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Old 12-27-2009, 11:28 AM
 
31 posts, read 44,252 times
Reputation: 10

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Quote:
Originally Posted by swmrbird View Post
I can understand that your family wants to be close to you and you want to do what you can to make that happen. But it sounds like you and your husband are the only ones making compromises to make that happen. I agree with a previous poster - you shouldn't feel obligated to your parents. You need to think about your own family first - your husband and daughter. We all know this economy is less than desirable - but you can't wait for it to turn around. If you can both get jobs lined up somewhere (whether it's TX or not), you have to go. You won't be the first to move for jobs even if it's far from family and you certainly won't be the last.

I'm close to your age - although not married or with children. My family would have preferred I stayed closer to home when looking for jobs, but the opportunities weren't there. They understand that. I just missed my first xmas with my family because I was too far away to make it home in some bad weather. I promise, it's not the end of the world.

In 5, 10, or 15 years if you are still in Michigan struggling to make ends meet and unhappy, you will resent your family (possibly). If you move now and make a life for yourself - you can be proud of your accomplishments, and so can your family. They may not like it at first, but they shouldn't let distance determine a relationship. Besides, I'm sure visiting Texas from Michigan in the middle of winter would make for a great escape!
lol thanks
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Old 12-27-2009, 01:19 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 92,013,162 times
Reputation: 30379
I wouldn't wait until the end of next year. Pack your bags and move as soon as you can. Michigan's economy is down the toilet. No wonder your husband couldn't find work.

Shame on your parents for enticing you and then treating you like you're leeches.

This isn't the first time I've heard of family encourging a son or daughter with grandchildren to move closer and then refuse to help out with babysitting.

Meanwhile, there was a support network where they lived and moving near family that wasn't willing to help destroyed their support network.

Stand your ground. Don't let your mother manipulate you. She has a lot of nerve laying on the guilt.

She ensnared your family into utter poverty and refuses to help out with childcare so you can get a job.

I've got a clue for you. Your mother wants you to struggle financially---that way she can keep you close.

Move as soon as you can. Don't look back. Don't give it another thought.

Your marriage is the most important thing. You don't want to end up divorced because you were more worried about pleasing your mother than your husband.
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Old 12-27-2009, 01:23 PM
 
3,751 posts, read 7,465,245 times
Reputation: 3711
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I wouldn't wait until the end of next year. Pack your bags and move as soon as you can. Michigan's economy is down the toilet. No wonder your husband couldn't find work.

Shame on your parents for enticing you and then treating you like you're leeches.

This isn't the first time I've heard of family encourging a son or daughter with grandchildren to move closer and then refuse to help out with babysitting.

Meanwhile, there was a support network where they lived and moving near family that wasn't willing to help destroyed their support network.

Stand your ground. Don't let your mother manipulate you. She has a lot of nerve laying on the guilt.

She ensnared your family into utter poverty and refuses to help out with childcare so you can get a job.

I've got a clue for you. Your mother wants you to struggle financially---that way she can keep you close.

Move as soon as you can. Don't look back. Don't give it another thought.

Your marriage is the most important thing. You don't want to end up divorced because you were more worried about pleasing your mother than your husband.
Hopes - well said! I totally agree.
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Old 12-27-2009, 02:32 PM
 
31 posts, read 44,252 times
Reputation: 10
i really would like to go before the end of next year but i dont really think there is a way to make that happen. Seeing that we have to use our income taxes next year to get our own place here in michigan.
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Old 12-27-2009, 04:02 PM
 
1,237 posts, read 2,976,239 times
Reputation: 1091
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrz. riverz View Post
i really would like to go before the end of next year but i dont really think there is a way to make that happen. Seeing that we have to use our income taxes next year to get our own place here in michigan.
Could you use that money to find a place elsewhere instead? Your only extra cost would be moving....
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Old 12-27-2009, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Colorado
4,023 posts, read 4,719,093 times
Reputation: 8641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I wouldn't wait until the end of next year. Pack your bags and move as soon as you can. Michigan's economy is down the toilet. No wonder your husband couldn't find work.

