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Old 05-03-2015, 02:13 AM
 
Location: Hampden, Bawlmer
49 posts, read 49,904 times
Reputation: 83

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If you base your relocation across the USA simply on who you like to screw, that's foolish.


By the way...you're TINY in all aspects of the word, what's an otter?
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Old 05-03-2015, 05:12 AM
PDF
 
11,386 posts, read 10,542,509 times
Reputation: 6606
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Glad to hear from someone else in the same boat as me. I feel so stupid and awful for contemplating leaving my family behind in CT and moving to a gay mecca. Almost selfish. My parents are sort of convincing me that it wouldn't make any difference, because I'm 30 now, and that once you're over 30, dating is harder, no matter where you are. They basically want me to stay in CT forever. But my intuition says otherwise. Being 30 is like being at a crossroads. One side of me is trying to convince myself to just give it up and stay and settle in CT and accept lifelong singlehood. The other side of me is saying that I'm still young enough to pursue my goal of finding a partner, even if it means moving somewhere new to try to make conditions more conducive to finding a good match (even if it doesn't work out in the end). I've been struggling with this for a few years now and it has left me in a state of indecision, apprehension and just not knowing what to do. I want my 30's to be as best as can be.

I started my job search about a week ago and have only applied to jobs in CT so far. I received an interview request from one company, but I didn't call back. For some reason, I'm rejecting interview requests here in CT. My friend told me it's because I'm not following my heart. But I just would hate to leave my family behind in CT.
nep, 30 isn't that old. Granted, I'm not there yet, but you still have plenty of time to move to a new city and achieve that lifestyle you are looking for. Your first couple sentences of your post worry me. You seem to keep worrying about what other people think. Move somewhere for you and don't look back, otherwise you'll be unhappy forever.
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Old 05-03-2015, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,152,325 times
Reputation: 7075
Quote:
Originally Posted by mr. politically incorrect View Post
If you base your relocation across the USA simply on who you like to screw, that's foolish.


By the way...you're TINY in all aspects of the word, what's an otter?
Yeah I'm a small guy. What does that have to do with anything?
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Old 05-03-2015, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,704,584 times
Reputation: 35450
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDF View Post
nep, 30 isn't that old. Granted, I'm not there yet, but you still have plenty of time to move to a new city and achieve that lifestyle you are looking for. Your first couple sentences of your post worry me. You seem to keep worrying about what other people think. Move somewhere for you and don't look back, otherwise you'll be unhappy forever.
Yes, this. Relocation should have to do with circumstances and need. My first relocation was at age 32 from Chicago to Portland OR in 1978 for adventure and a change of scenery.

My second was last year at age 68 largely for reasons of budget but a change of scenery was also in mind. Was it an easy decision? Not entirely, I even sought the advice of a counselor but I felt it had to be done and in the end, it seems to be working.

Age has nothing to do with it. Other people's opinions have nothing to do with it. Who you sleep with has nothing to do with it. What you want to do with your life has everything to do with. That's what you have to figure out and then go from there.

BTW, if you make a mistake and chose wrong, there are lots of other cities in this vast country. Many people move to several different places before they find the one that suits them best. It's not a crime to move around before you find what works for you.
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Old 05-03-2015, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,685 posts, read 17,651,107 times
Reputation: 27772
Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321 View Post
Yes, I've been to Cleveland and liked it. I think it's a great place and there are plenty of jobs for me. But virtually all of the gays I met and talked with from there seem to complain about how much it sucks. They have made the following comments:

"I think most gays in Cleveland have given up."

"The gays here are trashy and feudal."

"The gays in Cleveland are crazy....no joke."

"There's no one worth dating here."

"Gay bars are closing down and there's only like two left here."

"The gay community in Columbus is much more vibrant than Cleveland."

"It's refreshing to meet someone who has their life together, unlike most gays here in Cleveland."

"Why would you move to Cleveland?! If I were moving somewhere, it wouldn't be Cleveland."

"I hate Cleveland."

They have also repeatedly said that the gay scene sucks and leaves a lot to be desired. So yeah...they basically convinced me to steer clear of Cleveland. Many of them seem to fantasize about moving out of Ohio and to somewhere else like Florida or California. So, I would conclude that Cleveland is a net gay population loser, just like Connecticut. Columbus, for example, would be a net gay population gainer. The gay community of Cleveland just seemed to be rather pessimistic in general, kind of like the gay community here in Connecticut. Although, one native Clevelander (gay) was very optimistic and passionate about Cleveland and he did a wonderful job at showing me around the metro. I did like it, although the roads were HORRIBLE and most areas looked rather gritty and old.

