very inexpensive housing in many areas....Or to be more accurate, affordable housing in many areas. I'd look outside of Dallas/Ft. Worth where the job market is varied and extensive. Property taxes can be high, but that may be part of the balance in weighing all the other advantages.
Plus, Texas is beautiful and a great place to raise kids. Just a thought...!
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Old 04-05-2007, 09:46 AM
 
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,786,336 times
Reputation: 2262
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoMark View Post
What kind of work is he doing mrshvo? Would he be able to find a suitable comparable job elsewhere? What about you? What are you looking for work-wise?
I don't think buying a house is logical right now in southern Florida. Not only are the prices outrageous, but imagine what the property taxes would be along with hurricane insurance? It would eat up any savings for sure.
I recommend that you both look in Texas for several reasons. I'm not the greatest Texas fan, but there are some wonderful aspects about it that make living there a good choice for a couple with your goals and in your stages of career.
Texas has no income tax, like Florida. It also has very inexpensive housing in many areas....Or to be more accurate, affordable housing in many areas. I'd look outside of Dallas/Ft. Worth where the job market is varied and extensive. Property taxes can be high, but that may be part of the balance in weighing all the other advantages.
Plus, Texas is beautiful and a great place to raise kids. Just a thought...!
He is a mailman, so his job is easily transferable. I am a teacher, have reprocity in many states, so I should be good too.

He absolutely doesn't want to live in a state that gets a plethora inches of snow, has conditions below zero; we came from Philadelphia and the winters are awful. I made him sit and look at states, because wherever we move to, we need to do research on and not do it blindly.

"We" are considering: Georgia, northern FL, Texas, Tennessee because supposodly it is mild, and possibly SC. He won't look higher than TN. I could move to almost any of the 50 states, but am willing to only consider these 5 out of the 50, for him. The winters don't bother me.

I have done a lot of research into Eastern TN, and light research in the others areas.

I don't think it matters about any of the areas. He just does not want to uproot again, and I am fearful that he is going to "bow down" to me....and at the same time, I am fearful he is going to put his foot down and say that he wants to stay where we're at and we'll make do.

I don't want to make do. I know that sounds selfish, whenever I add in "I", but I don't want to have to worry about when my oldest needs braces, or when my husband needs a new car because his is older and nearing 100K miles, and we're already tight on money with just the neccessary bills and expenses...or now we can never travel and see our families because now we don't have savings because we're living above our means..
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Old 04-05-2007, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,292 posts, read 14,834,007 times
Reputation: 6981
It seems like you're looking at the overall situation with a plan in mind for the long-term future and some people are more analytical than others. I wouldn't base that plan, however, on never having to work OT again, never having to worry about money again, etc., because you really never know what's down the pike years from now.

What's so great about working 60 hrs/wk and wanting to do that at the expense of the relationship and other stress it brings? Maybe there's another reason behind that? I don't know, just trying to figure out why your husband would be so adamant about not leaving a what sounds like a less than ideal family and financial situation.

You're both young correct? That's the time to take risks, especially if the current picture is fading. Do you both have "transportable" professional backgrounds? Is he just plain adverse to change and starting over?

I'm in a little bit of a similar situation except I'm looking at preparing for retirement even if it's still a few years from now. I don't want to be paying mortgage when I'm 80 y.o. but my other, younger, half wants to hear no part of it. I'm in a very different predicament than you, however, because the house is mine, we do not have children together, much less young ones, and I started planning my financial stability 25 years ago. Like I said at the beginning though, anything can happen in the blink of an eye so do tread carefully.
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Old 04-05-2007, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,814 posts, read 12,073,493 times
Reputation: 2000001303
I don't know much about the job market in Eastern Tennessee, and it is a beautiful state, but I think Texas would be warmer and the opportunities for you greater with higher pay.
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Old 04-05-2007, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Finally escaped from Philly ;-}
1,182 posts, read 1,322,634 times
Reputation: 279
OMG! Are you sure you're not married to my hubby?! I want out of Philly so bad. The crime is outrageous & I want to leave before one of us gets killed. And the answer I get is that it's like this all over. The cost of living in a halfway-respectable neighborhood is unreal & now he's losing his job. There are no decent-paying jobs in the city. And he's talking about getting 2 low-paying jobs just to survive. I want to move to Kentucky. I should have a better shot of getting a horse-related job there. My hubby's had warehouse, textile, & manufacturing jobs so he's got skills & experience. But talking to him is like hitting my head against a wall. The times he agrees with me that it's time to go, he dumps all the responsibility of finding jobs & a home up to me. Then he changes his mind just as quickly. It's like having the rug pulled out from under you. I've already put my foot down about not having children while we're living in Philly. We're surrounded by drugdealers & the public schools are bad with alot of violence. I don't want to have children only to have them taken away from me before they reach 18. But if he wants children, he better really think about moving elsewhere; my clock is ticking LOUDLY.
I read that you're thinking about E. Tenn. My sister has a friend that moved to Rogersville from Delaware County with her husband & daughters. They love it there & said it was the best move they ever made. My sister visits during the summer with her 4 sons & they don't want to go home. My sister has the same problem with her hubby; she can't get him to see how much better they could afford to live if they moved South. And jobs shouldn't be too hard to come by b/c he's a carpenter & she's a flower designer. Right now their sons are in the Chester/Upland school district. They have to scrape together tuition to send the oldest to Catholic high school so he isn't in Chester High. They're really going to be hurting when the others are ready for high school.
Sorry for the novel but I can REALLY relate to what you're going through .
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Old 04-05-2007, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,047 posts, read 21,650,017 times
Reputation: 5052
I think you need to make absolutely sure you do not bring up the subject in any way, shape, or form, to your husband or in front of your husband, until July. He might need some time to just think about it, and when you bring it up, he may feel "henpecked" and it will turn him completely against the idea.
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Old 04-05-2007, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Falling Waters, WV
1,502 posts, read 6,749,312 times
Reputation: 786
Since you say that you don't want this to happen for a year or two, so it is not a big rush decision on your husband. I think when you sit down with him explain to him your concerns like you did here and state that both of you can pick a couple of areas of interest and do all the research that you can on those particular areas. I bet that when this is done and you look at home prices, schools and what the area offers that he may get more excited about the possibilities.

My hubby has been wanting out of Maryland, along with myself but I didn't want to leave because of my family being here but it got to the point that we were tired of trying to keep ahead. We are in the process of moving to Wv, my hubby is already working there and we are trying to sell our home.
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