Shame on your parents for enticing you and then treating you like you're leeches.

This isn't the first time I've heard of family encourging a son or daughter with grandchildren to move closer and then refuse to help out with babysitting.

Meanwhile, there was a support network where they lived and moving near family that wasn't willing to help destroyed their support network.

Stand your ground. Don't let your mother manipulate you. She has a lot of nerve laying on the guilt.

She ensnared your family into utter poverty and refuses to help out with childcare so you can get a job.

I've got a clue for you. Your mother wants you to struggle financially---that way she can keep you close.

Move as soon as you can. Don't look back. Don't give it another thought.

Your marriage is the most important thing. You don't want to end up divorced because you were more worried about pleasing your mother than your husband.
Welcome to adult life! It's pretty hard, huh!

I agree with Hopes. You are an adult with a family of your own now and your family must come first. Get out on your own as soon as you can. If you end up in another state, well, this is why planes and trains were invented......
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Old 12-27-2009, 04:06 PM
 
Location: California
30,513 posts, read 33,335,622 times
Reputation: 25987
I assume your husband is from Kentucky? If his family is there, and you guys were doing good there, perhaps they can help you to come back. Then when you two are standing on your own two feet you can move to Texas or wherever you want....or just stay in Kentucky where family is nearby.
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Old 12-27-2009, 04:18 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,224 posts, read 14,866,414 times
Reputation: 14977
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrz. riverz View Post
i really would like to go before the end of next year but i dont really think there is a way to make that happen. Seeing that we have to use our income taxes next year to get our own place here in michigan.
Use your income taxes refund to get yourself a place in Texas or Ky or wherever, rather than in Michigan.

Do not let your mother do this to you. I'm sure you love your parents and sisters, but your daughter and husband are your first priority. Providing a stable and mentally healthy environment for your daughter to grow and your marriage to thrive is the most - and only - important issue here.

Your parents are being extremely unfair to you. If they want you to stay, it's going to cost them - time and energy expended to help you out. If they are unwilling to do so, they have no one to blame but themselves for your leaving the state. Good luck to you in whatever state you choose.
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Old 12-27-2009, 04:20 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 92,013,162 times
Reputation: 30379
Use the income tax money to move back to Kentucky!

I'll bet his family will be more than willing to help you get on your feet.

You will be happier there while you save the money to move to Texas!

Seriously, talk to your husband about this! Start talking now so he has time to make plans!

You could get stuck in Michigan forever if you acquire expenses like rent and utilities.

Even a McDonald's job isn't security in Michigan right now. The restaurant could close do to lack of business. You'd never get away from there.

You need to get out of Michigan ASAP!

One more thing. Don't tell your parents about your plans to leave sooner.

It will just cause them to do whatever they can to stop supporting you so you'll be stuck.

It's time to learn to keep things between you and your husband.

Don't tell your mother and father that you're making plans to leave Michigan.

Tell them the week before you are leaving. Not a minute sooner.

Don't drag your feet about this. Your husband could easily move without you and leave you there. Don't push his patience.

Last edited by Hopes; 12-27-2009 at 05:09 PM.. Reason: consolidating posts
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Old 12-27-2009, 06:35 PM
 
31 posts, read 44,252 times
Reputation: 10
we would just take our income taxes and move this year but my father is talking about he wants his money that he loaned us since we've been here and he's not waiting til after income taxes he wants it right then and there. So that's why i said the end of next year... My family is really tryin to stick it to me for reasons i really dont no but i feel like im trapped into being her in michigan when i really dont want to be. I am going to talk to my husband tonight about seeing if he wants to go ahead of us even though i really dont want that to have to happen but i really think it'll be necessary for us to get out of michigan ASAP!!! I love my family to death but being here in michigan during this depression is not set for me. I WANT TO BE IN TEXAS!!!!
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