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Old 08-09-2019, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Miami, The Magic City
2,958 posts, read 2,060,364 times
Reputation: 1974

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Great post--thanks for reviving.

Native NY'er, spent 33.5 years and most of my career in CA (SF/Marin for 3 years and SoCal--OC and San Diego--for 30.5 years), before moving back East (Miami) 2 3/4 years ago--with no regrets.

1. Did I feel at home in CA?.....The SF Bay Area was the first place I moved to in CA and only area that felt like home and/or where I could establish roots. I was sad when I left there on a job promotion. The Bay Area was more gritty and had more of/was closer to a NY mentality. SoCal felt more like "Groundhog Day". When I lived in OC it felt as though you could blindfold me, drive me 30 minutes, and I would have a difficult time differentiating one cookie cutter neighborhood from another. Whereas OC was cleaner and had more and better maintained neighborhoods with more clean cut professionals than San Diego it had also had pockets of THE snootiest people I have ever encountered (Newport Beach in particular--though it had its share of wannabes) whereas San Diego was less homogeneous but more dated and grungier.

2. Was it a bittersweet move back East?...no, I moved here by choice. I was fortunate that I worked for the same company for 32 years, traveled extensively and could dictate where I wanted to live after awhile. I got to visit many cities on the company nickel. In the case of Miami, I had come here more than 20 times on business, often adding on vacation days, for 4+ years (not to mention many prior visits) and had a very good feel for the area before moving here.

3. Do I miss it and am I happier now?.....not really. I miss my 5-6 solid friends (mostly fellow transplants) whom I keep in contact with on a weekly basis, but not CA....got tired of the homeless; people; poor infrastructure/aged look of many neighborhoods, and less exciting lifestyle....I moved to Miami from San Diego for the better restaurants, better professional adult nightlife and venues, more clean cut population with greater emphasis on personal grooming, dress code enforcement and style; closer to where I vacation (NYC, Europe and Latin America) with a hub airport; better looking women; more bang for the buck; cleaner, exciting and more modern city; more professional sports teams; and no state income tax. In short, better lifestyle for less cost (though money was never an issue for me in CA).....OC and San Diego did have great gyms and I really miss Scripps--these are about the only things I miss from CA.

4. What were my social relationships like--I will always be a New Yorker, which means I am direct, not a BS'er, punctual, reliable and grounded/down to earth. I found Californians to be almost the complete opposite--frequently late if they showed up, overly PC and hypersensitive to any form of criticism (or sarcasm), less engaging/more aloof, more emphasis on material possessions than personal/career accomplishments, and not as grounded....if you act like an idiot or have an over inflated opinion of yourself in NY or the East Coast there are 4 safety nets that will quickly put you in your place--parents, friends, peers, and strangers. Many, including transplants, reinvent themselves (or run away to create a new life or fantasy) in CA and peddle more bull crap without getting called out for it as people are either more gullible or worried they might offend one another. I also get far more solid advice (financial, other matters) from my East Coast friends whereas I found Californians would try and guilt/embarrass you into thinking you were asking a stupid question via nervous laugh that they did not have an answer to but were afraid to admit (gets back to less direct, less depth).

5. Do I feel different around people who never left the East Coast--yeah, I often go back to Long Island and it seems as though some have not progressed and/or expanded their horizons much. While I am happy to be back East I am grateful to have lived in and experienced different areas of the country.

6. Do I regret and wish I stayed in CA--not really....I opted for a more compact and warm weather urban city than LA and found it in Miami. San Diego was OK, too sleepy and slow, and more a collection of strung together towns that I outgrew after a few years and it was time to move on...if and when I long for suburbia and a more tranquil lifestyle in another 15-20 years I might reconsider CA suburbia over FL suburbia--depends upon area to area comparison....one of the original main benefits of my moving to CA was the weather, but I am not exactly suffering in Miami. While I have to endure 2 more warmer--but tolerable--summer months I gain 4 consistently warmer and more enjoyable winter months. If anything, I found CA weather a bit overrated and Miami weather (IF you live on the water and get breezes, as I do) a bit underrated. Contrary to what some believe, summer in Miami is NOT equivalent to The Forbidden Zone from the original Planet of the Apes.

