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Old 02-22-2017, 07:33 AM
 
1,194 posts, read 585,574 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snagers234 View Post
Hi I am in many ways a very unstereotypical black man with a bachelor's degree and I was honestly wondering where a black man like me would fit in best in the United States. Currently living in Washington state and to be honest I am planning on getting out as fast as I can. It seems like in the northwest as soon as you get outside of Seattle or Portland you are in redneck territory. On top of that I don't think these "progressives" are as open minded as one would think and they seem to have very seriously in stone ways of thinking about black men. An educated brother who isn't on the government plantation and is ambitious seems to boggle their mind.

I'm seems like there are enough black men out here that choose a life that is glamorized by the media that in addition to being a ridiculously small percentage of blacks out here that I am fighting a losing battle for the most part.

As far as dating I don't know if I would describe it racism but I have been told I am very good looking plenty of times, but time and time again it seems a woman out here would rather be with a broke, socially awkward white man before even considering being with a brother. I mean there are the overweight fat white women with kids that are always looking and forward at that but that's never been my cup of tea. Seems like most of the good looking black women would rather date a white man out here too.

I'm not trying to come off racist and I have been raised in private schools and a predominately white environment my entire life so it feels a little weird even asking this. My logic is simple, If so many women state "no black men" on their profiles, even in real life they say that they " just don't find them attractive". And this being the majority of good looking white women out here which again is the majority, am I better off looking somewhere else? I'm not saying it's all women out here because some attractive women do approach me and I have had girlfriends out here but it does seem like I am fighting some culturralt forces out here and I have to put in like 5X the effort than I would if I lived in a more suited area.

If so where could this be? I've considered the Cleveland Pittsburgh area but I would love any suggestions if anyone had the time. I don't really care about crime. Lived in or around rougher areas my entire life just don't want to live in a somalia

Cleveland/Pittsburgh? Are you from the old city/metros of the Midwest/Northeast? If not, why are they areas of focus? Is it your job specialty? Family? Can't be money because you live in Seattle, one of the higher end cost metros in north America. Now while Pittsburgh has cleaned up nicely, its not a metro that those under 35, based on any number of demographic studies, have gravitated toward. Its a second level city and destined to be no better in the foreseeable future.


Look to California, Denver, and metro areas from Raleigh to Phoenix. THAT's where the growth in jobs, people and diversity is most notable. I would say NYC, Philly and D.C. but two of those three are jacked for Cost of living. Philly is not too bad but areas of the city look like Syria but at the same time, its noticeably better than 20 years ago.
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Old 02-22-2017, 07:40 AM
 
1,194 posts, read 585,574 times
Reputation: 938
Quote:
Originally Posted by citylove101 View Post
I think you should make a choice of where to live based on 1) where you can find good-paying work (you don't say what your field is), 2) where you can also find a diverse population with a fair number of middle-class black people (for the psychic comfort as well as the dating pool) and 3) what size city you want to be in.

I don't know Cleveland or Pittsburgh at all, but it seems as if you're looking for smaller cities, so maybe I'd also check out some larger, more diverse, relatively liberal college towns like Ann Arbor MI, Ithaca NY, Cambridge MA, Evanston IL. or Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill in North Carolina, which is obviously a region and not a single town.

I also don't know a lot of smaller cities really well, but the ones I've either been to or heard good things about include Columbus, Denver, Minneapolis, Oakland, Baltimore, and Providence.

Of course if you want big cities there are plenty to choose from. Just round up the usual suspects: Atlanta, DC, Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, New York, Phoenix, Los Angeles...It would be just a matter of preferences around weather, culture, distance from family, urban amenities, etc. But you'd likely find the life you want in the right neighborhood in any of these cities once you found the right employment.

But there are plenty of folks everywhere that have some bad preconceived notions of what black folk are supposed to be. Unfortunately, in America there is no escaping that.


College towns for a grown man seem to have a limited pool of talent.
Baltimore ..NO. Its why everyone tries to get to D.C.
Oakland/S.F. Bay area...hope your money is huge - one bedroom apts are at $2,200 are the norm. Plus high gas prices and state taxes.


Chicago ...the only downside is the crime first. Winters can be ruthless.


