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Old 09-14-2010, 10:43 AM
 
99 posts, read 385,814 times
Reputation: 61

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Hi all,

I moved to the easy bay 9 months ago from Europe and find it very difficult to make the kind of friends I did back home, maybe its me but Americans seem very insular - its easy to make a lot of acquaintances, but not friends.

Everyone appears to have a dog which I'm starting to think they use as a replacement for human contact.

Even in the rugby club I've joined, everyone turns up, is friendly, shoots the breeze about superficial topics but quick departs once training is over - no going for a beer.

As I said, maybe its just me :-)

What do you think?
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Old 09-14-2010, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Bay Area
3,981 posts, read 8,959,090 times
Reputation: 4728
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishman_irl View Post
Hi all,

I moved to the easy bay 9 months ago from Europe and find it very difficult to make the kind of friends I did back home, maybe its me but Americans seem very insular - its easy to make a lot of acquaintances, but not friends.

Everyone appears to have a dog which I'm starting to think they use as a replacement for human contact.

Even in the rugby club I've joined, everyone turns up, is friendly, shoots the breeze about superficial topics but quick departs once training is over - no going for a beer.

As I said, maybe its just me :-)

What do you think?
Yeah, it's definitely an American thing. It's not you. (no offense to anyone I hope- I'm not trying to start a riot)

My husband is also from Ireland and we have experienced the same. It's the ONE thing that I miss terribly about living over there--human contact and socialization was huge for my family there.

You wouldn't be a Munster fan by any chance? We're huge into rugby in my family! Where you from??
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Old 09-14-2010, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Mission Viejo, CA / San Rafael, CA
2,352 posts, read 5,240,568 times
Reputation: 539
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishman_irl View Post
Hi all,

I moved to the easy bay 9 months ago from Europe and find it very difficult to make the kind of friends I did back home, maybe its me but Americans seem very insular - its easy to make a lot of acquaintances, but not friends.

Everyone appears to have a dog which I'm starting to think they use as a replacement for human contact.

Even in the rugby club I've joined, everyone turns up, is friendly, shoots the breeze about superficial topics but quick departs once training is over - no going for a beer.

As I said, maybe its just me :-)

What do you think?
Europe, specifically the U.K and Ireland have a pub culture that is more dynamic and friendly than here in the U.S. I spent 6 weeks in London for business, and found that the pub culture there is almost akin to a "family living room" here in the states. I saw Father's and Son's hanging out in the same pub chatting with mutual friends. That's something you don't see here in the states very often.

That being said, if you're looking for close friends, why not start inviting friends out to the pubs and try to build that "culture" yourself?
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Old 09-14-2010, 11:26 AM
 
Location: San Diego, California Republic
16,573 posts, read 27,285,010 times
Reputation: 9007
Quote:
Originally Posted by clongirl View Post
Yeah, it's definitely an American thing. It's not you. (no offense to anyone I hope- I'm not trying to start a riot)

My husband is also from Ireland and we have experienced the same. It's the ONE thing that I miss terribly about living over there--human contact and socialization was huge for my family there.

You wouldn't be a Munster fan by any chance? We're huge into rugby in my family! Where you from??
I agree with clongirl minus the not wanting to offend anyone part as I get offended daily by some of the things I read.

Americans in general tend to be more inward looking. Very very different than you Irish. I've known a lot of Irish over the years and the social laid back vibe is something most of us are not as familiar with. Americans also tend to be somewhat xenophobic to varying degrees. Interesting about the dog comment, never thought of it that way but makes sense.
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Old 09-14-2010, 12:03 PM
 
Location: London.
587 posts, read 1,462,938 times
Reputation: 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishman_irl View Post
Hi all,

I moved to the easy bay 9 months ago from Europe and find it very difficult to make the kind of friends I did back home, maybe its me but Americans seem very insular - its easy to make a lot of acquaintances, but not friends.

Everyone appears to have a dog which I'm starting to think they use as a replacement for human contact.

Even in the rugby club I've joined, everyone turns up, is friendly, shoots the breeze about superficial topics but quick departs once training is over - no going for a beer.

As I said, maybe its just me :-)

What do you think?
Some times it takes a while to make friends as an adult in a new town, let alone a new country. My first year in LA was unbelievably lonley. Give it a while. I made some life long friends.

On the other hand Americans on a whole are insular, but I don't think it makes being friends harder, it does however makes for some seriously ignorant and scary people.

Dogs aren't replacements, I think the internet and way too many gadgets, makes people less social.
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Old 09-14-2010, 12:06 PM
 
Location: South Korea
5,242 posts, read 13,039,448 times
Reputation: 2957
Americans are often not very outgoing, especially in the Bay Area, and we are not very spontaneous either, you have to schedule something far in advance with us whereas Europeans will just drop by and go and do something on a whim. And Americans are scared to death of strangers.

