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Old 03-08-2014, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,119,247 times
Reputation: 7075

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I live in Norwalk, CT and work in Stamford, CT and I like my job, but can't stand living in this area (the 80-mile radius of NYC). My lease ends in May and I don't know what to do. I'll be 30 years old, no debt, no kids, and have about $50,000 saved up in the bank (plus $10K emergency fund, plus $2,000 in checking) and a master's in accounting. I'm also gay and single. Working remotely is not an option. And there are no other office locations.

I don't like anywhere near the NYC area at all. I want to live in a more laid back area that has tax/accounting/finance jobs and access to a reasonable sized gay population near my age. I want to live in a metro area with a population of no more than 2 million, preferably. I want the cost of living to be low to moderate. It can be slightly high, but not too high. I don't like southern or Midwestern accents too much, either. I want it to be a place that a New Englander can fit in just fine. I need to have summers with at least 3 months of hot weather or else I'll be pissed. But I do prefer four seasons.

Anyway, the heart of the issue here is should I leave the area and quit my job? Or should I stay and deal with it, even though I hate it? I mean.....I really don't like it here at all. It's just too hectic, uber expensive, extreme traffic, and a very thinned out gay population. I feel like I will be single forever, here. But the lesson that I learned over the past year is that it's more important to be happy with where I live than be happy with my job. I work to live, not live to work.

What would your advice be? I know I asked a million times on this forum, but every now and then, I need to touch base again, as circumstances change.
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Old 03-08-2014, 10:50 PM
 
Location: Auburn, New York
1,775 posts, read 2,511,505 times
Reputation: 2935
There is no city to my knowledge that has a laid back atmosphere, a lot of accounting jobs, a thriving gay community, four seasons, and a population of less than two million. I think Minneapolis would be the closest, but the metro area is around 3.5 million. I believe it has one of the largest gay population per capita in the country (behind Seattle, San Fran, Washington DC, and Atlanta), 19 Fortune 500 companies, and a 5% unemployment rate. Live near the Lake-of-the-Isles and enjoy nature in your backyard.

If you write off Minneapolis because of the accent, you best stay in Connecticut.

Though the economy is not as good as Minneapolis and it's not as gay, you might consider moving down the road to Providence. Otherwise, Omaha has everything on your list except for being a gay mecca. Fort Collins, Colorado might work too, but I haven't spent enough time there to say for sure, and have no idea what their job market is like.

Last edited by Dawn.Davenport; 03-08-2014 at 11:06 PM..
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Old 03-09-2014, 05:08 AM
 
Location: Colorado
1,524 posts, read 2,262,562 times
Reputation: 2168
DC would fit the bill, but you might feel uncomfortable because of all the different kinds of people with different accents from you.
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Old 03-09-2014, 11:31 AM
 
1,640 posts, read 2,048,076 times
Reputation: 2543
If I were you, I would check out the East Bay Area of California (i.e., Pleasanton, Dublin, San Ramon, Danville, Walnut Creek, etc.) and the eastern suburbs of Sacramento (i.e., Folsom, Granite Bay, Rocklin, Roseville, etc.)--four mild seasons with long, hot summers; easy access to some of the largest gay communities in the country; nondescript accents; suburban in nature, so not as congested as living in the immediate cities (i.e., SF, Oakland, San Jose, etc.); high COL, but lower than the cities; lots of finance/accounting/tax jobs due to a thriving financial industry in that region; and politically liberal/very progressive.

IMO, Northern California is one of the easiest places in the country for the average New Englander to fit in/assimilate in addition to the Pacific Northwest. I don't think the transition for you would be difficult at all.
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Old 03-09-2014, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,119,247 times
Reputation: 7075
Quote:
Originally Posted by 8to32characters View Post
If I were you, I would check out the East Bay Area of California (i.e., Pleasanton, Dublin, San Ramon, Danville, Walnut Creek, etc.) and the eastern suburbs of Sacramento (i.e., Folsom, Granite Bay, Rocklin, Roseville, etc.)--four mild seasons with long, hot summers; easy access to some of the largest gay communities in the country; nondescript accents; suburban in nature, so not as congested as living in the immediate cities (i.e., SF, Oakland, San Jose, etc.); high COL, but lower than the cities; lots of finance/accounting/tax jobs due to a thriving financial industry in that region; and politically liberal/very progressive.

IMO, Northern California is one of the easiest places in the country for the average New Englander to fit in/assimilate in addition to the Pacific Northwest. I don't think the transition for you would be difficult at all.
Unfortunately I've never been to that area. I've been all over SoCal and didn't really see myself living there, however. I can't speak for NorCal. I know I wouldn't like living in SF, because of the extreme density, traffic and the horrible climate. I like real heat.

But Idk....SF seems like one of those places that have lots of pretentious, judgmental people. I'm trying to get away from that. I want to live in an area that's more subdued.
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Old 03-09-2014, 02:15 PM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,469 posts, read 14,312,551 times
Reputation: 23254
Wait, you can't deal with different accents of all things, find most of the rest of the country to be too much of a culture shock, but want to get away from judgmental people? If you can't learn to be more accepting of those differences I think your best bet is to keep your job, be willing to make a longer commute and look for a city/suburb more suited to you than where you live now.
Honestly I think it would be far easier to work on learning to accept some differences and live with them (you know, that whole 'tolerance' thing), but that's just me.
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Old 03-09-2014, 02:19 PM
 
1,640 posts, read 2,048,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Unfortunately I've never been to that area. I've been all over SoCal and didn't really see myself living there, however. I can't speak for NorCal. I know I wouldn't like living in SF, because of the extreme density, traffic and the horrible climate. I like real heat.

