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I hate when people are overly nice to me and smile 24/7. Atlanta's one of those overly nice places. Yet I moved here yesterday from NY. However, I hate negative people. People who seem to complain and hate their lives. This doesn't
mean the people aren't friendly, just means their negative. I'm a positive person who doesn't like pointless talking and smiling at people who I don't even know. So, to answer the question, I guess I don't like places that are overly friendly, but hate places full of negative people (Capital Region NY).
I think what many folks forget is that it is just too crowded in big cities -- Miami, Philadelphia, New York, for example -- to do all the little niceties people take for granted in small towns.
An example: When I walk down the street in the small town in the south where many of my relatives live, everybody says "Good Morning," or otherwise greets you even if they 've never seen you before. Well, you sure can't do that in New York City when you pass hundreds of people every few minutes. Can you imagine trying to tip your hat to all of them and say hello? You'd feel like an airline stewardess at the plane door, except on speed!
And you except chit chat at the drug store counter? Puhh-lease. In big cities, where the lines are long and the cashiers few, you just want to make your purchase and get out. Time is money, and anyone who lingers at the counter chatting, or even struggling to put their money back in their pocketbook or wallet will get the evil eye from everyone in line in back of them.
Now this is less true in less crowded, residential parts of a city. But in general, when you're in a big city, people shouldn't mistake "I'm in a hurry, keep the line moving," for "I'm an unfriendly pr**k who could care less about you." The latter is generally not what's happening.
In big cities its more likely that there's just less time for the niceties people in towns an small cities take for granted because there are just so many people.
When I moved from Long Island NY to a town of about 24,000 in MD the MD clerk in the store called me "hon." I didn't know what to make of it until my then new MD co-worker who is still my good friend told me that's what they call people in the Baltimore/Annapolis area.
But 12 years later when I moved from MD to a town of about 27,000 in TN after I retired, the first thing I found out was everyone talks to everyone here about anything. People talk to you while you're in the Post Office. People talk to you when you are in line at Wal-Mart. People talk to you in the doctor's waiting room. They'll tell you they like something you are wearing or ask you about some food item you are buying. They'll talk about their kids or their boyfriends or their kid's teachers. They'll talk about travel. They'll talk about where they are from and where you are from. I like it.
Also, you can always tell a male native from a male transplant. The native men always hold the door open for you and they don't go through it first and then hold it (like they did in MD). They could be the scruffiest looking guy and they still hold the door. You go, "Thank you" and they respond "Yes, ma'am."
Now a funny story: The second day I was here in 2007, I needed to get some kitchen stuff at Wal-Mart that I didn't take with me from MD. It was the time that the Queen of England was visiting America. So, I'm on line at Wal-Mart on a weekday and there was an older couple (about in their 80s) in front of me. The wife picks up one of the tabloid newspapers and turns to me, a perfect stranger, and says, "Poor Laura (Bush). Don't you think it's awful that President Bush is having an affair with the Queen?" And she was really upset. I have to admit it took me awhile to respond to that one. But it just illustrates that people will talk to you about anything here.
But the difference between the friendliness in Tennessee and the lack of it when I visited Long Island 14 years after I had left was upsetting to me. In NY, people behind the counters don't even look at you nevermind talk to you. I ordered a slice of pizza (who doesn't when they return to NY) and the guy just flung the plate down on the counter and said the price. A woman in the supermarket at the register hemmed and hawed and acted like she expected me to pack my own groceries. When she realized that wasn't happening she seemed really perturbed that she might have to do her job. Meanwhile, in my supermarket in Tennessee they always ask me if I need help with taking my groceries to the car and putting them in the trunk. I never do but I've seen them help other people. I've had conversations with a post office clerk about their former home in Minnesota, a conversation with a woman patient at the eye surgeon about comfortable shoes. A kid at Kroger and the guy bagging for him telling me about his Harry Potter addiction. A woman was telling the whole crew of us waiting for our mammograms about some trouble her little kid was having in school the last time I was there. It's just different and I think it's nice.
And here's one that will really knock your socks off. The first time I had my car serviced in Tennessee at the Subaru dealership a couple of towns away, I requested to have my windshield wipers changed, along with the oil change, tires checked, etc. Didn't think anything of it. The people in the service department were very friendly when I was there. A few days later I get a phone call from them. It was raining. They wanted to know how my new windshield wipers were working out for me. I kid you not. I almost fell off my chair.
Had I never left Long Island, I wouldn't know there was nicer/friendlier people out there. I would have just accepted the status quo.
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Yes BUT, my idea of friendliness is not making small talk in an elevator or saying "howdy" to every person you pass on the street.
My idea of friendliness is having an easy time finding activity partners and making friends with neighbors, co-workers or through networking or other friends and THEN being able to maintain those friendships because there is effort made on both ends.
I'd rather live in a city full of rude aholes that don't even look at one another but was easy to make and keep friends than a city where everyone smiles and waves but nobody wants to be friends.
I so agree with this. I used to absolutely love living in South Florida and at first was able to ignore the rudeness and angry people here. I thought they were anomalies. Now I often find myself dreading having to leave my apartment.
Everyone says they want to live somewhere where people are friendly, yet they keep moving to South Florida in droves. Perhaps one on one people are friendly here, but en masse? Not so much.
