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Old 05-01-2015, 06:49 PM
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11,386 posts, read 10,542,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Maybe I'll think about CLE again. Not sure why so many native gays there are pessimistic about CLE, but I certainly enjoyed my visit. But whenever I mention moving to CLE to someone I know, their reaction is usually something like this:

But if I tell people that I want to move to Florida, their reaction is this:
But this is about you, isn't it? Not other people. Also, I would have to chime in and say you are looking perfection and that doesn't exist. Who cares what the people of your orientation say about Cleveland, shouldn't you let your own experience decide that? It's very possible that they are looking for something different in a city than you are. Maybe they'd rather live in sunny Florida and not have some of the things that are important to you in a city.

If you really liked Cleveland that much aside from the comments made by locals there, and a few other minor things, then you should move there. You can't really be nitpicking every single detail. Someone mentioned how you didn't go for a job somewhere because you didn't like the landscape of the exterior, I don't remember that but I do remember how you were asking people on the Phoenix forum detailed questions about how the air conditioning worked in office buildings...questions that went way beyond the "Is Phoenix for me? Should I move there?" questions.

I think you know this by now, but the place you are looking for absolutely does not exist. Be prepared to compromise on a few things or be in this circle forever.
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Old 05-01-2015, 07:36 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,152,325 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PDF View Post
But this is about you, isn't it? Not other people. Also, I would have to chime in and say you are looking perfection and that doesn't exist. Who cares what the people of your orientation say about Cleveland, shouldn't you let your own experience decide that? It's very possible that they are looking for something different in a city than you are. Maybe they'd rather live in sunny Florida and not have some of the things that are important to you in a city.

If you really liked Cleveland that much aside from the comments made by locals there, and a few other minor things, then you should move there. You can't really be nitpicking every single detail. Someone mentioned how you didn't go for a job somewhere because you didn't like the landscape of the exterior, I don't remember that but I do remember how you were asking people on the Phoenix forum detailed questions about how the air conditioning worked in office buildings...questions that went way beyond the "Is Phoenix for me? Should I move there?" questions.

I think you know this by now, but the place you are looking for absolutely does not exist. Be prepared to compromise on a few things or be in this circle forever.
Well, my general concern was that office buildings in warm/hot climate places would crank the AC up so high that I would be freezing at work. I remember one time on business I was in Atlanta and it was hot outside, but inside the building it was ASS cold because they cranked the AC to the max. I hope this is not the norm in office buildings in the southern U.S. I hate being cold in the office.

As for Cleveland, most people don't understand why I would like to live there. Even Cleveland natives have a hard time believing that someone would want to move to their city/metro. I've experienced this first hand. I don't know...it's kind of like a red flag. I've never visited a place where so many of the natives are advising outsiders to not move to their area, as I have in CLE. There are maybe one or two guys who were passionate about it and are making good effort to convince me to move there. But most of the other guys are simply perplexed as to why I would want to move to CLE or Ohio in general. My east coast friends and family think CLE is an odd choice, also.

I noticed that people tend to be most "supportive" when I entertain the idea of moving to Florida. To most people, moving to Florida is seen as an acceptable choice. Or California. Or NYC. Or Boston. Basically, places that people take vacations to are considered acceptable.

The vast majority of my friends or family would not quite understand why the Great Lakes region appeals to me. It's just kind of discouraging when you don't have the "approval" of friends and family.
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Old 05-01-2015, 07:59 PM
 
Location: sumter
8,631 posts, read 5,407,294 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desert_SW_77 View Post
I can't believe he went there. I'm so embarrassed for him right now.
I totally agree, I'm embarrassed for him as well. Why would op figure people here need to know that much about him. That was tacky and classless to have gone there. Some things you just have to keep to yourself.
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Old 05-01-2015, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,152,325 times
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I see a nice job posting in Boca Raton that pays $65K-80K, which is roughly what I make now in Stamford, CT. Do you think that's enough for a single person to live in South FL, despite the high cost of living there?
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Old 05-01-2015, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,704,584 times
Reputation: 35450
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Well, my general concern was that office buildings in warm/hot climate places would crank the AC up so high that I would be freezing at work. I remember one time on business I was in Atlanta and it was hot outside, but inside the building it was ASS cold because they cranked the AC to the max. I hope this is not the norm in office buildings in the southern U.S. I hate being cold in the office.

