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Old 08-16-2017, 10:42 PM
 
Location: Cbus
1,721 posts, read 1,401,284 times
Reputation: 2089

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I grew up in exurban Central New Jersey. Basically farmland converted into Mcmansions for the sole purpose of commuting to New York City. No downtown or main street, no walkable areas, no notable community events. Just a few strip malls.

The only advantage I can think of specific to the lack of community is its easy to be left alone and not be bothered by neighbors
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Old 08-17-2017, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,512 posts, read 2,971,553 times
Reputation: 2742
Quote:
Originally Posted by bjimmy24 View Post
Or ya know, the not-being-a-douche show. Civility is gone. There's your modern urbanista for you: "don't talk to me."
Does not wanting to forge communal bonds make one a douche? When I think of a douche, I think of someone who is actively engaging in uncivil behavior (unwelcome advances, drunkenness, vomiting, fist fights, staring, thefts, etc.). Not passively un-engaging in forced niceties. Simply not speaking to people unless absolutely required doesn't fit that bill, in my opinion.

Some people just really don't care about your daughter's recital or how the Phillies are doing. I think many modern cities draw such people simply because they're trying to escape such small town "community" that they've been forced to engage in all their lives. If you move to Manhattan or Tokyo, you can live out most of your life not having to be involved in any community. For some, that's heaven on Earth.

And just to clarify, I think there's a difference between being socially withdrawn/un-engaging, and being a hermit/hikikomori. The former choose to be aloof, while the latter are afflicted with some type of disorder.
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Old 08-17-2017, 07:31 AM
 
Location: DFW
6,800 posts, read 11,767,775 times
Reputation: 5149
Quote:
Originally Posted by CityGuyForLife View Post
Does not wanting to forge communal bonds make one a douche? When I think of a douche, I think of someone who is actively engaging in uncivil behavior (unwelcome advances, drunkenness, vomiting, fist fights, staring, thefts, etc.). Not passively un-engaging in forced niceties. Simply not speaking to people unless absolutely required doesn't fit that bill, in my opinion.

Some people just really don't care about your daughter's recital or how the Phillies are doing. I think many modern cities draw such people simply because they're trying to escape such small town "community" that they've been forced to engage in all their lives. If you move to Manhattan or Tokyo, you can live out most of your life not having to be involved in any community. For some, that's heaven on Earth.

And just to clarify, I think there's a difference between being socially withdrawn/un-engaging, and being a hermit/hikikomori. The former choose to be aloof, while the latter are afflicted with some type of disorder.
And big cities often have multiple communities which you can choose from rather than 1 or 2 in a smaller town.
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Old 08-17-2017, 07:42 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,494 posts, read 1,597,890 times
Reputation: 4388
Quote:
Originally Posted by CityGuyForLife View Post
Does not wanting to forge communal bonds make one a douche? When I think of a douche, I think of someone who is actively engaging in uncivil behavior (unwelcome advances, drunkenness, vomiting, fist fights, staring, thefts, etc.). Not passively un-engaging in forced niceties. Simply not speaking to people unless absolutely required doesn't fit that bill, in my opinion.
Both "community" places and large cities are equally likely to have douches. But in a "community", if a douche has a powerful role and/or is popular, he/she will be an inescapable source of misery. (Just consider the movie "Straw Dogs" and its townie characters.) In a major city, a douche is just one person, drowned out by many others.

That's why I like the suburb I live in. There are people I see regularly who at least say "hello" to; they in turn, will call 911 if I go missing. At the same time, everyone keeps to themselves, pretty much.
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