I've been following the Washington and Seattle forum pretty closely because my husband and I are contemplating a relocation to the PNW and a lot of people on those forums are discussing the Seattle freeze which I find a little amusing. It seems that people are hard to make friends with, but are in general polite, respectful and mannerly. What I wouldn't give for a little of that around here.
People, in general, in South Florida are not polite, not mannerly, not helpful, not respectful AND it's hard to make friends.
I suppose it could just be the transient nature of the area, but every year I'm here it gets harder and harder to muster up any enthusiasm about staying.
You hear that as a repeating theme--South Florida is not too pleasant to live as far as friendly people. I liked Fort Lauderdale a lot, but haven't been in some years. But, Florida has a weird vibe to me. In the West, people won't go out of their way to argue, confront each other--in general that is. They'll ignore you or walk away, but not out and out mean. LA could be different, never been.
Quite a testimonial for Tennessee, LauraC. I'd add it to my list of areas we're scouting for retirement, except for the recent poll here placing Nashville very high on the list of places best (nationally) for political conservatives. I'd love the friendliness but in my short time in Charlotte (another city that landed a lot of votes on that poll) those same friendly people would bash (in sweet southern accents) democrats quite loudly -- and rudely -- even in the supermarket line. Not to say that would happen in Tennessee, but I like to invite new neighbors over for dinner who tend to refrain from conversations about religion and politics in polite company.
I love this thread. Just wondering about all the things that go into an area's reputation for friendliness. Another comment is that while I encountered a tremendous amount of public "friendliness" in the South, I must say it was generally quite superficial. Friendly people who tend to become real friends -- people who will give you the shirt off their back -- IME have been many of the people I met while living in the Midwest.
That "public" friendliness, however, is a very nice characteristic and when I think about places we might retire -- it's very, very important to us. Manners matter!!
Quite a testimonial for Tennessee, LauraC. I'd add it to my list of areas we're scouting for retirement, except for the recent poll here placing Nashville very high on the list of places best (nationally) for political conservatives. I'd love the friendliness but in my short time in Charlotte (another city that landed a lot of votes on that poll) those same friendly people would bash (in sweet southern accents) democrats quite loudly -- and rudely -- even in the supermarket line. Not to say that would happen in Tennessee, but I like to invite new neighbors over for dinner who tend to refrain from conversations about religion and politics in polite company.
I love this thread. Just wondering about all the things that go into an area's reputation for friendliness. Another comment is that while I encountered a tremendous amount of public "friendliness" in the South, I must say it was generally quite superficial. Friendly people who tend to become real friends -- people who will give you the shirt off their back -- IME have been many of the people I met while living in the Midwest.
That "public" friendliness, however, is a very nice characteristic and when I think about places we might retire -- it's very, very important to us. Manners matter!!
I really agree. Manners do matter. I wasn't sure I cared, but I think they make a place more pleasant in day to day interactions. Even the shallow smiling or plastic smile I call it, maybe sometimes it's okay. The long face syndrome I don't care for. It does bring you down to look at those faces!
Last edited by Nanny Goat; 08-03-2012 at 09:30 AM..
My experience from moving to north Alabama from Ohio has mainly been positive due to the "friendliness factor".
From the moment we arrived in Decatur, AL, I never felt more welcomed. In fact, I feel more welcomed in north Alabama than I did when we lived in Columbus, OH.
It's amazing how just being friendly rubs off on others. I now find myself talking to strangers while waiting in line, smiling at others, and simply slowing down to smell the roses.
Right now I am visiting my family in Ohio and I immediately notice a difference after being away for several months. I'm not saying Ohioans are rude, but the way people interact with others is more abrupt and impersonal. Of course I've met some very unfriendly people in Alabama, but the ratio seems a lot lower.
I think what many folks forget is that it is just too crowded in big cities -- Miami, Philadelphia, New York, for example -- to do all the little niceties people take for granted in small towns.
An example: When I walk down the street in the small town in the south where many of my relatives live, everybody says "Good Morning," or otherwise greets you even if they 've never seen you before. Well, you sure can't do that in New York City when you pass hundreds of people every few minutes. Can you imagine trying to tip your hat to all of them and say hello? You'd feel like an airline stewardess at the plane door, except on speed!
And you except chit chat at the drug store counter? Puhh-lease. In big cities, where the lines are long and the cashiers few, you just want to make your purchase and get out. Time is money, and anyone who lingers at the counter chatting, or even struggling to put their money back in their pocketbook or wallet will get the evil eye from everyone in line in back of them.
Now this is less true in less crowded, residential parts of a city. But in general, when you're in a big city, people shouldn't mistake "I'm in a hurry, keep the line moving," for "I'm an unfriendly pr**k who could care less about you." The latter is generally not what's happening.
In big cities its more likely that there's just less time for the niceties people in towns an small cities take for granted because there are just so many people.
I was thinking this and I couldn't have said it any better. This is so true.
An example: When I walk down the street in the small town in the south where many of my relatives live, everybody says "Good Morning," or otherwise greets you even if they 've never seen you before.
That's not really an example if anyone wants to move on out of the neighborhood/small town they grew up in. If one is too socially awkward to make new acquaintances and/or have a phobia regarding strangers (or change) your example otherwise fits perfectly.
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And she was really upset. I have to admit it took me awhile to respond to that one. 
But it just illustrates that people will talk to you about anything here.
