How long is a reasonable amount of time to give it till you leave a place? (relocate, jobs)

[GypsySoul22]

We relocated to our area in Sept. 07. My husband got a job within a few weeks, a night job. The idea was he'd work nights, I'd work days, and one of us would be home for child care needs.

Well, after almost 2 years, I have found it impossible to find a job. The recession has kicked the heck out of an area not ripe with jobs anyhow. The next state over is only 10 minutes by car but even they are having recession freezes in what once was an area with more prospects (thanks to the Ivy League college and hospitals).

I am so frustrated. Some things are going okay here, but with only one person working in our family the stress on me is horrific and doubly so on my husband who is the only wage earner. The only job I have had was a temp job.

So, when do you call it quits? The problem is I don't like to yank my son out of another school.

Has anyone else had this trouble? I think if I had a job I could bear all the negatives...but now I am just depressed all the time. This is no way to live a life but if we did move, I have no idea where to go...

I feel like my life is passing me by and I am so confused. Please let me add I volunteer AND my husband and also started a special need support group, so we are 'trying.'

[phonelady61]

I usually give it six months before we make plans to leave someplace . I am just the opposite of you I am the one working and the hubby cant find a job never thought that we would be out of full time work this long . It is hard and the stress is killing us and we have to force ourselves to eat . I dont know how much longer I can hang on if he does not get something soon and I am seeing a divorce in our future to make it easier on both of us . Neither one of us having to worry about the other from the divorce point in case anyone was wondering .

[GypsySoul22]

Originally Posted by phonelady61

I usually give it six months before we make plans to leave someplace . I am just the opposite of you I am the one working and the hubby cant find a job never thought that we would be out of full time work this long . It is hard and the stress is killing us and we have to force ourselves to eat . I dont know how much longer I can hang on if he does not get something soon and I am seeing a divorce in our future to make it easier on both of us . Neither one of us having to worry about the other from the divorce point in case anyone was wondering .

I'm so sorry to hear it. Don't give up on your relationship because of 'a job' or lack of one. I am sure your husband is miserable being unemployed and you are bearing the brunt of it. Hang in there.

[DubbleT]

Originally Posted by GypsySoul22

I think if I had a job I could bear all the negatives...but now I am just depressed all the time. This is no way to live a life but if we did move, I have no idea where to go...

If you are wanting out of the area mainly because of the job situation I'm not sure moving is the answer. Unless you go to an area where you already have jobs lined up, or you have family there willing to help, you're likely to wind up in a situation that's just as bad or worse than the one you're in now. Plus you'll have added the stress of moving to your already overstressed life.
As my mother used to say, "don't jump out of the frying pan into the fire".

I recently moved from a place I didn't like, but my reasons had more to do with crime, corrupt city govt., unbearably (to me) hot weather, things that were not likely to change in the forseeable future. What are the oher negatives you mention? Would theybe things you know would be better if you moved, better schools, more affordable housing, etc?

[shadowwalker]

Two years is enough, I'd say. And if your both so miserable change things.

[rusheib]

I am in a similar situation. I have been where I am almost a year, and have posted on this site on advice. I have received great advice from the people here.

I am miserable here so much the stress is taking it's toll. I have more grey hair, am losing some hair, can't eat, and wake up many times each night with the stress. My wife is doing slightly better afer some depression, and my kids are doing OK, but they aren't as happy without extended family around and I saw them much happier before our move.

I am looking to move back where we came from next summer if things don't improve. I do have a job now so I can't relate to what you are going through in that aspect. This economy is making things tough on moving type decisions. Loss on home sale, cost of moving, and job situation looking nad wherever you go.

What I do is hug my kids many times a day, play with them often, and make sure I love them as much as i can. The same as my wife. It helps my stress to make sure I am giving hem a good life.

We would be much beter off moving near our families as we miss them a lot. I am currently looking for jobs where I want to be, but interviews are tough as there are qualified people already nearby.