Also, when you look at websites like a4a for Cleveland metro, there's way less guys than one would expect for a metro of 2.1 million. In fact, New Haven, CT has almost as much of a gay population that Cleveland has. Something is wrong with that picture.
There's a lot of negativity around Cleveland nationally (the mistake on the lake) and that probably spills over to the locals. Talking to transplants to Cleveland would probably be the best option.
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Old 05-03-2015, 03:33 PM
 
Location: The canyon (with my pistols and knife)
13,227 posts, read 17,991,900 times
Reputation: 14678
Dude should stay in Hartford. He's too picky and narrow-minded for his own good.
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Old 05-03-2015, 03:43 PM
 
4,997 posts, read 7,329,501 times
Reputation: 7998
being "introverted" is ur issue here. Whether ur introverted in a "gay mecca" or in Connecticut...it's all going to be the same. You're gonna sit on ur computer watching porn and reading forums...

Get out there and create the life u want for yourself. Living in a gay mecca (whatever that is) is not necessarily going to change things for you.
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Old 05-03-2015, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,704,584 times
Reputation: 35450
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
There's a lot of negativity around Cleveland nationally (the mistake on the lake) and that probably spills over to the locals. Talking to transplants to Cleveland would probably be the best option.
I am a Cleveland transplant and I have positive things to say about Cleveland. I chose to live here above other choices.

If you go to the Cleveland Forum on CD, you will see many positive posts and positive posters. I find people I meet here in real life are positive about their city because many good things are happening here. I don't know who Nep is talking to but when he was posting on the Cleveland forum, he was the only one who showed negativity. No one understood where it was coming from because everyone was very encouraging. He even said that he had was working with someone on a job interview. It was his negativity and argumentativeness and nitpicking that drove everyone down. Sorry to say this but it's true.

This negativity of which he is speaking coming from Clevelanders seems to be coming specifically from his gay friends whom he never mentioned when he posted on the Cleveland forum. If that is the case and he feels he would be unhappy because they are unhappy he shouldn't move here. That still puzzles me though because of the very large gay population in Lakewood, the Gay Games in which the Gay community participated and was very supportive as well as was the rest of the community and the fact that there are some very active gay organizations here.

But if he thinks he will be unhappy in Cleveland because of being gay, it probably isn't the place for him.
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Old 05-03-2015, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,152,325 times
Reputation: 7075
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
I am a Cleveland transplant and I have positive things to say about Cleveland. I chose to live here above other choices.

If you go to the Cleveland Forum on CD, you will see many positive posts and positive posters. I find people I meet here in real life are positive about their city because many good things are happening here. I don't know who Nep is talking to but when he was posting on the Cleveland forum, he was the only one who showed negativity. No one understood where it was coming from because everyone was very encouraging. He even said that he had was working with someone on a job interview. It was his negativity and argumentativeness and nitpicking that drove everyone down. Sorry to say this but it's true.

This negativity of which he is speaking coming from Clevelanders seems to be coming specifically from his gay friends whom he never mentioned when he posted on the Cleveland forum. If that is the case and he feels he would be unhappy because they are unhappy he shouldn't move here. That still puzzles me though because of the very large gay population in Lakewood, the Gay Games in which the Gay community participated and was very supportive as well as was the rest of the community and the fact that there are some very active gay organizations here.

But if he thinks he will be unhappy in Cleveland because of being gay, it probably isn't the place for him.
Well, Minervah....then why is it that the gay population of CLE metro is literally half of what it is in Columbus metro, even though both metros are about the same size (based on what I see on internet dating sites)? To me, that's a red flag.
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Old 05-03-2015, 04:58 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
11,145 posts, read 14,152,325 times
Reputation: 7075
Quote:
Originally Posted by OptimusPrime69 View Post
being "introverted" is ur issue here. Whether ur introverted in a "gay mecca" or in Connecticut...it's all going to be the same. You're gonna sit on ur computer watching porn and reading forums...

Get out there and create the life u want for yourself. Living in a gay mecca (whatever that is) is not necessarily going to change things for you.
I disagree...to an extent. When I lived in NYC, even as an introvert, it was quite easy to make friends and meet people, because there are a lot of other transplants in the same boat who are also looking for friends.

Now, here in CT, it's just so.....cliquey and insular. It seems like almost everyone is comfortably settled into their circle of friends and they have little interest in making new friends outside of their circle. CT is a very, very settled environment. People don't really move TO this state....rather they move OUT of this state, if at all.

I have done everything you could imagine....from going to bars, going to a few house parties here and there, and doing the online thing as well. For some reason, I just can't seem to break into a circle of friends. I am often not invited to parties....but sometimes I am....it's weird. Whenever I go out to the bars, most people are in their little groups and don't really care to talk to newcomers, except only on occasion. It's just a very stagnant, settled gay community here in CT.

Yesterday, I was talking with my 28 year old gay brother who also lives here in CT and he expressed the same concerns. We both came to the conclusion that possibly as much as 80% of the native gay population moved out of CT by the time they reached 30 years old or much younger, even.

I feel like as an introvert, it's beneficial to be in a transplant friendly environment, which can sort of assist me in making friends and meeting others. And it's not just a gay thing or whatever. All of what I said above applies to almost anyone.
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