By the way, Florida has its weather and relative good cost of living but economically, its a limited state with focus of tourism and the retirement industry.
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Old 02-22-2017, 07:48 AM
 
9,948 posts, read 6,881,760 times
Reputation: 4221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snagers234 View Post
Hi I am in many ways a very unstereotypical black man with a bachelor's degree and I was honestly wondering where a black man like me would fit in best in the United States. Currently living in Washington state and to be honest I am planning on getting out as fast as I can. It seems like in the northwest as soon as you get outside of Seattle or Portland you are in redneck territory. On top of that I don't think these "progressives" are as open minded as one would think and they seem to have very seriously in stone ways of thinking about black men. An educated brother who isn't on the government plantation and is ambitious seems to boggle their mind.

I'm seems like there are enough black men out here that choose a life that is glamorized by the media that in addition to being a ridiculously small percentage of blacks out here that I am fighting a losing battle for the most part.

As far as dating I don't know if I would describe it racism but I have been told I am very good looking plenty of times, but time and time again it seems a woman out here would rather be with a broke, socially awkward white man before even considering being with a brother. I mean there are the overweight fat white women with kids that are always looking and forward at that but that's never been my cup of tea. Seems like most of the good looking black women would rather date a white man out here too.

I'm not trying to come off racist and I have been raised in private schools and a predominately white environment my entire life so it feels a little weird even asking this. My logic is simple, If so many women state "no black men" on their profiles, even in real life they say that they " just don't find them attractive". And this being the majority of good looking white women out here which again is the majority, am I better off looking somewhere else? I'm not saying it's all women out here because some attractive women do approach me and I have had girlfriends out here but it does seem like I am fighting some culturralt forces out here and I have to put in like 5X the effort than I would if I lived in a more suited area.

If so where could this be? I've considered the Cleveland Pittsburgh area but I would love any suggestions if anyone had the time. I don't really care about crime. Lived in or around rougher areas my entire life just don't want to live in a somalia
I don't know.....but it seems to me that you might have problems wherever you go. You might be setting yourself up for failure by looking for white "supermodels". I also find it hard to believe that there is a place where there are not a lot of single black women looking, even salivating, for a "good black man", but if you treat and look at them like they are on some mythical "government plantation", then you likely do not have much respect for them and you are probably not really that interested in them.

If you have been told that you are a VERY good looking guy and you are having problems with the ladies.....I am sorry....but the problem is not going to be solved by relocating. I think the problem will be best resolved from the inside out.....not the outside in. Just sayin....
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Old 02-22-2017, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Washington D.C. By way of Texas
18,637 posts, read 27,042,193 times
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Originally Posted by annie_himself View Post
Hahaha thats funny
Why is that funny?
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Old 02-22-2017, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Seattle
56 posts, read 32,496 times
Reputation: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indentured Servant View Post
I don't know.....but it seems to me that you might have problems wherever you go. You might be setting yourself up for failure by looking for white "supermodels"
If you read the original post I'm pretty sure I mentioned that most of the desirable women of other races as well as of my own race seem to always choose a lighter skinned man out here. Not searching for supermodels. I just refuse to be with the many large women who seem to chase after black men. I don't care what color they are. But Seattle is also one of the whitest cities and I could go days without seeing another minority if I wasn't working in an engineering firm. If the majority of attractive women show an aversion to dating a black male in my location it seems that I can change my location to something a little more suitable.

I would love to be with a woman of my own race, but if they refuse to date anything other than a white man. It seems I have to go interracial. Seattle is primed as one of the great interracial dating havens but having lived here I can tell you that this is mostly white men getting women of other races.

Also my government plantation comment was the observation of some blacks in the Seattle area. I do have respect for them but at the same time it seems like black women in the Seattle area come in two forms... Completely ghetto or the extreme on the other end to where they would even consider a black male. Notice how I didnt use the term "whitewash" as I have been called that many times. I just can't ignore what I've seen up here and the patterns.

If you took the time to look up the same topic you would notice that there are several threads and posts on this same topic from black males in Seattle. But since there always has to be someone on these threads that offers no constructive advice whatsoever and touts the usual "it's you, not your location" mantra, I guess you came right on schedule.
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Old 02-22-2017, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Seattle
56 posts, read 32,496 times
Reputation: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by walker1962 View Post
Cleveland/Pittsburgh? Are you from the old city/metros of the Midwest/Northeast? If not, why are they areas of focus? Is it your job specialty? Family?
That's a good question. My logic is that in a place like this with higher black populations that I will have a better chance of dating. I dont really care about work as I have had no problems getting several job offers when I put in the effort.

