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Old 10-14-2013, 08:23 AM
 
Location: The State Line
2,275 posts, read 3,176,474 times
Reputation: 2608

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I never understood why people move to a new area, eager to get away from their old area, only to complain it's not like "home." They'll move from Long Island or New Jersey to the Carolinas and make comparisons that the culture isn't as diverse, the pizza isn't as good, it's "slower," the schools aren't as good as NJ, etc.

Perhaps my expectations are different, but I wouldn't expect NC to be like NJ, and that's fine, because every area has different values and people don't have to live exactly the same. But people act as if a place isn't like their "home" that something's wrong, and they demand certain things; and sooner or later, the area has the same issues that they wanted to leave, and loses its uniqueness that drew people there to begin with.

I can understand being homesick now and then, but one should be reasonable in what to expect when moving to a new area, instead of bashing it because it's different. Should we honestly expect every part of the country to be exactly the same? Why not appreciate a different place for what it's worth, instead of making unfair comparisons for what it isn't. If you honestly miss "home," that much, move back (and perhaps you'll remember why you wanted to leave in the first place).
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Old 10-14-2013, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
1,347 posts, read 2,680,232 times
Reputation: 2315
1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
2. You don't know what you've got till it's gone.
3. Homesickness
4. Not feeling like you belong or fit in in a place, whereas in your hometown you did.
5. Realizing the grass is not always greener, in fact, the grass was pretty darn green where you came from (akin to #2)

I think it is simply human nature to compare constantly. Think about it; that's really all we do all day long, isn't it? Compare how we feel to when we felt good. Compare how the job is compared to someone else's. Compare financial situations to someone else's or your own in the past.

I read a quote once, not sure who said it "All unhappiness is created by comparison."
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Old 10-14-2013, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Waiting for a streetcar
1,137 posts, read 1,180,016 times
Reputation: 1119
Let's also recognize that when people move, all of the lines that tethered them to a version of reality are ripped up and torn out. Work, school, neighborhood, church, athletic, charitable, social, cultural, and lifestyle connections -- many perahps in place for years -- are all suddenly broken. It takes time and often a good deal of it to get everything passably connected again in a new location. Give these folks the patience and understanding that are due them in their situations. Maybe join "Welcome Wagon" or some such and try to help newcomers with the adjustment process. You might end up teaching yourself as much as you teach them.
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Old 10-14-2013, 02:17 PM
 
748 posts, read 1,415,310 times
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Well my husband and I recently moved from WV to SC and we do make comments like that from time to time, my husband more so then myself. God knows not because we miss WV, it's just that everything is truly different. I think we really didn't expect EVERY THING to be different. It isn't necessarily bad it's just surprising exactly how different every thing is from WV. Every thing seems like it made 20 times harder then it need be in SC. Every thing is different from laws, renting, to little ceasers pizza prices, to peoples attitudes, to when we wake up of a morning and more. There honestly isn't one single thing about my life in SC that is the same as WV was, again not really a bad thing, just surprising it's SO different. You'd think some things just wouldn't change, like the time you like to get up or go to bed, but shockingly enough everything does.
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Old 10-14-2013, 02:49 PM
 
624 posts, read 783,638 times
Reputation: 975
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolinaDreams View Post
Well my husband and I recently moved from WV to SC and we do make comments like that from time to time, my husband more so then myself. God knows not because we miss WV, it's just that everything is truly different. I think we really didn't expect EVERY THING to be different. It isn't necessarily bad it's just surprising exactly how different every thing is from WV. Every thing seems like it made 20 times harder then it need be in SC. Every thing is different from laws, renting, to little ceasers pizza prices, to peoples attitudes, to when we wake up of a morning and more. There honestly isn't one single thing about my life in SC that is the same as WV was, again not really a bad thing, just surprising it's SO different. You'd think some things just wouldn't change, like the time you like to get up or go to bed, but shockingly enough everything does.
^^This, exactly.

It's not always a comparison to home. It's often just venting about the absence of something you like or the presence of something you dislike, without regard for where you come from or where you are, as such. There are a lot of things you don't notice about a place until you live there. Doesn't mean you'd rather go back home.

I'm from NYC and now live in Columbia, SC. I've moved around a lot, including four years in Raleigh, NC, and this is by far the biggest culture shock. Sometimes I just have to say things out loud, to vent small frustrations/befuddlements. Doesn't mean the place is all bad. Just bad enough, in my case though. I don't blame it all on the state...a lot of it's me. Just not a good fit. Some things we can adapt to and learn to appreciate, some things we can't. No harm, no foul.