Stress is a terrible thing. It's eating me up. I hope you can get to where you want to be. Life is too short and I will do something about it if it keeps up. We may just up and move, but a small house and be HAPPY!! (hopefully not make things worse)

[Sweetlady71]

2 years is long enough...if you dont like the area...and no job has come your way...those are good reasons to move...if you like the area...then keep trying.
have you thought of doing daycare?? what is your lineof work??? maybe with knowing that....someone maybe be able to offer up something.
ive been a stay at home to...i planned on going back to work as soon as our youngest went to school....well....kids all in school...and nothing yet.
worse yet...hubby went to truckdriving for work to get us here....then recession hit.
truck driving was supposed to be temp....that has now turned into 2 year deal....we are all miserable...but also gratefull that he has a god payen job.
we would love to stay here....but after 2 years and no changes...i guess it wasnt ment to be and we are accepting that and now looking elsewhere...we are tryeing to be selective...but with him being gone all the time...its hurting our family, and may have to just accept whereever we go as long as jobs are good.
we are retired military and used to moving...kids have changed schools alot....so we have no problems there, but we are all getten to point where we would like to just call a place home and be done with moving.
to the poster who said she is thinking divorce thanks to recession and hubby cant get a job....that broke my heart.
do you have other issues that would factor into a divorce or is it just the job thing???? if you was happy before and things got bad with the loss of job....please dontlet it be the reason you walk away....im not a big religious person....and i cant stand being preached at....but let me tell you this...i do believe He only gives us as much as we can handle...and what doesnt break us makes us stronger.....
I believe this cuz from the time we said "I do" we have had so much thrown at us...most wouldnt have made it the 1st year....we have made it 15 yrs!!!! each hurdle made us stronger in our love....and you need to focus on that....to throw it away over job loss lets the recession win....you will regret it later.
if there is more to it....then do what you must...this must be just the final straw for you. i wish you all the bes.
back to the OP.....do like we are doing....agree on places you both like...get all the info on areas you can(city data is great for this) and then search for jobs.....if there is plenty of work that you can both do in these areas...then maybe you should just go for it.....if there is little to no work in your target areas...wait it out or look at areas outside your prefered ones....jobs are hard to get...especially when the 2 of you need to work...some places have lots of jobs for 1, and none for other...its not fun...we have been doing this for months now...with kids...we want to be sure before we leap....but about to just leap and hope for the best.
best of luck for you.....

[eric#1]

Get the heck out. 2 yrs. To me that is seriously insane. I have never been out of work for more than 2 weeks since I was like 15 yrs old. If you can't change the environment your in find a new environment.

[FreeSpirited1]

Getting a guilt trip from the bf about the job situation, too. Much different scenario than yours, so I am ready to bail.

I don't have enough saved so I am going to really be cutting it close, but I have to go where I have connections, and that's L.A. I feel quite certain that I can line up interviews, fly out and land a job quickly. Only then would I move.

You've got to find a job somewhere, first. Maybe look outside of your immediate area?

I worked with a guy whose home & family were in San Francisco, but lived in an apt in L.A. during the week. Not feasible for some, but you get the idea.

As for me, my bf & I have problems already and this job situation/crap economy/money pressure has shown me what a complete a-hole he really is , so I have no qualms about leaving. I will not be berated for not finding a job; next thing you know, I'll be blamed for the Titanic, 9/11 - what part of recession doesn't he get? GRRR...

I've seen your posts on CD on the work board and I sympathize with your plight. You have to do what you feel is the best thing in the long run, b/c you are married, hubby needs to understand that you may not be in the best place to be hired...is he willing to pull up stakes if you get a job? Will he be able to get work where you do?

This economy is going to wreck so many lives this way...tearing up families b/c they can't work in the same city/state. For me, I won't shed a tear over this relationship, but feel bad for others who have more loving and supportive unions!