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Old 06-02-2009, 01:31 PM
42 posts, read 230,008 times
Reputation: 53


Originally Posted by Omaha Rocks View Post
Moving is, in many ways, a lot like going through the process of grief. Grief is about change and loss. Moving, also, is about change and loss (of where you used to live, and everything about that place).

After living in Minnesota for nearly 20 years, my wife & I have lived in Omaha for 3. The transition - though very good and something we looked forward to - was difficult. Everything about our daily routines was thrown out of whack. But we're now loving it here more than ever.

I'd say that adjusting to a move takes at least 2 years - maybe more if there are kids involved.
I think you are right about a process of grief.......

I did something today that I never thought I would do -I got a prescription for an anti-depressant. I don't think I am a depressive type but I recognize that I am officially having the blues big time and I am hoping this will enable me to focus more on the good things rather than staying stuck in the grief process. I think I am also going to talk to a counselor.

Overall and on the surface, I am *fine* but underneath it, I spend a lot of time relieving my old life and pining away for it......

I was embarrassed bringing it up to my doctor especially as I have a logical reason for having the blues. She said given my family history and the huge life change we are experiencing, she thought it was a prudent step. If it were just me, I'd tough it out until I felt more adjusted and better but given I have small children and need to be "on" for them, it seemed like a reasonable step. Bad enough they are also adjusting without dealing with a mopey mom!! :-)

Thanks for the input!


Old 06-02-2009, 02:11 PM
Location: I think my user name clarifies that.
8,292 posts, read 26,565,440 times
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^^ Makes pretty darned good sense. ^^
Old 06-02-2009, 03:37 PM
4,627 posts, read 10,436,264 times
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Monster, please, no worries about taking whatever steps are necessary to help yourself. Ever. Your doc seems to understand, and if they don't - find another doc.

A lot of what you've written strikes a chord with me having moved untold number of times growing up (you wouldn't believe it if I told you how many times). I understand your feelings, as do the folks who've posted. I applaud your efforts to stay put for your kids.

For me, it does take that two years to feel comfortable in a new place. And the "grief and loss" aspect of moving makes great sense!

Folk have posted here about being in the Midwest for several years and still hating it. Another poster wrote about feeling at home in the Midwest as soon as they got there.

Remember, the issue of not belonging may not be your over reaction, either...

BookWorm: "but I never, ever reached the point of feeling comfortable or happy there. It was a region where most people had lived for generations, and it was made crystal clear to newcomers that they were outsiders, different, and not really welcome. I really tried hard for nearly two decades to assimilate, and in 1999, I still felt just as alien in the area as I ever had." Sometimes people can be mean jack*****, and this type of thing is done deliberately. There's nothing as powerful as shunning.

But I also believe that there are those places where we feel at home immediately. I wish you all the best in finding your home, and you will.

Good luck ~ SeeBee
Old 06-04-2009, 02:14 AM
Location: Airports all over the world
7,487 posts, read 7,965,385 times
Reputation: 106086
Originally Posted by younglisa7 View Post
KikiMonster I am so sorry moving is so hard for you. Good luck to you.

I am probably an odd ball but that is the story of my life. I love change. I love different houses, new areas, and moving. It is like an adventure to me. No matter where DH and I end up I can make it home within a week. We are very adaptable. That is one of the reasons we lived and traveled in a motorhome for 3 1/2 years, lol.
The same is true for me. Growing up my family moved every 2 or 3 years. After leaving home I moved several more times. I was always excited over the prospect of moving. While I am quite content with where I currently live, I would move in a heartbeat if the offer was right.
Old 06-04-2009, 05:48 AM
4,096 posts, read 11,421,036 times
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Your two year adjustment description hit it on the head for me. That was exactly how I felt. At the two year point when I had found the friends, gotten interested in a new school, found the stores and restaurants, gotten the garden going, we moved back.
Old 06-04-2009, 06:07 AM
1,201 posts, read 2,335,139 times
Reputation: 717
Default pack up all your troubles...

most mental health professionals suggest a period of 9 months to one year for adjusting to the new move. with the current major stressors of the economy, and w/ all that it entails, i would be surprised that an unwilling displaced individual would not need an additional 6 to 8 months.
Old 06-12-2009, 07:00 PM
22 posts, read 82,097 times
Reputation: 17
It takes a least a year to get settled into a new town. I have moved 8 times in 9 years and this is only the second time I have been able to really settle into a new town.
Old 06-13-2009, 06:46 AM
Location: Utopia
1,999 posts, read 10,529,147 times
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I've moved a few times to major cities in the US. You can make friends within that first year, but to makes really great friends takes about 1-1/2 years for some reason.
As far as adjusting to a city, it takes me about 6 months to get to know a new relatively well. I drive and look around alot during that first 6 months.
Old 06-13-2009, 03:49 PM
1,597 posts, read 2,129,903 times
Reputation: 487
I guess it depends on why you're moving....ie. if you or a spouse is being transferred, or you're simply moving because you want to live someplace new. What is the situation?

If you're moving just for the sake of moving...then as harsh as it may sound, the truth is you got yourself into the situation you're in. You should have done more research about a place first before packing up and heading out.

On the other hand, if this is a situation where you've basically had no choice, then I'd say your depression is justified.

I can understand the angst involved with moving, but I've done it so much in the past 25 years that I'm used to it. I've literally moved 30 times - yes, THIRTY times - in those 25 years! (No exaggeration there...I literally had to stop and count as I was typing this.) Some of it was due to a job, sometimes it was to be with family, sometimes it was because I wanted to live someplace new, while other times I had no choice. I got to the point where I said "Enough!" with lugging all my furniture around, and I got rid of 90% of the stuff I owned! Just tossed it in the dumpster, or gave it to other family members. It gets exhausting packing and unpacking, and disheartening when you want to settle down but you never feel like anyplace is home. So now I just keep certain things that mean something to me...music, photos, books, clothes, computer, etc...and have made it my personal policy to not accumulate "stuff" anymore. I want to be able to get it all in my car if I ever move again, and that's it. Period. In fact, I keep some it packed away in boxes in my closet. Haven't bothered getting it out.

So to answer the question...it really doesn't take me long to adjust to a move anymore.
Old 06-14-2009, 06:25 AM
Location: WI
3,961 posts, read 10,961,169 times
Reputation: 2503
until my HS years, I was moved at least once a year, sometimes more. Not an army brat, parents just "had" to move for reasons that don't need to be addressed here. I never really had the time to adjust before it was off again. So as an adult when we had our child, we vowed to keep her in same school her entire run ( which we did ). We waited until she was grown and out of the house, then we made our move to SC after spending our entire lives in WI and the last 22 years in one town ( relocated this Feb ).
Strangely enough, we felt comfortable here from the start. Of course we miss certain things from back home, as well as family, but as far as being able to get in our groove here? Already done. Maybe that's due to us wanting the southern move for awhile, and doing plenty of research and travel before we picked the general region to move to. Obviously reading the posts here ( and on other like threads ) it really depends on each person and perhaps the reason they made the move as well.
For us, this was a relocation by choice, not force
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