As for Cleveland, most people don't understand why I would like to live there. Even Cleveland natives have a hard time believing that someone would want to move to their city/metro. I've experienced this first hand. I don't know...it's kind of like a red flag. I've never visited a place where so many of the natives are advising outsiders to not move to their area, as I have in CLE. There are maybe one or two guys who were passionate about it and are making good effort to convince me to move there. But most of the other guys are simply perplexed as to why I would want to move to CLE or Ohio in general. My east coast friends and family think CLE is an odd choice, also.

I noticed that people tend to be most "supportive" when I entertain the idea of moving to Florida. To most people, moving to Florida is seen as an acceptable choice. Or California. Or NYC. Or Boston. Basically, places that people take vacations to are considered acceptable.

The vast majority of my friends or family would not quite understand why the Great Lakes region appeals to me. It's just kind of discouraging when you don't have the "approval" of friends and family.
You stated on the Cleveland forum you were mostly concerned about the financial loss you would be taking because your wages would be less if you moved to Cleveland and that was a big reason you did not want to relocate there. So if that's your reason fine, but don't put it on the opinion of others.

Why do you need anyone else's approval for your choices anyway? When I moved to Portland back in the 70's everyone in Chicago thought I was certifiably nuts. But it was my life, not theirs. I moved and was very happy until Portland changed so much I couldn't live there any longer. Mainly it was just too darn expensive. Lots of elderly people like myself are getting pushed out.

So off to Cleveland I decided to go last year. People in Portland said I was nuts. When I told some people on the Portland forum on CD They actually PM'd me nasty comments about how insane I was to leave their wonderful city for such an "awful" one.

So what? See my status in the title box. "Happy In Cleveland." That's what I am and nuts to them. I have twice the apartment for half the money here with extra to burn and enjoy myself. The Cleveland natives I meet are amused that I moved from West to East because it's usually the other way around. They have no problem believing I wanted to move to their city because they are proud of the improvements being made here. They are flattered I chose their city. I get this response all the time. It's always positive. They have hope for the future of their city.

If I cared what other people thought of my decisions, I would still be back in Chicago and never would have had the adventures I have had and wouldn't that have been just a shame. My advice: "Don't listen to other people, whose life is it anyway?"
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Old 05-01-2015, 09:04 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,152,325 times
Reputation: 7075
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
You stated on the Cleveland forum you were mostly concerned about the financial loss you would be taking because your wages would be less if you moved to Cleveland and that was a big reason you did not want to relocate there. So if that's your reason fine, but don't put it on the opinion of others.

Why do you need anyone else's approval for your choices anyway? When I moved to Portland back in the 70's everyone in Chicago thought I was certifiably nuts. But it was my life, not theirs. I moved and was very happy until Portland changed so much I couldn't live there any longer. Mainly it was just too darn expensive. Lots of elderly people like myself are getting pushed out.

So off to Cleveland I decided to go last year. People in Portland said I was nuts. When I told some people on the Portland forum on CD They actually PM'd me nasty comments about how insane I was to leave their wonderful city for such an "awful" one.

So what? See my status in the title box. "Happy In Cleveland." That's what I am and nuts to them. I have twice the apartment for half the money here with extra to burn and enjoy myself. The Cleveland natives I meet are amused that I moved from West to East because it's usually the other way around. They have no problem believing I wanted to move to their city because they are proud of the improvements being made here. They are flattered I chose their city. I get this response all the time. It's always positive. They have hope for the future of their city.

If I cared what other people thought of my decisions, I would still be back in Chicago and never would have had the adventures I have had and wouldn't that have been just a shame. My advice: "Don't listen to other people, whose life is it anyway?"
WOW that's very rude of them (in bold, above)!

