Have you ever moved back to a place you ran away from? (jobs, school)

[cafepithecus]

I grew up in a very small town outside St. Louis, MO. I hated it and was just completely miserable with small town life and farmland all around me. I also really needed to "break free" from my parents and be independent. At 18 I moved (site unseen) 1000 miles away a place where I had a few friends I could stay with. Nine years later I am still here, now with a college degree and a job I love. I've never been wild about this area for a lot of reasons, and I know that all areas have good and bad points. But...

Recently, for the first time, I have started feeling very homesick. It started up a little bit after I went back last Xmas to visit, and within the last month, it's gotten worse. A week ago, I droppd everything and went back to visit for about nine days to kind of feel it out (I never really did much IN St. Louis when I lived there ) - and I realized there is so much more to the STL area than I ever realized, living in my small town 30 minutes away.

Since I got back I've been even MORE homesick. I find myself thinking about it all the time and reading things about STL and looking at pictures of the Arch and really sad stuff like that. And even though my family made me miserable growing up (or I allowed them to affect me that way - I'll relegate that issue to therapy and not this forum - I wish I was around more.

I guess I am having trouble figuring out how I can be so homesick for something I couldn't get away from fast enough. I know I wouldn't be living in my small, rural hometown, I would be living in the city environment - so things would be familiar and a brand new experience at the same time - but I'd be back around family regularly for the first time in 9 years.

Has anyone else gone through this? Did you move back or stick it out where you ended up?

I guess I should add here that I didn't move under the most uh - emotionally stable circumstances. I was seriously depressed and had stopped going to classes while I was away at school, and knew my parents would flip out if they knew I was flunking out. I felt very controlled by them my entire life (they aren't super controlling, but I am a control freak and have to be in charge of my own life) and I just felt like I had to break free or die, so to speak. I was 18. I figured since I had stopped going to class I'd either flunk out and have to go back to living with my parents, or leave. So I left to live with a couple of friends (none of which I talk to at this point). I really did "run away." I had no job lined up, did no research on the area, etc. I've said many times since 2000 that if I had known anything about this area before I moved, I'd have chosen somewhere else. It's not horrible- but there are a lot of reasons I'm not happy with it.

Yet, I'm still torn about the whole idea of "toughing things out." I mean, I made a choice, I ended up here... a lot of people would say you have to make the best of it. Happiness comes from within, no matter where you are. But I have no family around here. My circle of friends cycles out every few years because this area is so transient (a HUGE amount of military). It's just kind of a lonely place. This is the first time in my life I haven't had school or a relationship holding me here, since I moved. And I just keep asking myself, "Why am I here?"

[sunshineann]

Tough situation. The best i can come up with, is that only you can answer that. Would you be happy living back there full time? Would the fun times like you had while you were there visiting be there if you lived there. What actually is making you feel homesick?
Sorry im not much help...Good luck to you

[bmd69]

Were in the process of getting out the Charlotte Metro area back to the southern CA.

[montanamom]

Ran away from a small town outside of Charlotte, N.C. Ran back two years later. Getting ready to run again. SOON.

[rusheib]

Thinking about running back to a place I complained about daily. The thing is I now see the beauty and opportunities the area offers. I complained about snow but now miss it. My kids loved the snow, hopefully we'll be back in it soon - and I will enjoy every day to the fullest with a smile on my face! Snow / sleet / grey skies come on!

[Fat Freddy]

When I got out of the military in 1966 I was in Sacramento, CA.
I stayed.
Ran away from there in 1972.
Went back in 1975.
Ran away again in 1976.
Went back in 1982.
Stayed 26 years.
Ran away in 2008.
Never going back.

[South Jersey Styx]

Grew up in a small town in New Jersey.
Ran away for 4 yrs and went back.
Stayed 2 yrs and ran away again for 20 yrs.
Ran back to small town and have been here about 1 yr.
Will run away again when I can/pretty soon. I like it here but do not love it here. Things have changed quite a bit.

The nice thing about running away and back and forth is that you can appreciate things you may never even have noticed before. You get a chance to grow as a person and realize that maybe you thought you wanted something and it turns out that you don't want it at all. Just do what's best for you. Maybe we don't always know what we want but at least you'll figure out what you DON'T want.

[introspective1]

I really feel for the OP..I was raised in Mobile, AL. When I was 20, I moved to Indianapolis for a long distance relationship that failed when I was 22. I stayed because I was in school in the area and loved it cause I had a lot of friends at the time...now at 26, I sometimes think of moving back to Mobile, or somewhere within reasonable driving distance. It is hard for me to be away from my now 12 year old nephew who always whines when he asks when is the next time I am coming home. I like it up here but not as much as I used to..most people I know have left for jobs or "greener pasture"..I have been out of college for two yrs and cant find a decent job so I am working retail (Bachelors degree in Marketing) so I am struggling to make ends meet and barely staying afloat...

