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Old 07-05-2017, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Elgin, IL
726 posts, read 550,816 times
Reputation: 417

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Not sure if this post is best placed in this particular forum or not but I'm looking for opinions...

My wife and I live in Nashville currently. It's where we originally met and where we both moved after our college years. It's a great city for many reasons (and growing exponentially) but for a long time we've debated moving back to the midwest where we're both from, namely the chicago suburbs area to be closer to my wife's family. We now have a 2yo and another baby on the way and it would be great to be closer to family for obvious reasons. Also, my wife's family has had some health concerns the past year and I know we would like to be closer to family in the coming years in regards to other possible health concerns that may or may not come up down the road. Add to the fact that after living here for a while now we don't have many close friends, even after being involved in multiple community and church groups. We probably would have moved back a year or two ago but I got a new job that we felt was a really good move and therefore decided to stay and buy a house (because renting was getting too expensive in the market here). Now we're living in a new home and I've got a good job but we feel the need more than ever to be close to family. What makes it more complicated is that my wife's family wants to move down near where we live (much warmer climate) after her dad retires which is in about 7 yrs. However, anything can happen in 7 yrs. Financially things are much better in Tn than in Chicago - another reason living here is easier. Obviously there are a lot of factors here so I'm wondering has anyone else been in a somewhat similar situation? What did you do?
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Old 07-05-2017, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Miami-Jax
6,312 posts, read 6,962,789 times
Reputation: 3502
Yeah, this probably goes in a different forum. The non-romantic relationships one generally deals with family situations.

FWIW, I would move back. It sounds like that's what you want. You guys can always plan to move back in seven years. Perhaps rent out your home in Nashville if rents are soaring at the moment. Seven years is a long time and I think life is too short to be waiting a long time to do something that makes you happier.
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Old 07-05-2017, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,558 posts, read 17,535,380 times
Reputation: 27607
This really depends on your relationship with your family. Some families are closer than others. For those who are closer, moving closer can sometimes be more beneficial.

I'm from far northeast TN. I spun my wheels here for a few hours after college and couldn't find decent work. I moved to Des Moines, then to Indianapolis. Being close to my family, things could get tough, even if you just needed a set of extra hands to carry furniture or something. Obviously with a baby, the family could help with childcare and stuff. That could potentially save you quite a bit of money.

Unless they are going to stay in Chicago long term, I wouldn't move back on account of them unless you really prefer Chicago.
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Old 07-05-2017, 07:04 PM
 
Location: The middle of nowhere
8,961 posts, read 4,099,289 times
Reputation: 7642
I moved back to my hometown in 2012 and it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. My family is highly fundamentalist Baptist and I am not and they are strongly Republican and I lean left. Moving back home has actually harmed my relationship with my parents and caused a lot of resentment to build up, and my general unhappiness with living in my hometown has left me quite unhappy with how my life has turned out.

My advice is to stay put unless you are either very close to your family or you really prefer Chicago over Nashville.
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Old 07-05-2017, 07:31 PM
 
Location: I is where I is
2,097 posts, read 1,522,521 times
Reputation: 2305
I am from Southern Indiana (as well as my wife) and we have lived in California for almost 2 years now. Before this, we lived in Nashville for about a year. So total, we've been away for about 3 years.

We ALWAYS miss our family, but also realize we are better off on the West Coast for our current careers/job market. When we go home to visit (twice a year now) it makes that time much sweeter. We DO plan on moving closer to family next year, and would love to buy a home & land in Southern Indiana. For how close we are to our families, and a kid planned in the near future, it's makes sense for us, plus we can now work our jobs/careers in most major cities.
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Old 07-06-2017, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Elgin, IL
726 posts, read 550,816 times
Reputation: 417
Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
I moved back to my hometown in 2012 and it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. My family is highly fundamentalist Baptist and I am not and they are strongly Republican and I lean left. Moving back home has actually harmed my relationship with my parents and caused a lot of resentment to build up, and my general unhappiness with living in my hometown has left me quite unhappy with how my life has turned out.

My advice is to stay put unless you are either very close to your family or you really prefer Chicago over Nashville.
I hear you. We are not close with my side of the family (a lot of drama there) but we are close with my wife's side. They are very hands off people and non-judgmental. Being closer to family would be beneficial for us. I think it'll be a matter or making other things work like selling our house and making sure I've got a good job. My company has a couple of chicago offices so it's not totally out of the question to stay with my current company.
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Old 07-06-2017, 08:51 AM
Status: "I am Blessed." (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,400 posts, read 3,962,033 times
Reputation: 8771
Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
I moved back to my hometown in 2012 and it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. My family is highly fundamentalist Baptist and I am not and they are strongly Republican and I lean left. Moving back home has actually harmed my relationship with my parents and caused a lot of resentment to build up, and my general unhappiness with living in my hometown has left me quite unhappy with how my life has turned out.