Everything you said makes a lot of sense, Minervah. I don't take your advice with a grain of salt.
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Old 05-02-2015, 05:31 AM
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11,386 posts, read 10,542,509 times
Reputation: 6606
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Well, my general concern was that office buildings in warm/hot climate places would crank the AC up so high that I would be freezing at work. I remember one time on business I was in Atlanta and it was hot outside, but inside the building it was ASS cold because they cranked the AC to the max. I hope this is not the norm in office buildings in the southern U.S. I hate being cold in the office.

As for Cleveland, most people don't understand why I would like to live there. Even Cleveland natives have a hard time believing that someone would want to move to their city/metro. I've experienced this first hand. I don't know...it's kind of like a red flag. I've never visited a place where so many of the natives are advising outsiders to not move to their area, as I have in CLE. There are maybe one or two guys who were passionate about it and are making good effort to convince me to move there. But most of the other guys are simply perplexed as to why I would want to move to CLE or Ohio in general. My east coast friends and family think CLE is an odd choice, also.

I noticed that people tend to be most "supportive" when I entertain the idea of moving to Florida. To most people, moving to Florida is seen as an acceptable choice. Or California. Or NYC. Or Boston. Basically, places that people take vacations to are considered acceptable.

The vast majority of my friends or family would not quite understand why the Great Lakes region appeals to me. It's just kind of discouraging when you don't have the "approval" of friends and family.
You're around 30 years old, right? You shouldn't need approval. People move everyday to cities that suit them. Don't let other people's opinion prevent you from moving to where you want to live.
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Old 05-02-2015, 05:41 PM
 
161 posts, read 182,215 times
Reputation: 128
NEP, looking? into? Kidding. I can't help but joke on you for that.

I do feel your struggle since i'm in the same boat being 30 and gay in an area that isn't a gay mecca. I'm in Raleigh-Durham. It's not a terrible place for dating especially since people move here all the time but it still lags way behind larger cities. I decided i'm moving to Chicago this summer. Possibly moving without a job. Life is short, you might as well move somewhere you'd be happier. I picked Chicago because it has a sizable gay population and other things I value (walkable neighborhoods, transit, parks, bike trail on the lake, large airport, great architecture, museums, etc).

An important thing to keep in mind is city/region size doesn't always correspond with gay population. I think that growing regions tend to have larger gay populations in the mid twenties-mid thirties.

I think Columbus and Minneapolis are probably your best choices out of what you listed. They are most similar in culture to Connecticut, relatively affordable, have solid economies and are growing cities bringing new people in all the time. I don't see you connecting with a lot of the gay culture in Atlanta since the guys are mostly from the southeast. Hell, I'm from NC and have a hard time with some guys from small southern towns. I doubt you'd like Miami too since it might be too similar to NYC/LA where a lot of gay men are especially superficial. Austin isn't really a gay mecca yet. Seattle is too expensive to find what you want in housing. I might have picked Seattle for my move except but I didn't want to be that far from friends and family. Chicago's traffic might be an issue for you, same with people not owning cars and not wanting to venture into the suburbs for dating if that's where you chose to live. I'm kind of surprised Philly doesn't have a larger gay population. I think it loses out to DC and NY. So yea, you should go with Minneapolis or Columbus.
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Old 05-02-2015, 05:45 PM
 
6,611 posts, read 6,942,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tarheel84 View Post
NEP, looking? into? Kidding. I can't help but joke on you for that.

I do feel your struggle since i'm in the same boat being 30 and gay in an area that isn't a gay mecca. I'm in Raleigh-Durham. It's not a terrible place for dating especially since people move here all the time but it still lags way behind larger cities. I decided i'm moving to Chicago this summer. Possibly moving without a job. Life is short, you might as well move somewhere you'd be happier. I picked Chicago because it has a sizable gay population and other things I value (walkable neighborhoods, transit, parks, bike trail on the lake, large airport, great architecture, museums, etc).

An important thing to keep in mind is city/region size doesn't always correspond with gay population. I think that growing regions tend to have larger gay populations in the mid twenties-mid thirties.