With a higher black population I'm hoping that there will be more middle class blacks of which Seattle has a desperately low amount of. I hope that this will also help with things socially and dating wise. I picked these two cities because of the low cost of living as well as the urban dense living environments that can be had in these cities.

I've considered Philly! I really don't care about crime either. I find that if you mind your business these types really just leave you alone for the most part.
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Old 02-22-2017, 01:39 PM
 
Location: New York NY
4,263 posts, read 6,343,100 times
Reputation: 9056
Quote:
Originally Posted by walker1962 View Post
College towns for a grown man seem to have a limited pool of talent.
Baltimore ..NO. Its why everyone tries to get to D.C.
Oakland/S.F. Bay area...hope your money is huge - one bedroom apts are at $2,200 are the norm. Plus high gas prices and state taxes.


Chicago ...the only downside is the crime first. Winters can be ruthless.


By the way, Florida has its weather and relative good cost of living but economically, its a limited state with focus of tourism and the retirement industry.
Please reread my post more carefully.

I specifically said larger college towns. Evanston and Cambridge abut Chicago and Boston, Ann Arbor is commuting distance to Detroit, and the Research Triangle has over 1 million people. Ithaca is relatively isolated, but big enough, with enough folks passing through, to make a life. And nowhere does this mean you're robbing the cradle.

I never mentioned or recommended the Bay Area, and wouldn't. If OP hates Seattle, the Bay Area is not that different.

I think everyone familiar with Chicago knows that there are large, nice areas of the city where violent crime is not a day-to-day issue at all. Having winter--along with four distinct seasons--is something I like. Not afraid of snow in January or sweat in August. But that's up to the OP.

Baltimore can be a great town. Like Chicago there are very nice areas and very bad ones, but most people only hear about the latter. The good parts are not small and on par with nice areas in any other northeastern city.

Last edited by citylove101; 02-22-2017 at 01:58 PM..
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Old 02-22-2017, 06:29 PM
 
9,948 posts, read 6,881,760 times
Reputation: 4221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snagers234 View Post
If you read the original post I'm pretty sure I mentioned that most of the desirable women of other races as well as of my own race seem to always choose a lighter skinned man out here. Not searching for supermodels. I just refuse to be with the many large women who seem to chase after black men. I don't care what color they are. But Seattle is also one of the whitest cities and I could go days without seeing another minority if I wasn't working in an engineering firm. If the majority of attractive women show an aversion to dating a black male in my location it seems that I can change my location to something a little more suitable.

I would love to be with a woman of my own race, but if they refuse to date anything other than a white man. It seems I have to go interracial. Seattle is primed as one of the great interracial dating havens but having lived here I can tell you that this is mostly white men getting women of other races.

Also my government plantation comment was the observation of some blacks in the Seattle area. I do have respect for them but at the same time it seems like black women in the Seattle area come in two forms... Completely ghetto or the extreme on the other end to where they would even consider a black male. Notice how I didnt use the term "whitewash" as I have been called that many times. I just can't ignore what I've seen up here and the patterns.

If you took the time to look up the same topic you would notice that there are several threads and posts on this same topic from black males in Seattle. But since there always has to be someone on these threads that offers no constructive advice whatsoever and touts the usual "it's you, not your location" mantra, I guess you came right on schedule.
I live in Minneapolis now.....and its pretty dang white too. When I moved here I was like a kid in a candy store. Women were easy to get....white or black. Most of the black guys here were dating white females...meaning that there were a whole lot of black women for me....because they were not trying to date white men like black men were/are trying to date white women. Its only after it was obvious that the brothers were going to keep looking for white females....did black females start dating white men in large numbers. That has been the pattern every place that I have lived. It has been the black male and white females that were getting together. The sister used to hold out and wait for the brother....but they are not holding out anymore. I have yet to visit or live in a place where the first choice of black females is not black men. I bet you anything that Seattle black guys look to date white women first, leaving the black women no choice but to seek men of other races.....lest they want to man share.

If you really want a black women......you can find one. I found one in Minneapolis.....I went looking for them. I went to black gatherings of professionals....joined black organizations....went to black churches. Heck......believe it or not but the second black women I dated when I moved to Minneapolis......WAS FROM SEATTLE....lol.