But Idk....SF seems like one of those places that have lots of pretentious, judgmental people. I'm trying to get away from that. I want to live in an area that's more subdued.
First of all, Northern California is nothing like Southern California, and if you've never been to Northern California, how can you possibly claim to know what it's like?

Second of all, you clearly didn't read my previous post. I advised you check out the East Bay Area where it's warmer/sunnier, less congested, and less pretentious/judgmental. I also recommended the Sacramento area as well, which is even hotter, less congested, and less pretentious/judgmental than the East Bay, but clearly, you just skipped right over those recommendations.

FAIAP, you should probably stay where you or move back to the Hartford area. You're a native New Englander at heart, and you don't really remind me of someone who would fit in warmer weather areas (e.g., Southern California, Central/Southern Arizona, Southern Nevada, Central/South Florida, etc.). The adjustment would be a difficult one for you--even though you claim you love hot weather--because people in those areas wouldn't tolerate your constant stereotyping, sweeping generalizations, and overall pessimistic/negative/ignorant/pompous attitude. Not only would you have a difficult time making friends, but you'd have difficulty finding a partner as well, which is one of the primary reasons why you want to relocate in the first place. Furthermore, you seem introverted and sheltered, and I think people such as yourself thrive more so in areas with cold weather and unfriendly, reserved locals such as Connecticut.
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Old 03-09-2014, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,119,247 times
Reputation: 7075
Quote:
Originally Posted by 8to32characters View Post
First of all, Northern California is nothing like Southern California, and if you've never been to Northern California, how can you possibly claim to know what it's like?

Second of all, you clearly didn't read my previous post. I advised you check out the East Bay Area where it's warmer/sunnier, less congested, and less pretentious/judgmental. I also recommended the Sacramento area as well, which is even hotter, less congested, and less pretentious/judgmental than the East Bay, but clearly, you just skipped right over those recommendations.

FAIAP, you should probably stay where you or move back to the Hartford area. You're a native New Englander at heart, and you don't really remind me of someone who would fit in warmer weather areas (e.g., Southern California, Central/Southern Arizona, Southern Nevada, Central/South Florida, etc.). The adjustment would be a difficult one for you--even though you claim you love hot weather--because people in those areas wouldn't tolerate your constant stereotyping, sweeping generalizations, and overall pessimistic/negative/ignorant/pompous attitude. Not only would you have a difficult time making friends, but you'd have difficulty finding a partner as well, which is one of the primary reasons why you want to relocate in the first place. Furthermore, you seem introverted and sheltered, and I think people such as yourself thrive more so in areas with cold weather and unfriendly, reserved locals such as Connecticut.
Yeah well I can't stand it here, even though the people talk the same as me (no accent). Maybe I could try a southern or Midwestern area again. I tried Charlotte a year ago and didn't like it much. Some places I have in mind are Columbus, Indianapolis, Buffalo, Rochester, Raleigh, Sacramento, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Providence, Pittsburgh, Omaha, etc.

You have to understand that it's hard for a New Englander to fit in anywhere else in the U.S., except for maybe the mid Atlantic states and FL. I don't know anyone who has done it and loved it.

But soon I will be old (30) so maybe relocating is no longer a good idea. My family is pressuring me to settle down and buy a house right here, right now. But I don't want to.
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Old 03-09-2014, 03:48 PM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,469 posts, read 14,312,551 times
Reputation: 23254
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
You have to understand that it's hard for a New Englander to fit in anywhere else in the U.S., except for maybe the mid Atlantic states and FL. I don't know anyone who has done it and loved it.
Hmmm... we have several New Englanders on the TN forum who seem to fit in quite nicely and actually enjoy living there.
You need to realize it's not the fact that you are from New England that makes it difficult to fit in, it's the the fact that you personally are unwilling or unable to adapt. You seem to be very uncomfortable with things being different from what you are used to.
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Old 03-09-2014, 04:40 PM
 
Location: northern Vermont - previously NM, WA, & MA
9,425 posts, read 18,324,231 times
Reputation: 11902
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Hmmm... we have several New Englanders on the TN forum who seem to fit in quite nicely and actually enjoy living there.
You need to realize it's not the fact that you are from New England that makes it difficult to fit in, it's the the fact that you personally are unwilling or unable to adapt. You seem to be very uncomfortable with things being different from what you are used to.
Agree 100%. I've spent most of life in Massachusetts and I love living in the Southwest. Adapting wasn't hard. Going back to New England and re-adapting would be more difficult.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
the heart of the issue here is should I leave the area and quit my job? Or should I stay and deal with it, even though I hate it? I mean.....I really don't like it here at all. It's just too hectic, uber expensive, extreme traffic, and a very thinned out gay population. I feel like I will be single forever, here. But the lesson that I learned over the past year is that it's more important to be happy with where I live than be happy with my job. I work to live, not live to work.
Well nep, since your thread discussions tend to frequently generate the response of "stay in Connecticut" since you don't seem very willing to adapt to anywhere outside of New England, I'd suggest either...

A: Find a better town/city to live in within a reasonable distance to work.
or
B: Go back to the Hartford area and find a similar job.

If you love your job, then you are very fortunate so be grateful for that and figure out a way to make it work out. You don't have to scapegoat geography and your surroundings all the time. Being able to find a relationship is a personal thing, geography not as a much as you project it to be.

Last edited by Desert_SW_77; 03-09-2014 at 04:52 PM..
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