U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > General U.S.
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-27-2014, 08:41 PM
 
478 posts, read 648,781 times
Reputation: 492

Advertisements

I've been wrangling with something recently. Does being unhappy about living in a place inherently mean that the person is themself the problem? Usually, when faced with being unhappy somewhere, it becomes a question of what I'm doing wrong: am I not being social, am I not looking for the positive, do I have unrealistic standards etc. However, I honestly think that I'm addressing these things, and still feel unhappy about living in a place.

Have you ever experienced unhappiness about living in a place that went away when you moved (ie it was actually the place that was bringing you down, as opposed to your own perspective on it)?

Thanks!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-27-2014, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Savannah GA
13,420 posts, read 16,956,571 times
Reputation: 9512
Yes, living in a place you don't like can make you unhappy. Miserable, actually. But an awful lot of people are simply unhappy and would be miserable anywhere.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-27-2014, 10:49 PM
 
Location: Near L.A.
4,114 posts, read 9,227,700 times
Reputation: 3346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Newsboy View Post
Yes, living in a place you don't like can make you unhappy. Miserable, actually. But an awful lot of people are simply unhappy and would be miserable anywhere.
True dat.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-27-2014, 11:00 PM
 
17 posts, read 14,748 times
Reputation: 19
Im going throug something similar and made a post on it. I think the short answer to your question -

Quote:
Does being unhappy about living in a place inherently mean that the person is themself the problem?
Is yes, but not necessarily in a negative way. People outgrow places. Places either evolve around us or stay the same, and i think both scenarios can be very frustrating. If nothing is tying you strongly enough to a place, bail. The second part of your question -

Quote:
Have you ever experienced unhappiness about living in a place that went away when you moved (ie it was actually the place that was bringing you down, as opposed to your own perspective on it)?
I can say i have. I was happy for a while but once the honeymoon was over and i took stock, i moved to pastures new. As i got older those decisions became more calculated, but exploring new places is always going to be exciting to me, until i find somewhere that gives me a reason to stay.


On that note, feel free to weigh in on my thread and lend some advice on where my next move may be!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-27-2014, 11:40 PM
 
8 posts, read 6,608 times
Reputation: 10
I do think that the general personality of a place can color someone's mood negatively. @Newsboy is also right though, there will be people who are always miserable.

For instance, if you are of a certain ethnic background and move to a conservative, racist, predominantly one race type of environment, you will not feel like you fit in. If you are financially well-off but move to a poor county, you will probably not feel like you fit in. It's for this reason that cities are generally so popular, because you can find all sorts of people who tend to be more open-minded to different people and their various experiences.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 04:42 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
3,144 posts, read 2,826,606 times
Reputation: 2858
Cities change. Pittsburgh is the new Williamsburg, Denver, Asheville, Portland, etc. Some, including myself, are beginning to resent the change because the city has lost its working class mojo. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with us. The problem is the trendiness fad.

Some of us are moving away. Leaving a situation can be a positive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2014, 06:12 AM
 
21,188 posts, read 30,359,201 times
Reputation: 19627
Quote:
Originally Posted by ktaadin View Post
I've been wrangling with something recently. Does being unhappy about living in a place inherently mean that the person is themself the problem? Usually, when faced with being unhappy somewhere, it becomes a question of what I'm doing wrong: am I not being social, am I not looking for the positive, do I have unrealistic standards etc. However, I honestly think that I'm addressing these things, and still feel unhappy about living in a place.

Have you ever experienced unhappiness about living in a place that went away when you moved (ie it was actually the place that was bringing you down, as opposed to your own perspective on it)?

Thanks!
People love to blame the person but the situation often involves surroundings. If one is in a city/area where the norm does not reflect a person's interests or values, of course life can become miserable and unless you're able (or wanting) to adapt to those surroundings....won't change until you move.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-29-2014, 12:24 PM
 
19 posts, read 17,312 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by kyle19125 View Post
People love to blame the person but the situation often involves surroundings. If one is in a city/area where the norm does not reflect a person's interests or values, of course life can become miserable and unless you're able (or wanting) to adapt to those surroundings....won't change until you move.
I would go a bit further than you here...I think "locals" and natives love to blame a transplant or a newcomer if they are the ones that may be unhappy. Also, understand being unhappy is not congruent with being miserable. Certainly unhappiness can transform into misery, but not necessarily so, or all of the time.

I found that locals view criticisms from transplants, as if they are venting their unhappiness, ergo misery.
Many times the locals truly expect you to be pleased as punch as they are, even when you see and know glaring deficiencies about the city around you. The locals however are sometimes impervious to your valid criticisms about things that may make you unhappy being around them, or seeing them, hearing them or experiencing them.

That was the case when I moved with my job at FedEx to Memphis, TN. All of the backward racism, racist politics, poor education, bad unhealthy food, poor shopping, and general narrow attitudes, and Mississippi-like culture didn't reflect my values or my interests, or religion.

Was I miserable ? well no. Was I unhappy with my surroundings in numerous socio-cultural/academic/political ways ?? well yes. To me, it was quite behind the times, if not downright primitive by my own standards and expectations.

So I planned my escape to better surroundings in 2 different cities which were far more progressive, thoughtful and advanced in my opinion. Now, no more disappointment or disgust about the community that I live in, thus much less unhappiness. They can have Memphis TN and be happy in it. I would never return with FedEx there, nor would I tell any of my friends or neighbors to consider moving there either. Life is too short to live in a personally repressive environment that conflicts with your standards, and values - or doesn't meet your reasonable expectations.

If you're unhappy and really stuck in a city (like Memphis), then I feel sorry for you if you have no options, because that would lead to personal, true misery, not mere unhappiness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-29-2014, 01:35 PM
 
3,806 posts, read 5,199,282 times
Reputation: 3294
I think a place can make you unhappy. I know I wasn't happy about moving to Savannah, GA, and I started working immediately to find another job because I had no desire to be there. Once I had another job lined up I could see things more objectively, but I hated the place and the idea of living there until I had a way out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-29-2014, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,119,247 times
Reputation: 7075
Yes, a place can make you unhappy. You can do your best to make the best of it, but if it's not a good fit for your personality, lifestyle and desires, then you likely won't ever be happy there. It's kind of like a job. You can do your best to have a good attitude about it and look at the positive, but there are a handful of external forces that could make you miserable, such as a manager, company policy, workload, drama or whatever.

I am in this situation right now, with where I live. I moved here to Fairfield County, CT last year and absolutely despise the place, for various reasons. Now that I have a more nationwide perspective on various places in this country, I can honestly say that my negative feelings toward this area are completely valid. It just doesn't jive with my personality and desired lifestyle.

Let's use an extreme example. Suppose that someone LOVES city life and loves energy, people and things going on all the time. Do you really think that this person would be happy living in a remote area that's calm, lightly populated and has nothing going on? No matter how much the person may try to make the best of things they will always be longing for something that is more aligned with their personal desires.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > General U.S.
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top