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Old 12-27-2009, 09:14 AM
 
31 posts, read 44,363 times
Reputation: 10

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ok here goes.. i am the eldest of four girls and the first and only to have a child. I am 22 yrs old and have been married for almost two years now with a one 1/2 yr old daughter. I met my husband when i moved to kentucky to go to college in 2006, i didnt have any family there so it was basically just me living the life, until i met my soul mate (I no i was young and i had no business getting married but i did i dont regret it at all because he is the best thing to happen to me and my family will tell you also).

Ok on to where my problem is.
After i got married and had my daughter i came back up north (michigan) to be with my family because they gave me sob stories about them not knowing my daughter and wanting to be apart of her life. So even against my husbands and my better judgement we made the choice to be closer so they could and we moved back to michigan. My husband has never been here in his life so this was a major adjustment from kentucky.

Now here's the big bomb shell...
My husband, daughter, and i have been staying with my father since we got here in august because we could not find a job to save our lives. My husband finally found a job at a mcdonalds which he hates but he does for his family. and my father has given us til the end of january to move out. Since we've been here i cant find a job, and if i find a place they want me to work different hours than im available and there would be no one home to watch my daughter. My mother says she's not gonna watch her cause she's not gonna get her day tied down, we dont have enough money to put her in a daycare. And to top it all of our car broke down on xmas eve. So no car, bus now.

So i told my family that since this is happening to us that we will be moving to where we want to raise our daughter at the end of next year which is texas. and my family practically had a spazum. My mom stopped talking to me, my dads always grumpy. And everybody is saying we are taking my daughter from them.

Now my question and concern is..
What do you think we should do? We really dont want to be in michigan even though i grew up here, its gotten worse than i remember. No one wants to help us with her so that we can both work and get our selves together. But we're on a time limit to move out of my fathers house. What do you suggest we do? What would you do?
Honest opinions thanks in advance.
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Old 12-27-2009, 09:28 AM
 
3,752 posts, read 7,489,001 times
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Its so obvious to me that I think you are pulling our legs. But you sound sincere so if it were me.
I would pack my stuff - head to where our life is better - give them the address and let them know they are welcome to come visit. I wouldnt look back nor think twice. As for the spasm and grumpy - I wouldnt even argue or try to reason with them. I would just put a smile on my face thinking of my new life and tune them completely out. Good luck.
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Old 12-27-2009, 09:50 AM
 
31 posts, read 44,363 times
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Thanks no i really am sincere because i cant help myself on making my mother happy.. its practically a weakness of mines that i hate for her to be upset or angry with me. My husband hates that im like that with her but its been like that all my life. And im so afraid that my daughter will grow up to hate me because i took her from her grandparents and aunts.
I want to move so badly but im afraid of upseting my family to the point they wont want to talk to me after i move when i call them.
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,346 posts, read 83,027,501 times
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What are your husband's employable skills?
What are your employable skills?
Is there a demand for either sets of these skill anywhere in the US? Would you consider moving there?
Another idea is he could move to the job and get settled and you could join him.
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:46 AM
 
Location: most beautiful place ever
1,836 posts, read 3,576,734 times
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your daughter would rather be part of a happy family than a miserable one. do what you can to move where you and your husband will be happy.
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:52 AM
 
31 posts, read 44,363 times
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My husband is a manager at mcdonalds which can transfer anywhere where there's a job opening in any state. And me im a cna and i just finished my medical assistant training last week so i can get a job as a cna in any state i just have to fill out the right paper work to do so.

I never thought about him leaving us behind and us coming later.. I dont no how either one of us would feel about that. I dont think we would have enough money saved for him to move to texas without us and my daughter and i still have to find a place here. I think thats alot to deal with honestly.
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Old 12-27-2009, 11:02 AM
 
3,752 posts, read 7,489,001 times
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Mrz.
Im sorry I questioned your sincerity. As a parent my belief is that your obligation to your parents is no longer primary. I think most parents can make children feel bad or guilty. Mine certainly do - when it becomes a burden or paralyzing its not healthy and I am almost certain you do not want your child to grow up in that type of environment. Lets face it - if your parents were interested in assisting you they would do a better job of either supporting or helping you struggle through these difficult times. they dont seem to be doing that. So you have to make yourself happy - which will lead to being a good parent and a happy marriage. If they change their attitude thats fine - if not - you will be okay.

many people live in different areas and countries than their families. its not that unusual really. Do what is best for your immediate family and stand strong. Your child and spouse deserve the best of you.
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Old 12-27-2009, 11:06 AM
 
Location: NW. MO.
1,817 posts, read 5,966,456 times
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I've long since had enough of the guilt trips and garbage that comes along with it. After a while you'll hear the words meant to make you feel guilty and instead of feeling like you've got to make them happy, you'll just want to get away as fast as you can.

Life is short, be happy.

I'm moving halfway back across the country again and can't wait!!

PS I was married to my hubby at 18 and although we've had hard times I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm 39 now. My kids are 20 and 17 and I still feel young enough to have new adventures. My youngest , who I homeschooled, graduates the end of this semester and I am going back to college and figure out what I really want to do
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Old 12-27-2009, 11:13 AM
 
31 posts, read 44,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StilltheSame View Post
Mrz.
Im sorry I questioned your sincerity. As a parent my belief is that your obligation to your parents is no longer primary. I think most parents can make children feel bad or guilty. Mine certainly do - when it becomes a burden or paralyzing its not healthy and I am almost certain you do not want your child to grow up in that type of environment. Lets face it - if your parents were interested in assisting you they would do a better job of either supporting or helping you struggle through these difficult times. they dont seem to be doing that. So you have to make yourself happy - which will lead to being a good parent and a happy marriage. If they change their attitude thats fine - if not - you will be okay.

many people live in different areas and countries than their families. its not that unusual really. Do what is best for your immediate family and stand strong. Your child and spouse deserve the best of you.
thats ok i no ppl probably write crazy things on these threads but i ran out of answers for myself.. my hubby is SO ready to go but he knows we dont have the money right now because my dad doesnt want to give us til income tax time to move since we dont want to raise our daughter in this depressing state of michigan but he's planning on trying to make the best of it for me.
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Old 12-27-2009, 11:20 AM
 
1,237 posts, read 2,987,326 times
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I can understand that your family wants to be close to you and you want to do what you can to make that happen. But it sounds like you and your husband are the only ones making compromises to make that happen. I agree with a previous poster - you shouldn't feel obligated to your parents. You need to think about your own family first - your husband and daughter. We all know this economy is less than desirable - but you can't wait for it to turn around. If you can both get jobs lined up somewhere (whether it's TX or not), you have to go. You won't be the first to move for jobs even if it's far from family and you certainly won't be the last.

I'm close to your age - although not married or with children. My family would have preferred I stayed closer to home when looking for jobs, but the opportunities weren't there. They understand that. I just missed my first xmas with my family because I was too far away to make it home in some bad weather. I promise, it's not the end of the world.

In 5, 10, or 15 years if you are still in Michigan struggling to make ends meet and unhappy, you will resent your family (possibly). If you move now and make a life for yourself - you can be proud of your accomplishments, and so can your family. They may not like it at first, but they shouldn't let distance determine a relationship. Besides, I'm sure visiting Texas from Michigan in the middle of winter would make for a great escape!
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