It's just best to keep it to yourself around local people. Many are proud of where they're from, and that's cool.
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Old 10-16-2013, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
34,706 posts, read 33,724,405 times
Reputation: 51960
Because they don't put any real thought into where they are going. It's all about getting away from intolerable conditions (to them) in the old location. Let's say they don't like snow, high taxes, rude people, lousy schools and a lot of traffic so they look for a new location that doesn't have those things and don't spend hardly any time researching what the new place offers THEM. Three months after their move, when the thrill of not having to deal with those intolerable conditions wears off, they look around and wonder what the heck they are doing in the new spot that is so wrong for them. Then they do one or more of these things:

1. Complain about how stupid the locals are. Well who was the stupid one who spent a lot of money and uprooted a family/spouse to move to a place that was so wrong for them?

2. Decide they are going to share their "we did it better there" wisdom. You are a planet in the universe. The sun doesn't revolve around you. It's your job to fit in not change everybody else.

3. Move again now trying to get away from new perceived intolerable conditions.
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Old 10-16-2013, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Harbor Springs, Michigan
2,292 posts, read 2,647,485 times
Reputation: 4586
Worse are those who move to a new area and proceed to change it so its like the place they just left. I've seen this happen a lot in Alaska where folks from the PNW move in and realize it isn't quite as 'green' as they'd like so start petitions to stop the progress that Alaska needs so it can be "just like they imagined"

My husband and I recently moved from Alaska to northern lower Michigan and we love it, when folks ask us what we miss we say the mountains, they truly are spectacular however this years fall colour in Michigan has been the best and we are loving it here
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Old 10-16-2013, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Central Maine
2,867 posts, read 2,990,380 times
Reputation: 3983
Worse are those who move to a new area and proceed to change it so its like the place they just left. I've seen this happen a lot in Alaska where folks from the PNW move in and realize it isn't quite as 'green' as they'd like so start petitions to stop the progress that Alaska needs so it can be "just like they imagined"

Ditto for Vermont, my former home. People move there then proceed to make changes because it isn't exactly like they wanted it to be. Too many have the attitude that they are going to show the local "bumpkin hicks" that they are so much more capable so they get their transplant friends to vote them into local offices to change things. If you don't like where you moved, if you can't accept it for what it is, then move back to where you came from and do the rest of us a favor!!!
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Currently living in Reddit
5,655 posts, read 5,706,454 times
Reputation: 7280
As someone who moved from New England to Pittsburgh, I think bemoaning that the pizza sucks (as well as bagels and Mexican food) is perfectly legitimate!

And yes, I do want to see PA be more like Connecticut and actually have massively profitable casinos that contribute more heavily to fund the state and a liquor distribution system that is actually consumer-friendly instead of the boondoggles we have that profit only those connected to the system.

But other than that I kinda like it here.

And the pizza options got better in the past few years :-)
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Old 10-16-2013, 08:47 PM
 
Location: St. Louis, MO
4,009 posts, read 5,520,143 times
Reputation: 4547
Quote:
Originally Posted by claud605 View Post
1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
2. You don't know what you've got till it's gone.
3. Homesickness
4. Not feeling like you belong or fit in in a place, whereas in your hometown you did.
5. Realizing the grass is not always greener, in fact, the grass was pretty darn green where you came from (akin to #2)

I think it is simply human nature to compare constantly. Think about it; that's really all we do all day long, isn't it? Compare how we feel to when we felt good. Compare how the job is compared to someone else's. Compare financial situations to someone else's or your own in the past.

I read a quote once, not sure who said it "All unhappiness is created by comparison."
Claud summed it up beautifully.

I think another reason could be that they haven't wholeheartedly embraced the move from the beginning.

For instance, I moved from St. Louis to NC (husband was in the Marine Corps), and although I thought I was emotionally ready for the move and I thought I was excited for a change of scenery... I was homesick for St. Louis within weeks (and St. Louis isn't even really my 'home', I was born and raised in Australia). I started finding fault with everything, and as much as I tried to make the most of it, the Carolinas just never got into my heart the way St. Louis did.

With the Brisbane, Australia - St. Louis move, however... I was only thinking "what have I done?" for about 3 days. Once I started understanding St. Louis, it got under my skin entirely, because there legitimately was more to love here, in my opinion, than in Australia.

North Carolina, eh, not so much!

I think it's about going in with an open mind, and you really do have to genuinely dislike where you're coming from, to be able to really embrace a new place.
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