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Old 08-04-2012, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Minneapolis (St. Louis Park)
5,991 posts, read 8,318,361 times
Reputation: 4270

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I don't think you notice friendliness until it's gone.

I'm starting to realize how much I prefer friendliness and general kindness and integrity to the lack of it. I've never in my life had so many people at checkout lines not only not say anything to me like "hi", or "did you find everything okay", or even "goodbye", they wouldn't say A WORD.....AND, sometimes I get the feeling they resent the fact that I'm making them do their job (as a white person in what's often a mostly-black environment, I feel a lot of racism directed my way)! I've never seen such total lack of grattitude (for having a job) and outward distaste for anything in my life! I'm not really sure how these people a.) got their jobs, or b.) keep their jobs, because everytime it happens all I can think of is "what would your manager think about your attitude?". If I were running a business with employees acting like this I'd be FURIOUS!

In short, I miss kindness.....even if it's "over the top" or "fake"......it's better than the opposite of kindness!!
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Old 08-04-2012, 10:06 AM
 
Location: N26.03 W80.11
326 posts, read 828,501 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by Upstate Nancy View Post
You hear that as a repeating theme--South Florida is not too pleasant to live as far as friendly people. I liked Fort Lauderdale a lot, but haven't been in some years. But, Florida has a weird vibe to me. In the West, people won't go out of their way to argue, confront each other--in general that is. They'll ignore you or walk away, but not out and out mean. LA could be different, never been.
Florida does have a weird vibe. It's a little bit like it's own country, at least in the part where I live. There's a lot of the weirdness that I like, but there is also a mean/angry vibe that penetrates the area.
I went to Sarasota on the other side of the state for a long weekend last week and it felt like an entirely different place than the Florida I live in. There was no "mean" feeling there. People were nice. I don't care if it was genuine or fake, it was a lovely change.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Min-Chi-Cbus View Post
I don't think you notice friendliness until it's gone.

I'm starting to realize how much I prefer friendliness and general kindness and integrity to the lack of it. I've never in my life had so many people at checkout lines not only not say anything to me like "hi", or "did you find everything okay", or even "goodbye", they wouldn't say A WORD.....AND, sometimes I get the feeling they resent the fact that I'm making them do their job (as a white person in what's often a mostly-black environment, I feel a lot of racism directed my way)! I've never seen such total lack of grattitude (for having a job) and outward distaste for anything in my life! I'm not really sure how these people a.) got their jobs, or b.) keep their jobs, because everytime it happens all I can think of is "what would your manager think about your attitude?". If I were running a business with employees acting like this I'd be FURIOUS!

In short, I miss kindness.....even if it's "over the top" or "fake"......it's better than the opposite of kindness!!
I agree with your kindness idea. I've been to grocery or department stores here where I'll great the cashier and won't even get eye contact in return. Total transactions in complete silence. There's been several times where they don't even tell me the total. I just have to read it off the register. Weird. Or I've been to the grocery store where the cashier and the bagger will be having a conversation and totally ignore me. Sometimes the conversation is in a different language so I can't understand which I don't care and I don't think it's on purpose, but it's just so inappropriate.
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Old 08-04-2012, 03:57 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 20 days ago)
 
8,696 posts, read 10,845,026 times
Reputation: 12754
Quote:
Originally Posted by Min-Chi-Cbus View Post
I don't think you notice friendliness until it's gone.

I'm starting to realize how much I prefer friendliness and general kindness and integrity to the lack of it. I've never in my life had so many people at checkout lines not only not say anything to me like "hi", or "did you find everything okay", or even "goodbye", they wouldn't say A WORD.....AND, sometimes I get the feeling they resent the fact that I'm making them do their job (as a white person in what's often a mostly-black environment, I feel a lot of racism directed my way)! I've never seen such total lack of grattitude (for having a job) and outward distaste for anything in my life! I'm not really sure how these people a.) got their jobs, or b.) keep their jobs, because everytime it happens all I can think of is "what would your manager think about your attitude?". If I were running a business with employees acting like this I'd be FURIOUS!



In short, I miss kindness.....even if it's "over the top" or "fake"......it's better than the opposite of kindness!!
I agree. Maybe it's generational, too, but it's deemed okay to have a bad attitude anywhere you go. The social mores have changed. Maybe the economy, too, is stretching people to their maximum? I called Verizon the other day and the lady said, "Please don't yell at me; I've had 6 people yell at me and it's only 9:39 in the morning." I told a joke to her and she laughed. Wow, I thought, doing that for a living.
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Old 08-04-2012, 04:07 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 20 days ago)
 
8,696 posts, read 10,845,026 times
Reputation: 12754
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2ForTheSea View Post
Florida does have a weird vibe. It's a little bit like it's own country, at least in the part where I live. There's a lot of the weirdness that I like, but there is also a mean/angry vibe that penetrates the area.
I went to Sarasota on the other side of the state for a long weekend last week and it felt like an entirely different place than the Florida I live in. There was no "mean" feeling there. People were nice. I don't care if it was genuine or fake, it was a lovely change.