I sometimes wonder if I should go back home even though I feel comfortable here (regardless of circumstances, and people I meet now who ask why the heck am I even up here , when they find out where I am from...they dont like outsiders too much up here it seems)..but I know in Mobile, a smaller city...i would be unhappier cause I am not attracted to partners of my own race and in a city like mobile i was depressed cause down there if you date outside the race, its hard to find acceptance, but possible..plus I was turned down because of my race growing up, so alot of the females didnt wanna date me, and I cant seem to "myself" attracted to my own race so thats a different story (im black). ..In indianapolis, there is still problems with interracial dating, like everywhere else, but it is not as bad as Mobile, AL cause you see all kinds and huge numbers of interracial couples (kinda funny since the Klan has big roots here!) and so i dont feel like an outcast..I am torn about staying here sometimes even though i am fairly happy.

To the OP, life is to short to fight whats in your heart..if you think you should be back "home" then thats where you should be.. one thing i learned about moving up here is that you "cant run from yourself"

[tijlover]

Whenever the longing for roots strikes me, I just go back to visit relatives.
Saves a lot of moving expenses.

Nowadays, I don't even want to re-visit, preferring to send them air tickets to come here.

I've long meditated on that author Wolfe who said: You can never go home again.

The dilemma arises when you're not happy with where you live anymore, you know in your heart you can't go home again, you've visited just about everywhere in the country and seen the pro's and con's of everywhere.

I now envy my dead grandfather who never left the county of his state who, to his dying day, proclaimed that there's no more paradisical area of the world to live than in that county. Ignorance can be oh, so blissful!

[beckycat]

Originally Posted by cafepithecus

I grew up in a very small town outside St. Louis, MO. I hated it and was just completely miserable with small town life and farmland all around me. I also really needed to "break free" from my parents and be independent. At 18 I moved (site unseen) 1000 miles away a place where I had a few friends I could stay with. Nine years later I am still here, now with a college degree and a job I love. I've never been wild about this area for a lot of reasons, and I know that all areas have good and bad points. But...

Recently, for the first time, I have started feeling very homesick. It started up a little bit after I went back last Xmas to visit, and within the last month, it's gotten worse. A week ago, I droppd everything and went back to visit for about nine days to kind of feel it out (I never really did much IN St. Louis when I lived there ) - and I realized there is so much more to the STL area than I ever realized, living in my small town 30 minutes away.

Since I got back I've been even MORE homesick. I find myself thinking about it all the time and reading things about STL and looking at pictures of the Arch and really sad stuff like that. And even though my family made me miserable growing up (or I allowed them to affect me that way - I'll relegate that issue to therapy and not this forum - I wish I was around more.

I guess I am having trouble figuring out how I can be so homesick for something I couldn't get away from fast enough. I know I wouldn't be living in my small, rural hometown, I would be living in the city environment - so things would be familiar and a brand new experience at the same time - but I'd be back around family regularly for the first time in 9 years.

Has anyone else gone through this? Did you move back or stick it out where you ended up?

I guess I should add here that I didn't move under the most uh - emotionally stable circumstances. I was seriously depressed and had stopped going to classes while I was away at school, and knew my parents would flip out if they knew I was flunking out. I felt very controlled by them my entire life (they aren't super controlling, but I am a control freak and have to be in charge of my own life) and I just felt like I had to break free or die, so to speak. I was 18. I figured since I had stopped going to class I'd either flunk out and have to go back to living with my parents, or leave. So I left to live with a couple of friends (none of which I talk to at this point). I really did "run away." I had no job lined up, did no research on the area, etc. I've said many times since 2000 that if I had known anything about this area before I moved, I'd have chosen somewhere else. It's not horrible- but there are a lot of reasons I'm not happy with it.

Yet, I'm still torn about the whole idea of "toughing things out." I mean, I made a choice, I ended up here... a lot of people would say you have to make the best of it. Happiness comes from within, no matter where you are. But I have no family around here. My circle of friends cycles out every few years because this area is so transient (a HUGE amount of military). It's just kind of a lonely place. This is the first time in my life I haven't had school or a relationship holding me here, since I moved. And I just keep asking myself, "Why am I here?"

I'd sit down and weigh the pros and cons of each to help make the decision. Definately, if you do go back, I would move to the city that's nearby the small town that you are from. Especially, from what you are saying, that you didn't like the small town. I hear you as I grew up in a small town. My DH and I miss family that is 1100 mi away. We try to get back to visit for a month in the summer. We just started this. It gives you enough time to sepnd with your family, but then you realize that's enough. It's a tough decision but you really have to weigh it out. Alot of times, I hear, when you go back, things are never the same. Good luck!