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Old 08-05-2014, 11:13 AM
 
47 posts, read 48,245 times
Reputation: 37

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The spoilt childs father doesnt work. He is remarried and he stayes home and his new wife works two jobs and provides as he stays home mixing music.
The other kids do things I ask them to do. Not out of fear but out of sense that as a family, people do things together.

So untill i put in time, I should expect my week off every month to be waking up, cleaning up house after kids mess, sweep, mop floors from spilt drinks at night as they played vid games,run clothes into washer, put them in driers, fold them and put them away. They make pizzas and all, and when they are done, I should go behind them and clean up their mess all over ovens an dmicrowaves and kitchen tops. Take out the trash. Then go back clean up living room, make up beds, and clean kitchen again from mess at 4 pm, then get dinner started so that when she comes home she finds a clean house and dinner. After dinner after I have cooked, clean kitchen again and then go to bed.


And putting in time can mean a year or two. I am sorry, I was taught to respect adults not just my parents. This is not the way I was brought up. And when their friends come over too, I should just clean up the mess too quietly like a good daddy?

But when they ask me " can we go to the city pool?" I should keep dropping them off and providing entrance money and for snacks too. Untill ive earned my time!
And every pay day im supposed to go shop for things that are needed, like food etc. Come weekends, get the mower and do lawn and expect no help at all.
16,13,9 year old boys.

So I should not ask them to do anything even take trash out as i clean kitchen, cook, clean house, mop theiur mess, sweep their mess ? I must call their mom at work and tell her to tell them on phone to take out trash? Really????????
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Old 08-05-2014, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Pure Michigan!
4,348 posts, read 7,440,274 times
Reputation: 6785
Truth: you are in a bad situation. Your girlfriend is using you and her kids do not respect you at all. She is not much of a mother either, to have a guy move in with her with little regard for how her kids feel about it and then telling them that this latest boyfriend is allowed to give them orders, even though he has not built a relationship or become a father figure to them at all. It sounds like she just wants someone to take the load off of her so that she can take it easy and you have fallen into her trap.

I would seriously consider getting out of this mess before any more damage is done to you or those poor kids.
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Old 08-05-2014, 11:40 AM
 
421 posts, read 468,188 times
Reputation: 390
I agree, you have no authority with her kids. You aren't even their step dad yet.

I don't know if your gf is being passive aggressive by ignoring you. Seems like something to talk to her about.
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Old 08-05-2014, 11:51 AM
 
421 posts, read 468,188 times
Reputation: 390
And...its your choice to move in with her, to share bills, etc. The kids didn't get a choice. Best you can do is be like an uncle or a much older brother. Get to know them, be humble, etc. And set the gf straight on who is in charge of them.

Also your choice is driving them places, etc. Try this "I would love to give you a ride to the mall, I can do that when you finish the chore your mom assigned". And stick to it.
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Old 08-05-2014, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Between amicable and ornery
1,099 posts, read 1,454,849 times
Reputation: 1477
Yeah, seems like she has different rules than you. Have you two spoke about what iis expected of the kids then with the kids? Then to put a 13 year old pre-puberty boy into the mix. You've got problems.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:14 PM
 
47 posts, read 48,245 times
Reputation: 37
I was not just a guy who moved in with her. We have been dating for years now. We are just about to get engaged. Its not like I met her last week and moved in yesterday.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:22 PM
 
47 posts, read 48,245 times
Reputation: 37
We have spoken with the kids and they agreed to do chores. They even assigned themslves chores each saying il do this the other saying ill do that.
I never made him wash kitchen. That was the role he decided was his. I was bbquing with the oldest as the youngest cleaned rooms. I merely asked him to wash dishes( as he had said was his task), but said flat out he wouldnt do.

Oldest pointed out that the youngest was cleaning rooms. He was bbquing with me and making salad and a cake was in the oven that he the 16 yr was making.

The spoilt one and laziest decided he wasnt going to follow through on his chores por help around the house. I wasnt ordering them like a dictator. We were doing things as a family.
And the way ive put it is, lets all help clean house so when mom comes in at 5 pm from work, she doesnt have to clean house an ddo laundry and cook. It would be a pleasant surprise for her to be coming in and just shower eat and relax. It doesnt take years to clean rooms.

The other kids have no problem whats so ever. I am not a stranger who just moved in with their mom. They know me. Their fathers are not in their lives since they were like months old.
Im the dad they know.

My concern is that middle child. He can get away with tasks by blaming the other kids and making his sibling slook bad. He has had his mother have his oldest brother move out since he was 12, to live with his grandmother.

Last night the oldest had a man to man with me and cried tears. He said he finds it most disturbing that he gets sent to live with grandma cause the middle one doesnt want him there as they fight when they are together.

This middle one doesnt have to do chores and he will go sit with momma( 13 YEARS OLD) and she will take him and buy him shakes as other kids clean.

He will make a mess and the other kids are told to clean up.

He wont get up and go to school yet when she starts getting into legal trouble I will take care of it. He will play video games until 3 am and be loud about it.

If he gets upset he can kick down our door and threaten to harm his brothers. She doesnt control it she goes after him and assures him all will be okay.

He is the one who does nothing in the house but expects us to ALL run around after him.

This is what im saying.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:27 PM
 
47 posts, read 48,245 times
Reputation: 37
There is no school bus out here and school is 10 minute walk. So she will drop them off on way to work. I work later in the day.
All the other kids will get up and get dressed. He will REFUSE to listen to his mom when she says get up. She will leave him sleeping. He leaves home 10 minutes till time. Sometimes getting late. Or asking me to ake up and drop him off.

If he pours ketchup on his shirt, she will call me and tell me to go drop him off a shirt. Or if im out of town or at work she will rush out of work and rush him a shirt so that he doesnt have to wear a ketchup stained shirt till schools out at 3 pm.

He is mamas special baby. He can do whatever he wants. The other kids dont have a problem . We relate well like dad and kids. We all go family outings and dinner. They dont have dads in their lives. I make birthdays happen. Etc. I do everything a dad does. I love them, they are not mine but I love them like my own. The others recognize this.

Im having trouble getting the others to follow through on chores now cause they say if he doesnt pick up his load they are tired of picking after him.

This is my dilemna
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Between amicable and ornery
1,099 posts, read 1,454,849 times
Reputation: 1477
Well said. Sounds like he is the black sheep. Sounds like momma needs to get his arse is line. Idk if she can though. Manboys are a challenge. I'd seek somebody with experience. It sounds like she doesn't enforce what you think is best for this problem child and the daddy is in no position to do it either. Is there someone who he respects that could be his mentor or special father figure? I do t see a good outcome for this child if he isn't corrected.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:56 PM
 
47 posts, read 48,245 times
Reputation: 37
Dear Max,

no there is no one. I see a bleak future for him. I asked him what will happen when you grow up and go to work and a co worker annoys you. He said he would punch his face.

Children must respect elders. The notion that only their parent can tell them something is odd. They have to listen to teachers dont they? We respect our bosses and they ask us to do things yet our bosses are not our parents.
How about sleep overs. Of he goes and makes a mess there,can the host dad or mom ask him and their child to clean up? What if he says you are not my larent?
The notion that kids can't be asked to do anything cause they are not yours is not one I agree with. I was raised to respect adults.
This child wont do anything. His mother demands nothing of him. He has said he will move in with his siblings when they get houses and they refused.
Max, he is so dirty he leaves food in couches,the other day we found maggots. I can't tell him not to eat on the couch anymore?
I'm not okay with everyone picking up their slack but him,and him getting away with it.
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