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Old 06-24-2007, 01:39 AM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,381,457 times
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I refer to a given city, not just a place in general.

I've lived in this city for 3.5 years and I am just not happy. I have no friends to speak of, a couple of acquaintances and a "close friend" who isn't always exactly "supportive," shall we say.

Lots of people would be very happy in my position, but I'm not. The truth is I haven't really "put myself out there" to move towards establishing friendships/relationships, as I never have the motivation and energy.

The first 9 months I moved here I'd wake up in the a.m. and realize I was here and get down. I used to (and still do) have dreams of real city life. I can say sleeping and dreaming are often the highlight of my day. Yes, I am depressed but this is way huger than what I've ever had to deal with in the past.

Before this place I had dreams and goals and I was busy and had friends. All of a sudden, when I moved here, I just crashed.

Anyway, are there just bad places for certain people wherein they will never find happiness, due to whatever reason? Thanks.
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Old 06-24-2007, 01:47 AM
 
911 posts, read 3,252,372 times
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I'm Sorry
I do know how you feel...
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Old 06-24-2007, 02:27 AM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,381,457 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeLaSalle View Post
I'm Sorry
I do know how you feel...

LOL, thanks, do you need a hug? (((hug)))

Would you care to elaborate on your thoughts?
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Old 06-24-2007, 05:30 AM
 
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There are definitely places that are 'Better' fits for whatever reasons.


One of my friends is more 'adventuresome' and she made several moves--started her own business(es) and stayed very busy.
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Old 06-24-2007, 07:55 AM
 
508 posts, read 1,319,121 times
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Dunno. I think the problem sounds like it has more to do with you than the place. Is it your job or is it your lack of social connections -- humans are mostly social creatures and benefit from interaction. I think it is up to us make our own fun and make the best of situations/places, it isn't going to knock down your door looking for you.

Give your current location one more shot with everything you've got -- join social groups that spark your interest or start a social group that sparks your interest. Great way to meet people.

However, I will agree that we can all benefit from fresh starts and maybe it is time for one. #1 rule in my life is be happy and #2 rule is don't forget #1. You gotta do what you gotta do if you really think it is the place that is making you unhappy.

I do suffer from RTS or Restless Travel Syndrome . Sounds like something the drug companies would try to convince us of anyway - ha!
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Old 06-24-2007, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
4,486 posts, read 15,303,310 times
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I'm sure there are places when you'll be happier but unless you put yourself out there, you'll never be truly happy in any city. You say that you have very few friends but you also say that you don't have the ambition to go out and socialize. Do you have low self-esteem? That may be one of the causes that you aren't happy there and could also explain why you won't go out and make new friendships.

I'm a social person by nature and I sometimes go up to random people in a bar or club and strike up a conversation. This is actually how I made some of my best friendships by just randomly talking to different people. If I wasn't social I know I wouldn't be happy living here either.

Get out there and make new friends. You'll never be happy anywhere if you don't.
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Old 06-24-2007, 08:33 AM
 
1,501 posts, read 5,194,732 times
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Cities and towns can, indeed, be like night and day. Where my family is, people pretty much just live to complain. If somebody's not batching about something or being critical for shallow things, they're not saying anything at all, no matter how pleasant you try to be. I said "Thank you" to two clerks yesterday when buying clothes for Dad. NO response from either, even after I repeated. But that's perfectly normal around here.
Having lived in other areas myself, my family can't relate to the fact that it is different in other places because they've never been outside this area. They think people are this way everywhere.

I will never be happy where my family is, but have been more than happy in other places. People were just more positive and had more going on in their lives than just settlling for the things which they exist to complain about. They think it's "normal". I know otherwise. Go to Chicago where the winters never end. The majority are not this way. I saw this firsthand living and working there.
This place should have some Chicago weather! Could you imagine? At least they'd have a legitimate excuse, geez at least we have SPRING here!!
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Old 06-24-2007, 08:42 AM
 
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
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Default could be the place, could be you

The key is finding a place that suits you best. That's the beautiful thing about this country. There are so many places to choose from! Three and a half years is a long time, however, so if you haven't found happiness in your current town, it may well be time to move on. But before you do, figure out what is important to you. What do you want from life? In a city? Make a list, prioritize it, then visit and choose the city that has most of the attributes you desire. What are some things you don't like about your current city? Try to learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them. Don't compare your new city to the last you lived in, just appreciate your new city for what it is. Maybe a smaller, more walkable city would suit you?
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Old 06-24-2007, 09:26 AM
 
25,084 posts, read 14,301,696 times
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U should put yourself out there a little more. Then if that doesn't work u can move to Alaska and I will see u there. I hope u feel better about your life in the city u r in very soon.
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Old 06-24-2007, 10:34 AM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,381,457 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houstoner View Post
The key is finding a place that suits you best. That's the beautiful thing about this country. There are so many places to choose from! Three and a half years is a long time, however, so if you haven't found happiness in your current town, it may well be time to move on. But before you do, figure out what is important to you. What do you want from life? In a city? Make a list, prioritize it, then visit and choose the city that has most of the attributes you desire. What are some things you don't like about your current city? Try to learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them. Don't compare your new city to the last you lived in, just appreciate your new city for what it is. Maybe a smaller, more walkable city would suit you?
These are some good questions. I would like everything to be perfect Perfect weather, perfect job, perfect cost of living, perfect scenery!

In all seriousness, I am from the Midwest and just couldn't have the harsh winters, so that was out. It's always hard starting over by yourself in a new city. I've lived in San Diego (perfect weather), San Francisco (perfect everything except the cost of living), Portland, OR (very beautiful state but quite gloomy, but then I was only there a couple of months) and now metro Phoenix area (cheaper housing).

I'm thinking I'm going to force myself to do everything possible before I bail here. I can give it three more months. However, the one thing that is not going to change in those three months is the fact there is no water nearby nor really things I enjoy doing. I just don't like what this place has to offer and I don't like endless strip malls.

I agree with the notion there are better fits for some people in terms of places. Think of it like this...there are just some people in life that no matter how hard we try we are just never going to like or get along with, irrespective of the reason.

Oh, and one more thing I'd like to add...I never realized before just how huge of an impact it would have on me to live in a conservative place. I felt as if I'd moved to the bible belt when I first got here. So that is another factor. I think people need to live where they're comfortable with a given political leaning, at least if one is into that stuff.

And just to be on the safe side, I'm not going to sell my house. I'll just pay someone to check on it and then go rent for a year to see if I can handle the weather in the Pacific NW. I was thinking maybe a place like NC, but then there's that political bent I'd have to contend with again.
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