On the other hand, people in places like the UK and France can be pretty insular too, and just hang out with the same people and stay in the same area. When I studied abroad for my junior year in Scotland I didn't really make any friends with any Brits and really only made friends with the other American and foreign students. The Brits I met didn't seem very outgoing at all and just hung out with their friends from home.
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Old 09-14-2010, 12:30 PM
 
99 posts, read 385,814 times
Reputation: 61
Hi all,

@clonggirl: I am indeed a munster fan (up the reds! :-) ) and am from Wicklow, do you watch the matches from home or head into any of the Irish bars in town?

@MrFantastic: I've tried inviting people out twice, as mayorhagger says, over here you really need to give people a lot of notice, which is fair enough but I've found as a meetup gets closer most people flake out.

@Gentoo: definitely agree with that, as soon as people hear my accent they are immediately both interested and suspicious of me in fairly equal measures :-)

@Crystal: try telling that to lady who lives above me, sits on her balcony every night talking to her dog about her day & problems she is experiencing. Every day at 6pm the streets are full of single people walking their dogs with headphones on & staring down at the ground, no one communicates.

@Mayerhagger: Cannot speak for the UK & France, but in Ireland you can normally just start talking to someone in a bar / sports event / whereever & have some fun..... normally doing that over here results in very strange looks (why are you talking to me) followed by a quick escape.
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Old 09-14-2010, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
527 posts, read 1,573,624 times
Reputation: 320
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishman_irl View Post
@Mayerhagger: Cannot speak for the UK & France, but in Ireland you can normally just start talking to someone in a bar / sports event / whereever & have some fun..... normally doing that over here results in very strange looks (why are you talking to me) followed by a quick escape.
We-ell, I think it really depends. For example, I was on the patio of a bar a couple weeks ago with a girlfriend and struck up a convo with another group of girls at the next table, and next thing we had walked to someone's house, ordered a pizza, and were playing Wii for hours, and swapped numbers at the end of the night. I've been able to have these kind of experiences everywhere, I think one factor is the kind of people you approach, and the environment in which you approach them.
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Old 09-14-2010, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Bay Area
3,981 posts, read 8,959,090 times
Reputation: 4728
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishman_irl View Post
Hi all,

@clonggirl: I am indeed a munster fan (up the reds! :-) ) and am from Wicklow, do you watch the matches from home or head into any of the Irish bars in town?

@MrFantastic: I've tried inviting people out twice, as mayorhagger says, over here you really need to give people a lot of notice, which is fair enough but I've found as a meetup gets closer most people flake out.

@Gentoo: definitely agree with that, as soon as people hear my accent they are immediately both interested and suspicious of me in fairly equal measures :-)

@Crystal: try telling that to lady who lives above me, sits on her balcony every night talking to her dog about her day & problems she is experiencing. Every day at 6pm the streets are full of single people walking their dogs with headphones on & staring down at the ground, no one communicates.

@Mayerhagger: Cannot speak for the UK & France, but in Ireland you can normally just start talking to someone in a bar / sports event / whereever & have some fun..... normally doing that over here results in very strange looks (why are you talking to me) followed by a quick escape.
Hey! Yeah, my husband and I watch the matches from home (you can get them on FOXSPORTS (via direct tv). The whole Magner's league has just started (I think- unless its still the Tri-nations) and my husband seems to be taping them all. I'm looking forward to seeing my "boyfriends" David Wallace and Paul Warwick play soon (lol) The real reason I love rugby!

Unfortunately we have no real Irish pubs, English pubs or anything remotely of that nature out here in the East Bay. Most are just American bars that have a shamrock and an Irish surname attached. The Irish tend to be more spread out over here.

You didn't mention where you're living, but I can refer you to a few good local pubs in San Francisco where you'll meet other Irish if you need a "fix" for easy conversation.
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Old 09-14-2010, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Bay Area
3,981 posts, read 8,959,090 times
Reputation: 4728
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmk1707 View Post
We-ell, I think it really depends. For example, I was on the patio of a bar a couple weeks ago with a girlfriend and struck up a convo with another group of girls at the next table, and next thing we had walked to someone's house, ordered a pizza, and were playing Wii for hours, and swapped numbers at the end of the night. I've been able to have these kind of experiences everywhere, I think one factor is the kind of people you approach, and the environment in which you approach them.
I think the main difference is the age thing over here. You just don't see people of all ages hanging out at the same table. For some reason, over there it'd be perfectly normal to hang out with a senior, or even a whole table of older people- male and female. You'd not likely ever witness this in the States (at least I've never seen it in the Bay Area).

My husband used to bring his guitar to a pub in Ireland, and the whole bar would soon be joining in singing! People wouldn't really be keen on that here- it might interfere with the television or loud music playing in background! Just a different culture I suppose!
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