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Hello, I've been a lurker for a while and now I just signed up!
I'm 33, Asian-American, born in Los Angeles. Currently I live in New Mexico and work as a criminal lawyer. I enjoy my work, and I enjoy the snowboarding, hiking, and running here, but Albuquerque isn't fully my cup of tea because although it's the friendliest place I've lived (friendlier than the Midwest!), it's an insular culture in which the people settle and marry early.
As someone who is still single at 33, meeting my future wife is a priority for me. But it's slim pickings here in Albuquerque (NM in general!) because it's too small and insular, and people marry or have children early here.
That's why I don't think I'll be here for the rest of my life.
But at the same time, although Los Angeles is the best place in the world to be (in my biased opinion) if you're single and 33 (people are beautiful in LA!), it's hard to meet your future wife there, as people in LA are unstable financially, emotionally, and career-wise.
Where are the women that are relatively stable, and open to dating a career-minded, family-oriented, but open-minded Asian man?
There's no perfect city, and I know moving won't solve all my problems. But I'm looking for a city that:
1) Has access to outdoor activities and is a place where endurance sports are popular 2) Has single women who are open to date Asian men 3) The society is not xenophobic, but is accepting of Asians 4) Access to water is a plus, but not a dealbreaker 5) I don't prefer a crowded city like New York or Boston. I'm not 21 anymore and I don't like constant stimulation. I like the peacefulness of a smaller city. 6) Is not uptight, intense, and angry like DC (I've lived there), Baltimore (extended family there), or Philadelphia (ugh lol) 7) The presence of good international food is a plus, but not a dealbreaker 8) Good clothes shopping is a plus so I don't have to drive 6 hours to Denver! (Not a dealbreaker though!) 9) Has a thriving market for lawyers! (I need work to survive!) 10) Seattle and San Francisco seem too leftist for me. They seem intolerant of Western religion, for example. (To summarize, I've recently fallen away from religion, but knowing me, I might return.) And I'd rather have Midwestern/East Coast four seasons more than the yearlong gray and cold of these two places.
None of these factors are dealbreakers in themselves. I'm looking for a good combination.
Here are my candidates:
1) LosAngeles - My home, so I will always love it. Excellent cuisine! No shortage of things to do; I'm still discovering it! Access to water. You can find your niche--every ethnicity, hobby, religion, and political view is represented. It's a megacity but doesn't feel like one with its vast suburbia. I know how to navigate the traffic; I know the freeways like the back of my hand. Aside from West Hollywood and West LA, it's not as liberal as people think.
But: Though most are still single up to their 30s, they tend to be unstable. The legal market isn't that great. Living in LA means I return home for good; it's the end of my adult adventures. It's racially diverse but segregated. It's possible to live here only having Asian friends, but I don't like that. Remember, I'm not talking about cities with the most Asians; I'm talking about which cities tolerate and accept Asians.
2) Denver - Everyone seems to love it. No access to water, but outdoors and endurance sports are very popular. Seems like people are happy there! People aren't as unstable as LA people, it seems.
But: Is the job market good? I hear mixed things about the dating scene; I hear people marry early in Denver. I hear it's somewhat xenophobic and white-centric. Is Denver really all it's cracked up to be?
3) Kansas City or Wichita - Having lived in Kansas for two years, this is crazy but Kansas feels like my second home. I've grown to love it for what it is. I've found that the stereotypes about conservatism aren't that true. Don't know about the Midwest as a whole, but I don't find Kansas City to be that much more conservative, friendly, or slow than my hometown in suburban Los Angeles. Attitudes in KC are much like those in the coasts, and there are still quite a few 30s singles in KC! I've met some of my best friends in Kansas. When I return, I just feel a nice magical vibe. I actually love the winter snow and the greenery in summer. I even like the humidity, now that I live in NM!
But: Still, some Kansans are xenophobic, although the economy and society are open. (NM is not xenophobic, but its economy and society are closed and nepotistic.) Being a Jayhawk in Lawrence was fun for two years, but will actually settling down in Kansas be as fun??
4) Florida - Access to water and scuba diving! If I can take the FL bar and show commitment to moving there I can enter what is a protective legal market.
But: Florida is far-flung and it just seems too different culturally from where I've lived. Would a Korean fit in a Southern/Cuban/Puerto Rican/geriatric mix?