I think Columbus and Minneapolis are probably your best choices out of what you listed. They are most similar in culture to Connecticut, relatively affordable, have solid economies and are growing cities bringing new people in all the time. I don't see you connecting with a lot of the gay culture in Atlanta since the guys are mostly from the southeast. Hell, I'm from NC and have a hard time with some guys from small southern towns. I doubt you'd like Miami too since it might be too similar to NYC/LA where a lot of gay men are especially superficial. Austin isn't really a gay mecca yet. Seattle is too expensive to find what you want in housing. I might have picked Seattle for my move except but I didn't want to be that far from friends and family. Chicago's traffic might be an issue for you, same with people not owning cars and not wanting to venture into the suburbs for dating if that's where you chose to live. I'm kind of surprised Philly doesn't have a larger gay population. I think it loses out to DC and NY. So yea, you should go with Minneapolis or Columbus.
Have you been to Chicago in January? Just making sure...it's bitterly cold.

I wouldn't say that most gay men in Atlanta are from the Southeast. They are actually from all over, a lot like the general population of Atlanta. It's a pretty diverse population...and I guess you know that you don't have to be from similar backgrounds to connect with someone - there is much more to it than that.
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Old 05-03-2015, 12:50 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,152,325 times
Reputation: 7075
Quote:
Originally Posted by tarheel84 View Post
NEP, looking? into? Kidding. I can't help but joke on you for that.

I do feel your struggle since i'm in the same boat being 30 and gay in an area that isn't a gay mecca. I'm in Raleigh-Durham. It's not a terrible place for dating especially since people move here all the time but it still lags way behind larger cities. I decided i'm moving to Chicago this summer. Possibly moving without a job. Life is short, you might as well move somewhere you'd be happier. I picked Chicago because it has a sizable gay population and other things I value (walkable neighborhoods, transit, parks, bike trail on the lake, large airport, great architecture, museums, etc).

An important thing to keep in mind is city/region size doesn't always correspond with gay population. I think that growing regions tend to have larger gay populations in the mid twenties-mid thirties.

I think Columbus and Minneapolis are probably your best choices out of what you listed. They are most similar in culture to Connecticut, relatively affordable, have solid economies and are growing cities bringing new people in all the time. I don't see you connecting with a lot of the gay culture in Atlanta since the guys are mostly from the southeast. Hell, I'm from NC and have a hard time with some guys from small southern towns. I doubt you'd like Miami too since it might be too similar to NYC/LA where a lot of gay men are especially superficial. Austin isn't really a gay mecca yet. Seattle is too expensive to find what you want in housing. I might have picked Seattle for my move except but I didn't want to be that far from friends and family. Chicago's traffic might be an issue for you, same with people not owning cars and not wanting to venture into the suburbs for dating if that's where you chose to live. I'm kind of surprised Philly doesn't have a larger gay population. I think it loses out to DC and NY. So yea, you should go with Minneapolis or Columbus.
Glad to hear from someone else in the same boat as me. I feel so stupid and awful for contemplating leaving my family behind in CT and moving to a gay mecca. Almost selfish. My parents are sort of convincing me that it wouldn't make any difference, because I'm 30 now, and that once you're over 30, dating is harder, no matter where you are. They basically want me to stay in CT forever. But my intuition says otherwise. Being 30 is like being at a crossroads. One side of me is trying to convince myself to just give it up and stay and settle in CT and accept lifelong singlehood. The other side of me is saying that I'm still young enough to pursue my goal of finding a partner, even if it means moving somewhere new to try to make conditions more conducive to finding a good match (even if it doesn't work out in the end). I've been struggling with this for a few years now and it has left me in a state of indecision, apprehension and just not knowing what to do. I want my 30's to be as best as can be.

I started my job search about a week ago and have only applied to jobs in CT so far. I received an interview request from one company, but I didn't call back. For some reason, I'm rejecting interview requests here in CT. My friend told me it's because I'm not following my heart. But I just would hate to leave my family behind in CT.
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