I agree with your kindness idea. I've been to grocery or department stores here where I'll great the cashier and won't even get eye contact in return. Total transactions in complete silence. There's been several times where they don't even tell me the total. I just have to read it off the register. Weird. Or I've been to the grocery store where the cashier and the bagger will be having a conversation and totally ignore me. Sometimes the conversation is in a different language so I can't understand which I don't care and I don't think it's on purpose, but it's just so inappropriate.
Phoenix had a weird vibe that I loved till it got larger. I like eccentric places, but the people have got to be somewhat nice. As the population grew, it got downright mean.
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Old 08-06-2012, 07:47 AM
 
1,604 posts, read 3,503,116 times
Reputation: 1526
If you were forced to lived in a place where rudeness is the norm like I have (Washington DC), then the kindness and inclusivity of the city's people is very valued. Being surrounded by people who mostly go out of their way to be rude takes a toll on the soul, makes you misanthropic, and forces you to question your faith. I'm stuck in a place where nastiness - not the busyness and directness you see in NYC that gets confused for "rudeness" - but unprovoked and unapologetic nastiness is praised and is considered an art form. And the worst part is that this is the only area in the entire country that is producing a surplus of jobs. Truth be told, I think in the near future, an area's niceness/rudeness will play a role in determining housing values.
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Minneapolis (St. Louis Park)
5,991 posts, read 8,318,361 times
Reputation: 4270
Quote:
Originally Posted by Do a Barrel Roll View Post
If you were forced to lived in a place where rudeness is the norm like I have (Washington DC), then the kindness and inclusivity of the city's people is very valued. Being surrounded by people who mostly go out of their way to be rude takes a toll on the soul, makes you misanthropic, and forces you to question your faith. I'm stuck in a place where nastiness - not the busyness and directness you see in NYC that gets confused for "rudeness" - but unprovoked and unapologetic nastiness is praised and is considered an art form. And the worst part is that this is the only area in the entire country that is producing a surplus of jobs. Truth be told, I think in the near future, an area's niceness/rudeness will play a role in determining housing values.
Your post made me a bit relieved in knowing that others react the same way I do to constant negativity. As a recovering addict (2 years in a month!), this is NOT what I need in my life right now!!!
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Old 08-07-2012, 01:46 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 20 days ago)
 
8,696 posts, read 10,845,026 times
Reputation: 12754
I'm wondering if it's relative, too. A place I lived before was overtly rude I felt. But, someone else moving into the area might not feel that way about it and didn't. Or, if you come from a very, very rude place and move to a less rude place, you might think it's not rude at all. And, I used to think most large metros were all rude. I don't think that necessarily. Some horribly rude, some not much.
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Old 08-07-2012, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Springfield VA
4,037 posts, read 8,080,713 times
Reputation: 1499
You know a lot of people complain about DC but I really like the DC area. Once you start making friends in whatever city you're in things get easier. It took a while to make friends in DC but now my calendar stays full. It's great. Yes there are some snobs but they're getting easier to avoid.
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Old 10-09-2012, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Yuma, AZ
8 posts, read 15,047 times
Reputation: 11
I grew up in Winnipeg, Canada and always found the people to be very friendly and had no problems making great friends. We lived in Ridgecrest, California for the past 5 years and the people there were very friendly, and we had so many wonderful friends, it broke my heart to move. I never realized the importance of living where the people are friendly until we moved to Yuma, Arizona. We moved here for my husband's job a little over a year ago. The people are civil but that's about it. They don't really even like to make small talk. I don't know if it's the heat...over 110 all summer and still in the high 90's. We started going to church and after a couple of months we stopped going because the people don't stay to after to chat , they just leave and go home. We had heard before we moved that this wasn't a very friendly place but as my husband and myself have always had many friends it never occurred to us that we wouldn't be able to make new ones here. My husband loves his job and I want him to be happy but I hate it here and I find it very lonely without my female friends to do things with.
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Old 10-27-2012, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Santa Fe, The City Different
195 posts, read 357,585 times
Reputation: 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by Upstate Nancy View Post
Is the friendliness of an area important to most people when choosing where to live? And, what really is it? You see many posters discussing it. Is it a casual friendliness people are talking about? Is it all perception or are certain areas really more "friendly"--whatever "it" is?
Its not really important, but I live about 800 miles from home and know no one, so I would like the area I'm in to be friendly. What I mean by friendly is just a casual "hi, how's it going". I am not looking for hanging out at houses friendly, but I do like people to show some common courtesy. I feel that is lacking in my current location.

Also, if you feel welcome in an area overall, then you want to give back to the community and become involved. My previous location was like that. I felt accepted there so I gave back. However in my current location, I don't have that feeling and I haven't become involved in anything here. I've also been here a year and a half. I'm actually looking to move elsewhere next year or at least by 2014. But I will be definitely moving.

For example, customer service. I don't think its lacking here, but I feel they pick and choose who they will help and talk to. It is almost never me. That actually makes me feel bad for going in there, and then I take a long absence from that store. I kind of figure, what the heck, i wasn't welcome so why on earth would I want to go back! This is why I hate shopping here in my location. But I don't have that option anymore to go to another state. Sometimes even the shoppers here seem to have that same attitude.

I'm really missing home and my family, so that's probably the basis for the rant. I really like it here, but then I do not.

Last edited by Disco Inferno; 10-27-2012 at 09:03 PM..
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