Last edited by elchevere; 08-09-2019 at 09:10 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Clemson, SC by way of Tyler,TX
4,974 posts, read 3,058,102 times
Reputation: 3484
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOLA101 View Post
CA is definitely more "blingy" than the East Coast. At the least, this is true when comparing LA and NYC metros. People in Corona del Mar or Malibu are more outwardly showy than people in Greenwich or East Hampton. It's hard to explain, but I think most people who have lived in both places know what I mean.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayae View Post
I grew up in Boston and have nownlived in Los Angeles for almost 9 years. I'm still in LA but plan to move back east as soon as my daughter graduates highschool in two years.
I was fortunate enough to have picked the right area of LA for our family. We moved to Topanga Canyon which is a small town a few miles up from the PCH and all of the gorgeous beaches. The beauty here in California is stunning and never gets old. Standing on the beach and looking out to the horizon and the mountains - it's just spectacular. And when my daughter was still young we could spend hours playing in the sand and searching tide pools and it was just so wonderful. And Topanga is a town that literally runs around the school and the kids. It is completely family and community oriented. It's full or artists and hippies and liberals. I honestly can't even remember the last time I saw a man in a suit. Between the hippie vibe up here and the beach vibe down below, we don't run into a lot of corporate America. Which I love. No one dresses up for school pick up or the grocery store and everybody here wants to participate in and help their community. It was extremely easy to be pulled into the community and find endless families to spend time with and be a part of. So many families here are transplants so people are always looking to connect and to help. Where we live is wildly expensive. Most families would not be able to live up here and so there is very limited diversity which has been a big challenge for me. But the quality and depth of relationships I've made for myself and my child have been so important that it sort of makes up for some of that. And even with all of this wonderful - I want to go back east. Here is why -
Though I have made wobd ful connections with wonderful people and hope to have them in my life always, nothing can compare with the connections I have on the east coast. Part of that has to do with growing up there but part of that has to do with some cultural differences. Like - you HAVE to be nice here. You have to speak calmly and with love all-the-time! If you don't, no one is going to tell you to quiet down or be nicer, they will just politely smile at you and try to move away. I grew up in Boston - in a big family - of yellers! I miss being able to have a difference of opinion where we both get too loud and dismiss each other's arguments! I miss when someone will tell you you're being an ass, instead of quietly thinking it but never saying it.
The Weather!! Yes it's true that I often find myself being amazed at how gosh darn PLEASANT it is here. And easy - you never have to put on layers and layers and find lost gloves and slosh through grimy melting snow piles while frigid air blasts you like little shards of glass. BUT - you almost never have any WEATHER! You don't get that absolutely incredible time in fall when the weather cools down and the leaves start looking different and you get that sort of musty fall scent in the air that brings to mind soccer games and going back to school and cider and sweaters. You never get that moment, that specific moment when the air changes and goes from thick and cool to thin and icy and you know - this is the moment winter has arrived. And you pull out your old favorite jacket and get a new pair of boots and wait for the snow. And then it comes full on and it's freezing and everybody is roasting things and boiling cider and when you walk home in the evenings, so cold and a little wet, and you round the corner and see the lights in your building glowing in the windows, steamy and yellow and the whole neighborhood smells like dinner and snow. And your heart skips a little at how excited you are to get inside and she's the layers and warm up with your family. And then the noreasters come and the blizzards and everyone is throwing little parties with specialty cocktails names after the storm and people are rushing to the grocery store to "stock up" before the storm. And we're all in it together. We're all cold and fighting cabin fever by hanging out together for movies and those roasted dinners.
Suddenly being in the ever pleasant always the same weather starts to work against community. It's starts to ebb away at the cozy feeling of home and community.

The SIZE! Los Angeles is like a enormous never ending city. I live on the westside, if I drive to my friends house on the east side, it is literally the equivalent of driving from Boston to New Hampshire. I'm always struck by that here - if I drove for as long as it takes me to get to my dentist out here, in Boston, I would literally be able to drive to another state. I hate that. And it effects relationships because you simply can not be bothered to drive an hour and forty minutes round trip just to go have a drink with a friend for two hours. And by the way - you can only have one drink - with food! Because you know you have to drive home. You can't take the bus or train and a cab is too much. Uber makes it a little more affordable but your looking at at least $15 each way - at least! And that doesn't include the cost of dinner and drinks and babysitter and the hours of travel. So you lose that day to day feeling with any friends whobdont live within your own community.
In Boston - my friends who live far away are usually not more than 5 miles from me. Here - my kids school, in my own town, is almost ten miles away. Don't ever be fooled into thinking things aren't incredibly far apart here - it's bigger than you think. And for me, that makes life too hard. I don't want Mike's and miles and miles to be part of my daily existence.
So to sum up this Incredibly long winded list
West coast is
Too big
Too pleasant
And too nice.