I like all women.....but my preference, by far, is black women......so I don't care where I am at.....I am going to find them. Like Yellow man said in one of his songs "If all the women should be across the sea.....what a great swimmer yellow man would be". That sums up how I feel. You got to learn to swim for what you want my brother. Seattle is about the same size as Minneapolis and honestly.....I am being constructive.

But what do I know....I am just a plantation Negro.
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Old 02-22-2017, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Seattle
56 posts, read 32,496 times
Reputation: 19
Also to build on the plantation comment. It was a reference to poor, broke, blacks who almost seemingly try to reinforce stereotypes. I don't know why you keep bringing it up, but keep having fun with it I guess.

Also I'm not going to limit my interactions to the black community. In a place like Seattle? Or Minneapolis? You've got to be kidding me man. In the already low percentage of blacks in these cities there is an even smaller amount of middle class blacks.Seems like I would do much better in a city with more blacks honestly, I don't avoid black women or men but it would be crazy to segregate myself to one community, all in the attempt to find a partner. At least for me.

I've dated and been friends with individuals from every different ethnicity and upbringing.

Believe me man I do swim for what I want, just feel like I'm fighting some cultural forces out here, would rather swim in a different pond at this point.
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Old 02-23-2017, 06:42 AM
 
9,948 posts, read 6,881,760 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snagers234 View Post
Also to build on the plantation comment. It was a reference to poor, broke, blacks who almost seemingly try to reinforce stereotypes. I don't know why you keep bringing it up, but keep having fun with it I guess.

Also I'm not going to limit my interactions to the black community. In a place like Seattle? Or Minneapolis? You've got to be kidding me man. In the already low percentage of blacks in these cities there is an even smaller amount of middle class blacks.Seems like I would do much better in a city with more blacks honestly, I don't avoid black women or men but it would be crazy to segregate myself to one community, all in the attempt to find a partner. At least for me.

I've dated and been friends with individuals from every different ethnicity and upbringing.

Believe me man I do swim for what I want, just feel like I'm fighting some cultural forces out here, would rather swim in a different pond at this point.
My bad brother. It's just when I hear terms "Plantation" and "Progressives" in references to mindsets, that is usually a red flag that the author of the comments sees themselves as a "conservative". I may be wrong, but your comments sound like you could be a young Clarence Thomas type of brother....not that anything is wrong with that.....but it does help explain your difficulties, to me, if my gleanings are true. The reason being is that most black folk are "progressives/liberal", as well as black organizations, churches and gatherings. If your views are strongly antithetical to such mindsets, you would be averse to making such connections or joining such organizations.

Metro Seattle is 3.7 million people and of that total 6% are AA. The math works out to around 220,000 AA in the Seattle area. You mean out of 220,000 black people, you can't find a sister that wants to date black men. COME ON NAH! Minneapolis has similar demographics and I don't find it hard to find black women. I am a college educated professional as you. However, I did not limit myself to professional black women. I was raised in inner-cities. I know that there are a LOT of good women who are not educated professionals.....so I did not limit myself by class, which you might be doing.

I am just an average looking dark skinned brother. If I was single I bet I could go t o Seattle and tear that place up.....lol. I would have about 5 sisters my first five days there. By having I mean exchange numbers setting up dates....etc. I generally don't want women that give it up too soon. Anyway, you could too if that is what you wanted. However, I don't think that is really what you want. You don't have to segregate yourself among blacks to find a black women to date. Whatever gave you that idea?

I remember a friend of mine wanting to move to Atlanta because "they got fine women down there". Well.....he could not get fine women where he was at.....how was moving to Atlanta going to change that....it would just frustrate him more....lol.

Well, to answer your question without psycho analysis, I say give Detroit try. You mentioned that you are an Engineer and engineers are in big demand in the Detroit area. The city of Detroit is 85% black and the metro area has over a million blacks. The economy is on the upswing the the cost of living is cheap. People still see Detroit as a bankrupt failed city in misery......but that no longer describes it anymore. Billions in development is going on and accelerating. It's a city whose stock is about to take off....get it while its cheap. That said......even if you moved to Detroit....somehow I think you would still end up looking to date white women....if only because that is the type of environment in which you were raised.

Last edited by Indentured Servant; 02-23-2017 at 07:03 AM..
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