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My husband is a software engineer in San Francisco and after 8 yrs here we are looking to leave for greener pastures. Somewhere with an IT job market, a better COL, four seasons, politer people and decent schools (we have a soon to be 5 yo on the spectrum). Or if not exactly 4 seasons then at least a white winter? The congestion and COL here in the SF Bay Area are just insane and not worth it. Can't wait to get out of here.
The only IT markets outside of the SF Bay Area that I know of are Seattle and Austin neither of which really fit the bill, I don't think?
You might be surprised to know that IT is a big part of the auto industry especially as cars become more computerized. Detroit has a good amount of IT job openings right now and the COL is about half that of San Francisco. It'll be pretty easy for you to move into a suburb with pretty good schools as well as experience 4 seasons.
Try the Washington DC metro area. Plenty of tech jobs in both government and private industry, plenty of suburban areas with decent schools, somewhat to far less expensive than the Bay Area, depending on which area
^This. Minneapolis checks most everything on your checklist.
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