My advice is to stay put unless you are either very close to your family or you really prefer Chicago over Nashville.
I learned after moving back to Michigan when my marriage broke up "you can't go back again." EVERYTHING was different from when I lived there, locations, family, relationships, neighborhoods. I was back in Texas within 5 months.
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Old 07-06-2017, 08:56 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,043 posts, read 3,982,486 times
Reputation: 13557
SO......just a few tidbits on Chicago as I just moved from there a year ago after living there my entire life.


First, Illinois just passed raising income taxes from 3.7% to 4.9% retro to July 1st! That's an extra $1,279 in taxes a year on a $100k income. PLUS... they will be raised again soon, that's just the start. They also raised commercial taxes as well so this will lead many companies to leave Illinois....again.


Second, Illinois now has the highest property taxes in the U.S!!!


Third, the state is a fiscal mess, taxes will only get worse!


Chicago has a crime problem that is getting worse. Of course this is only if you are actually looking to live in the city, which also has terrible schools! What suburb are you thinking of moving to? I can give some insight. That could make a difference in schools and crime, but it still won't change the tax situation and COL any!

Now there are many great things about the Chicagoland area, but cost of living there is out of control. If it was me I'd stay in Tennessee! Family or not! We moved to NW Indiana and wish we had done it years ago!
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Old 07-06-2017, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Madison, WI
74 posts, read 103,028 times
Reputation: 58
Obviously this is a personal choice for you and your family, with lots of variables at play...that being said, here was my experience, which shares a lot of similarities.

My wife and I met when we both lived in Washington, DC. We are both from the midwest - Iowa and Wisconsin, so daydreaming about one-day returning to the midwest was something we bonded over as a couple. The desire to be closer to family, to start our own family and the generally high COL in DC eventually pushed us to Chicago...where we lived for 3 years, got married, had a baby...then moved again to Madison...where we bought a house and now live 1 mile from my in-laws (cue ominous music).

One factor that played into our ability to move was that my partner's job is portable - she was able to move twice, keeping the same job + salary.

Bottom line, there are tradeoffs.

Pro: Madison is a smaller, more affordable city than both Chicago and (especially) DC, but still big enough to be considered a city
Pro: Free day-care + other forms of grandparental support
Pro: Madison has an excellent beer scene, good access to outdoors, a focus on active, healthy living, good schools, etc - all things that are important to us.
Pro: The size makes the entire city accessible, easy to get involved in things of interest, etc. I guess easier to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond.

Con: My career took a couple dings - I quit 2 jobs I really enjoyed to get us to Madison, and took a significant paycut to come here. Its going to take a few years to get my career back to where I'm hoping to be.
Con: The in-laws are close - maybe too close!?
Con: We miss city living. We live in Madison, but in a SFH in a neighborhood far less dense than we were used to in Chicago/DC. We sometimes wish we'd stuck it out in DC, raised our family in a condo, etc.
Con: I'm struggling to make friends. As a 30-something with a toddler, I don't have much opportunity to put consistent effort into building and sustaining friendships.

Bottom line, the grass is always greener. I'm happy to be in Madison, because I didn't really love Chicago. I really miss DC, though. But, if we moved back to DC, after 3 years there I'd probably tell you I miss the Midwest again. You probably won't know if its the right move for you until you do it.
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Old 07-07-2017, 06:53 AM
 
Location: Elgin, IL
726 posts, read 550,816 times
Reputation: 417
Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
SO......just a few tidbits on Chicago as I just moved from there a year ago after living there my entire life.


First, Illinois just passed raising income taxes from 3.7% to 4.9% retro to July 1st! That's an extra $1,279 in taxes a year on a $100k income. PLUS... they will be raised again soon, that's just the start. They also raised commercial taxes as well so this will lead many companies to leave Illinois....again.


Second, Illinois now has the highest property taxes in the U.S!!!


Third, the state is a fiscal mess, taxes will only get worse!


Chicago has a crime problem that is getting worse. Of course this is only if you are actually looking to live in the city, which also has terrible schools! What suburb are you thinking of moving to? I can give some insight. That could make a difference in schools and crime, but it still won't change the tax situation and COL any!

Now there are many great things about the Chicagoland area, but cost of living there is out of control. If it was me I'd stay in Tennessee! Family or not! We moved to NW Indiana and wish we had done it years ago!
Ya, I read up a little bit about how bad things are getting (financially). Man, it's just not getting better, which totally sucks! We would definitely not be living in the city. My wife grew up in the suburbs and she wants to be away from the city. That said my company has their headquarters in chicago and their office is downtown, so I would likely have to commute downtown if we moved/I got a transfer... but we'll see... obviously nothing is set in stone.

Her Parents live in the west suburbs near sycamore/dekalb, so quite a ways from downtown. I would think we would want to be within half an hour of driving distance but not in the same town as them or anything. I've been thinking about NW indiana. I'm not sure if an hour and a half drive from my wife's parents would be doable for my wife though

Staying in Tn was our plan initially. Actually her parents want to move down closer to where we live in about 7 years when her dad retires from work. That said, it's 7 years away and I know my wife is worried that within that time something health related could occur (again).
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