I do worry that I will miss it when I leave. There is an energy here that is nice to be part of and I do love a lot of things and people here.
But I have to live somewhere that changes and shifts. I've come to realize that when you live in a four season climate, it's like having built in permission to have a four season life. With ebbs and flows. With time outside in the sun and time inside with the shades drawn and the lamps on. You get to have days of low energy on the couch watching movies and connecting with friends. It's harder to have those times of quiet and calm and hibernation when the sun is blaring into your windows and the birds are chirping and the sprinklers going - almost every day of the year.
And I have to be in a community that expects me to tell sometimes or be an ass.
I'm actually planning to move to New York instead of back to Boston....it's like the anti LA.
I better stop now...but I will update in a couple years when I move back east. This is too long for me to go back and edit so hopefully there aren't too many typos!
beautiful

Not much I can add but:

*just waiting for that first fall storm, and knowing there's no turning back. It was gonna be cold and you just embraced it.
*watching football in the cold. Just feels better.
*food. Some foods are better in summer, some in winter.
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Old Yesterday, 10:18 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
954 posts, read 427,413 times
Reputation: 460
My mom is from California. She was born in 1963 in a different country and moved to Cali as a 7 year old (1970). She lived in Cali until she finished grad school and met my dad while visiting Jersey City to visit one of my grandfather's friends, which was my dad's aunt. My mom was 29 and my dad was 30 at the time. Married him a year later in 1993 as a 30 year old woman and then she moved to NJ to live with my dad.

My mom does not like the East Coast, but she only moved here, because she married my dad. So she followed the typical Baby Boomer path in life where you give up your personal freedoms and follow your spouses place of residence when you marry them. In my generation, many people move to where they want or to wherever they can afford. I know I am only 21, but my advice is don't get married if you don't want to give up a good location just to live with a spouse. I prefer not to get married at all. I want to move from NJ to the West after college and nothing will stop me. My mom always loves California (climate, scenery, people, etc) and the West Coast is better in her opinion, but she would not want to go back even if my dad dies. She feels settled here.
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Old Today, 09:38 AM
 
993 posts, read 423,754 times
Reputation: 780
Quote:
Originally Posted by potanta View Post
My mom is from California. She was born in 1963 in a different country and moved to Cali as a 7 year old (1970). She lived in Cali until she finished grad school and met my dad while visiting Jersey City to visit one of my grandfather's friends, which was my dad's aunt. My mom was 29 and my dad was 30 at the time. Married him a year later in 1993 as a 30 year old woman and then she moved to NJ to live with my dad.

My mom does not like the East Coast, but she only moved here, because she married my dad. So she followed the typical Baby Boomer path in life where you give up your personal freedoms and follow your spouses place of residence when you marry them. In my generation, many people move to where they want or to wherever they can afford. I know I am only 21, but my advice is don't get married if you don't want to give up a good location just to live with a spouse. I prefer not to get married at all. I want to move from NJ to the West after college and nothing will stop me. My mom always loves California (climate, scenery, people, etc) and the West Coast is better in her opinion, but she would not want to go back even if my dad dies. She feels settled here.
Born in 1963 your Mom barely qualifies as a Boomer. The cutoff is 1964 - everyone born between 1965 and 1980 are Generation X.
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Old Today, 09:48 AM
 
706 posts, read 122,222 times
Reputation: 658
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vincent_Adultman View Post
Born in 1963 your Mom barely qualifies as a Boomer. The cutoff is 1964 - everyone born between 1965 and 1980 are Generation X.
I don't quite get what this had to do with the original post but I wish someone would finally come out and admit those born between 1960 and '64 are not really boomers or gen X. Should be called the "between generations."

In response to the OP, I grew up on the west coast, never became acclimated in the east and so returned as far west as I could get.
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Old Today, 10:18 AM
 
993 posts, read 423,754 times
Reputation: 780
Quote:
Originally Posted by aileesic View Post
I don't quite get what this had to do with the original post but I wish someone would finally come out and admit those born between 1960 and '64 are not really boomers or gen X. Should be called the "between generations."

In response to the OP, I grew up on the west coast, never became acclimated in the east and so returned as far west as I could get.
Just that blindly following your partner across the country and giving everything up as her Mom did was not nearly as common among Gen-Xers as it was among Boomers.

By the way, as someone who was born in 1980 I feel the same is true for those born between 78 and 82. Were not really Gen Xers or Millenials. Ive heard the term Xennials which sounds silly but it accurately captures that group (analog childhood, digital adulthood).
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Old Today, 10:26 AM
 
9,656 posts, read 13,555,743 times
Reputation: 5813
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vincent_Adultman View Post
Just that blindly following your partner across the country and giving everything up as her Mom did was not nearly as common among Gen-Xers as it was among Boomers.

By the way, as someone who was born in 1980 I feel the same is true for those born between 78 and 82. Were not really Gen Xers or Millenials. Ive heard the term Xennials which sounds silly but it accurately captures that group (analog childhood, digital adulthood).
So true. I'm 1981. I don't identify with millennials at all.
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