5) Phoenix - Kinda like Los Angeles but not so leftist, so I can understand the city well. Bigger and not as insular as Albuquerque. There seems to be a need for lawyers here, if I can take the AZ bar, I believe I can break in. People are beautiful and seem friendly! Rocky Point isn't that far away. Access to outdoors, and it seems endurance sports are pretty popular here.
But: Does Phoenix accept Asians? And man it's hot!
6) Are there any other hidden gems I should check out? How about Nashville, Austin, Indianapolis (Indiana seems very wholesome), or Milwaukee? North Carolina used to intrigue me but I get this weird feeling that I don't belong there. And if I choose Chicago, Dallas, or Atlanta, I might as well choose LA?
I'd appreciate any and all input! Thank you so much.
I wouldn't suggest Florida….it's not all that open-minded. Although you are never far from water and there are lots of outdoor things to do, you obviously won't have a lot of the outdoor activities it sounds like you like the most (no snowboarding LOL). Have you considered Portland (either one - Maine or Oregon) or Seattle? Alll three have easy access to water and outdoor activities and are about the size you seem to be looking for. The West Coast cities will be a little more progressive and accepting of Asians than Portland, Maine, but I don't think Portland, Maine would be problematic from that perspective. I'm not sure about the dating scene but I always had the impression that all three had a decent sized single professional population. I'm also not familiar with the market for criminal lawyers in those areas. But I would consider all three. Nashville is a great town but it may not have the diversity you are looking for. I don't know about Milwaukee but Madison is a possibility, as I think Minneapolis would be. One concern I would have about Minneapolis is the legal market. The University of Minnesota is a top-rankied law school so you may face a lot of competition, although that is just a guess based on exactly no information.
Diversity in itself doesn't matter to me. I don't care about the percentage distribution of each ethnicity. What's more important to me is that people would be willing to date, befriend, or work with an Asian like me.
For the record, I prefer to date white women. The few women I have dated are mostly white. Most of my friends now are white; I'm fine with that.
In addition, I can go without snowboarding or scuba diving. Those are just pluses. Training for running or swimming (possibly a tri when I get a bike!) is important to me, though.
For that reason San Diego is also on my list? I hear it's also xenophobic, though.
I think Minneapolis would be a terrific choice as it hits all of your criteria quite well, including water access if lakes are large enough bodies of water.
You are in a good career situation for a 33 YO, no hurry. Id let career choices dictate my next move and make the best of the place i landed.
If it were me I would be as far south in FL as I could get. I grew up in S Miami and love snorkeling over the reefs. I think there are still some alive and well reefs off John Penny camp and down in the keys. I take the kids down there and on cruises and in the Carribean to snorkle over the reefs all the time now. Nothing like floating above a reef watching the Sgt Majors, yellow tail, Angel and other colorful tropical fish on the background of live healthy colorful coral. Its a good way to intoduce Ecology issues to my 9 & 10 YOs without all the political BS.
But thats me
I think you would find the ethnic diversity alot like So Cal and mostly Cuban Spanish with alot of Islanders. Im thinking a criminal lawyer might be able to stir up some clientle. I wish my career options had led me back home but they led me to Indianapolis im I am sure im better of here than S FL
Diversity in itself doesn't matter to me. I don't care about the percentage distribution of each ethnicity. What's more important to me is that people would be willing to date, befriend, or work with an Asian like me.
For the record, I prefer to date white women. The few women I have dated are mostly white. Most of my friends now are white; I'm fine with that.
In addition, I can go without snowboarding or scuba diving. Those are just pluses. Training for running or swimming (possibly a tri when I get a bike!) is important to me, though.
For that reason San Diego is also on my list? I hear it's also xenophobic, though.
Dude...You are way to worried about the negatives of each city. If you are a confident person than you should be able to find something in each city that you like; including women. Don't be so high maintenance, that turns off a lot of people regardless of what city you go too.
Edit: Also, If you do end up going back to LA. Remember the golden rule (at least mine) never date anybody with a head-shot. There are more people than you think that would meet this criteria.
Edit: Last thing...The Burbs of LA are way more segregated than LA proper. Cause people who move there tend to want to be around their own kind.
Last edited by jamills21; 10-25-2013 at 11:28 AM..
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