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Old 12-18-2011, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
116 posts, read 205,563 times
Reputation: 50

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Okay so I'm very introverted and a little shy sometimes. But I have a thirst for moving to other cities or whatever when I graduate from school. I love Houston, but it's like I've been there done that and I want to explore other places. The only thing is I know how I am, and it's very hard for me to reach out on my own and try to be outgoing and meet new people. I've been in Houston all my life so I know people, and the only thing about moving on my own (which I love the idea of) is two-fold because I feel as though I would just be super isolated in a new city because of me being so reserved. So if you guys have a similar personality, how did you guys reach out and find acquaintances and friends? Or did you just hang with people from work? I know I might have to try to become more outgoing though, which I can be at times it's just not natural for me. Also, are there any cities that are easier for making friends?
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Old 12-18-2011, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Ohio
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Not really, though you'll probably get more of a welcoming vibe from smaller cities. Still, maybe a change of scenery will break you out of your shell.
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Old 12-18-2011, 09:56 PM
 
140 posts, read 150,260 times
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I can relate here. I'm extremely introverted, but I'm also restless and can't stay still in the same place for long without beginning to dream of other places. I will tell you, though, that you shouldn't fool yourself. If you're an introvert and dislike engaging in social activities with other people, living somewhere else isn't going to change that. For the nine months I lived in Philadelphia (the first time I ever lived on my own OUTSIDE of my hometown), I had exactly two friends, and both of them were people I worked with.

Now I live elsewhere, and I have a few friends, although none of them are close enough that I feel like calling them up regularly to hang out. We'll go out on Friday nights to get drinks, etc., but I don't call them on a Sunday afternoon to see if they want to come over and hang out or go to the park or whatever. If you're like me (extremely introverted), you've gotten used to the isolation, and may be able to cope; if you don't do well with isolation, though, think hard about what you want out of your move and if it's really going to be the best choice for you.
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:20 AM
 
Location: super bizarre weather land
883 posts, read 931,854 times
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meetup.com is a great site for finding people with similar interests...that's how i found my tea groups! (that's afternoon tea--who knew going to tea houses was such a big thing? haha)

Are there any cities where you know people already? that helps, or else if you're worried maybe move t to a nearby city so home isn't too far away. like a mid step. so if you live in houston, move to san antonio or the dallas area.
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Old 12-19-2011, 06:56 AM
 
21,210 posts, read 30,427,905 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natural510 View Post
Not really, though you'll probably get more of a welcoming vibe from smaller cities. Still, maybe a change of scenery will break you out of your shell.
I agree as I think the natural impulse for introverted people is to withdraw in large social settings which a big city by and large presents. You might try looking at a smaller city, preferably a college town as they tend to draw people from all over and in my opinion are quite welcoming of "new people". Some examples of friendly college town cities would be:


Bloomington, Indiana
Iowa City, Iowa
Missoula, Montana
Ithaca, New York
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Burlington, Vermont
Morgantown, West Virginia
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Center City
6,866 posts, read 7,817,078 times
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The issue is less about where you live than about how you live. If you don't reach out to people in Houston, it is not likely to change if you live in Tokyo or College Station. If you want to meet more people, it's going to take some initiative on your part. The easiest way I've found to find friends is to put myself in situations where I'll meet compatible people who share my interests. Work is one of the less likely places to do so because in many instances, the only thing you'll have in common with those around you is the need for an income. Places where you are more likely to meet compatible people include volunteer organizations, clubs centered around hobbies, continuing education classes and places of worship. There is no need to start by hosting a party for 20 strangers you've just met. Instead, invite one person to join you for a cup of coffee after your meeting, class or whatever. If you click, great. If not, try again with someone else next week. An interesting dynamic is that once you make that first friend, you may find yourself becoming included in that person's circle. Friends often beget friends.

It appears what you've done so far isn't working for you. That means you've got to take a risk. The beauty is that you don't have to wait until you move to get started. Trying it a few times in Houston should make the thought of moving away less daunting to you.

Best of luck
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
116 posts, read 205,563 times
Reputation: 50
Quote:
It appears what you've done so far isn't working for you. That means you've got to take a risk. The beauty is that you don't have to wait until you move to get started. Trying it a few times in Houston should make the thought of moving away less daunting to you.

Best of luck

Yes, I agree. But here, I never try to reach out because I know a lot of people just by being here my whole life. But, thank you great advice.
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Old 12-19-2011, 03:00 PM
 
4,668 posts, read 6,121,430 times
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I lean toward the introverted side of the spectrum, I've moved around a lot as an adult and I've found the only way I make friends is at work.

Make a couple of buddies at work, get introduced to their circle of frineds, bada boom bada bing.
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Old 12-19-2011, 07:06 PM
 
Location: roaming gnome
12,391 posts, read 24,589,254 times
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I think big cities actually work out better for introverts. Nobody is in your business when you don't want them to be (small town stuff) and you can go out with all kinds of people when you want to. You can walk down the street and nobody gives a crap, yet if you wanted to, you could strike up conversation. Most of my friends are through volunteer type things in new cities or just hanging out at the same place in the neighborhood.
I NEVER hang out with anybody from work. Actually in my 9 years of professional work, I can only think of one person I am actually friends with, and they were a secretary for just a few months. I think it is because there is a certain level of professionalism in most places I work, that it would be pretty hard to be buddy buddy with people there. Many are older, or have wife/kids, etc. Now I've remained in touch with them as colleagues for professional reasons, but have never had any of them over at my house or anything. I don't consider random going out for drinks or a work outing after work on a Friday being "friends" though, just to clarify.
I am fine with my introversion though, and which is also why big cities are great, b/c I can do almost anything I want to do, anytime I want to do, and don't have to be on anybodies schedule.

Last edited by grapico; 12-19-2011 at 07:16 PM..
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:04 PM
 
Location: .N6 A4
3,486 posts, read 4,381,681 times
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To the OP: what about the adjustment to finding (and keeping) a new job (assuming you need to work)? That has probably been the biggest challenge for me. I was in the same job for almost fifteen years, then I relocated (for health reasons) without a job lined up. My first couple interviews were pretty rough. But even since having a job, it's been a challenge to figure out how to work in a new work environment. If your current work situation is relatively comfortable, you may not realize the work that will be involved when you give that up and need to adjust to a the social dimension of a new job. I wasn't even thrilled with a lot of the social/inter-personal aspects of my previous job, but there were still a new set of challenges going into a new job. Incidentally, off the top of my head I don't have any advice on how to deal with a new work setting. I would say that one issue for me is that I sometimes drop my guard sooner than I should. For a shy introvert, I can sometimes be impulsive about revealing too much about myself, or not seeing how bring up x will inevitably leads to questions about y (where I don't want to talk about y).

I can't comment so much on finding friends or dating in a new city, since I simply haven't had the energy to try to do that (due to the still unresolved health issues that inspired the move). But based on past experience I agree with jm02 about how best to meet people.

I also find big cities appealing for the reasons grapico describes. (I did move from a large city to a mid-sized city, but Albuquerque is big enough for me.)
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