BIG Decicion to make! Need help from people NOT related to me! (relocate, adapt)
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Ok , here it is. I was laid off from my job (restaurant manager) 5 months ago. My husband (who's been a stay at home dad) is having NO luck in the job hunt and I, (while not wanting to get back into that industry anyway but hey, you gotta eat) am having no luck either. I've been sending out resumes and the only bites were from resturants in Tennessee. So, we're going to have to move. Unemployment is SO not enough $$ and we are in dept up to our eyebrows and contemplating bankruptsy. I'm not terribly sad about leaving the house, it's a rental, but I am sad about moving my son from his school. He is in 1st grade and the logical side of my brain knows he'll adjust just fine, but it still makes me sad. I'll be fine, he'll be fine, so I digress.
This is the situation.
We have options for which family we can all move in with and have narrowed it down to 2. My husbands uncle's house which is still in Michigan but still an hour from current school so change in inevitatble and my mom's house which is in Tennessee. We would get our own rooms at either place and would only have to pay for groceries. We chose these 2 options because of the cost and the environment for our son. We plan on finding some kind of employment (eventually/hopefullly) and saving money for a house of our own. We've been throwing money away on rent for years and have NOTHING to show for it. We will most likely be staying wherever we go for 2ish years. The problem is that I have been flip flopping about what to do for so long that I feel paralized. I want/need to make a decision NOW to A. let the families know what's going on, B. get my son used to the idea, and C. have a plan so that I can get excited about the move. I need to decide.
We have lived in Michgan our whole lives and most of our family is here. I feel the schools are superior here but that is surely the "snob" in me because that's what I know.
Moving to Tennessee has always been a plan of ours however. The land my mom and grandpa live on will ultimately be willed to my sisters and me or deeded sooner if we want to build on it by the way. My mom will probably move back to Michigan in the next few years but we still have a little family down there too.
I think I'm going MAD! I mentioned to my sisters (who live in Michigan and are both pregnant) that we may possibly be moving to Tennessee and they freaked out! One of them got all sad and misty and the other said, "well, I guess you'll get to see the new baby learn how to walk on Facebook." Really?! Like I don't know I'll be missing out on some things! I think we're leaning toward the uncles, but I think that it's only because I'm afraid of the family being mad, sad, ect. I don't want to hear it. They are gonna be SO unhappy that I'd be moving away the grandspawn!
Please, give me your feedback! I think and stress about this every day all day. I want to make the right choice. I know there is no crystal ball but could use the help of you guy and your experiences. Thank you SO much in advance.
PS sorry if this is a total ramble, I am usually a good writer my mind is just all over the place.
Well, my kneejurk reaction is to go to Tennessee. I know the cost of living is low down there, and the folks I know that live there are very nice. you always wanted to go there.......life is NOT a practice run. In life, people usually regret more what they DIDN'T do then what they did do.
As to your sisters, shame on them. True love is wanting the best for the other. If it is better for you down in Tennessee, then go. you may need to learn some patience, etc, living with your mom, but it could also be an awesome time for both of you. How nice that is your option!
Spend some REAL time with your husband and decide what BOTH of you want to do. then do it with gusto! Remember, many folks, (and loved ones) have a crab bucket mentality and do not WANT you to be where you want to be. True love is never selfish.
Keep us posted! Sounds like a great opportunity in Tennessee......
Stop worrying about your son. He'll be just fine. (We moved a lot when I was a child and all five kids turned out just fine.) As long as you and his Dad are there, he will adapt beautifully. In fact, this can be the first of many changes in his life that will help him learn important skills.
Stop worrying about what your family will think. You have to decide what is best for YOUR family. They come first. Don't let anyone guilt you into staying. Everyone will eventually adapt to the changes and who knows, maybe they will move to be nearer to you.
Go to Tennessee and start your new life. Just do it!
I think I would stay in Michigan just because the move to Tennessee will inevitably be more expensive and it sounds like you're pretty broke. I know you don't want to move twice, but you could move to your uncle's house in Michigan and keep looking for jobs all over. You'll be around a little longer for your sisters that way, too.
And please don't beat yourself up over renting! Think about where you'd be if you'd bought a house two years ago and were out of work now. There are hundreds of thousands of people out there who wish they could walk away from their housing without repercussions and you can!
You're going to get a lot of conflicting responses. As you probably already know, you and your husband are just going to have to make a decision and then not look back. It feels huge right now, but both moves will probably work out fine for you.
Yeah, I guess I didn't give a whole lot for you to go off of now that I've reread what I wrote. LOL
The property is about 25 NE of Knoxville and all of the jobs have been for corporate restaurants in the Knoxville area. I understand what you mean about being close to family or supporting my own little family. (There is family in Tennessee which is cool. I don't think we would want to move somewhere with none now that we have a child.)
I guess I'm just gearing up for all the grumbling and tears, talks to try to change our minds, telling us our son won't get the education he deserves, that the country is too far away from things, quarts of Malox being dumped down peoples throats.
If we stay in Michigan with the Uncle, I'd like to think I or my husband would eventually get a job, same for Tennessee I guess though. Luckily I still have unemployment to get us through in the meantime. But when I look at the big picture of living on the family farm, wide open spaces for my son to play in vs. living in a "rich" part of town (that we SO won't fit in to, we are jeans and t-shirt people) just for the sake of staying here it sounds like a no brainer huh?! Plus the Mom support of going back to school is unmatched and she would give her eye teeth to have my son live near her...even if only for a while.
We could always move back if we decided Tennessee isn't where we want to buy a house in the next couple of years, right?! Our son will still be young enough. Tennessee (or any other state for that matter) offers us a chance for an adventure. Sure I've been there twice a year (at least) my whole life, but visiting and living are different and I would look forward to checking out other parks, museums ect. and just exploring the state as a resident not a weekend visitor.
I'm 34 years old for petes sake! Why am I so "afraid" to tell my dad & co. that we're moving away? He lives 7 miles away and I still only see him once a month or so. I guess I need help putting on my "big girl pants" and tell everyone. I feel that moving in with the uncle is a fine choice, but I think I would just be making it to avoid telling the michigan family that we're moving and to avoid making a choice. If we stay, we really havn't changed anything but our city.
Sounds like Tennessee would be a better fit for you....Where is your husband in all this?? You two should be a team in this and with both of you united, you should be able to support each other and handle anyone else....
My husband is in for the move...either one. I am the one having a problem with deciding. I'm making him nuts! His vote is Tennessee...I'm seeing a pattern here!
Moving can be an adventure for you, hubby and your child. Forget explaining to people, you aren't a child. Discuss it more with your s/o and do what you feel is right.
it's tough for sure. My husband lost his job in May 08 and promptly found another one from a contact at his old company...problem is...it's 350 miles away in Virginia. My entire family is in Connecticut and I also have young kids (2nd graders). we owned a house so my husband worked from home for over a year while we tried to relocate. We just moved 3 months ago and I really do miss my family and they miss us (and especially the kids). I hope this will get better with time, but I don't want to lie to you, it can be tough. I will say I was 10000% for it until the actual move happened. And I know in my rational mind that it was the right decision and it will work out for the best for us, but that doens't mean it's not hard. Be prepared to be homesick for awhile but I'm sure it will get better.
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