Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think one of the most common types of threads I see on this forum are threads where somebody comes by and complains, "Why is everybody in [insert city/county/state] so unfriendly?" Then they proceed to lodge complaints which invariably go along the lines of: They moved here sometime recently but have not made friends. Their neighbors don't talk much to them. Maybe they don't even smile at them or wave to them. Their kids are having problems making friends with other kids. Or their co-workers don't want to go out and do beers with them. Or something along those lines.
The reason these kinds of threads are so completely ridiculous is because EVERY city/county/state has somebody lodging such complaints. To wit:
As I said ... Pretty much EVERY city/county/state has somebody complaining that the people in that city are unfriendly. Since it is extremely unlikely that the people in EVERY city/county/state are unfriendly, clearly something else is going on. And what that something else is, is obviously a case of many people having unrealistic expectations of how people around them are supposed to behave. If you're expecting perfect strangers - even if they're your new neighbors - to go and greet you like you've been best buddies for years, then all I can say is, you have unrealistic expectations. Most people already have circles of friends and lives that are busy with other things, and you just can't expect them to suddenly go out and invite you to watch football games with them, or have a bake sale. Friends take time to develop. It's also possible that, if you find your neighbors unfriendly, maybe it's you, and not them.
I think one of the most common types of threads I see on this forum are threads where somebody comes by and complains, "Why is everybody in [insert city/county/state] so unfriendly?" Then they proceed to lodge complaints which invariably go along the lines of: They moved here sometime recently but have not made friends. Their neighbors don't talk much to them. Maybe they don't even smile at them or wave to them. Their kids are having problems making friends with other kids. Or their co-workers don't want to go out and do beers with them. Or something along those lines.
The reason these kinds of threads are so completely ridiculous is because EVERY city/county/state has somebody lodging such complaints. To wit:
As I said ... Pretty much EVERY city/county/state has somebody complaining that the people in that city are unfriendly. Since it is extremely unlikely that the people in EVERY city/county/state are unfriendly, clearly something else is going on. And what that something else is, is obviously a case of many people having unrealistic expectations of how people around them are supposed to behave. If you're expecting perfect strangers - even if they're your new neighbors - to go and greet you like you've been best buddies for years, then all I can say is, you have unrealistic expectations. Most people already have circles of friends and lives that are busy with other things, and you just can't expect them to suddenly go out and invite you to watch football games with them, or have a bake sale. Friends take time to develop. It's also possible that, if you find your neighbors unfriendly, maybe it's you, and not them.
You are right that people should never expect to make friends right away. That takes years. Believe it or not, when I've moved I've had family ask within a matter of months if I've made friends. These days it's much harder since people don't join clubs or go to church anymore (at least not like they used to), so those standby places are increasingly unavailable. These days it's also rarely worth it to make friends with parents since they solely cater to their kids. Having drinks with coworkers can be risky as you never know who the brown noser or squealer is. Yes, some people are unrealistic and you've said it best here.
To gauge if a place is unfriendly it takes a few years as well. If you have made an effort but are still coming up short, that's when you can start calling a place unfriendly. For example, I gave Wyoming four years and made an honest effort but did ultimately decide it was unfriendly.
Having lived in North Texas and South Florida, I will say the one about Miami is VERY true. Its a very unfriendly city. However I do not find Dallas unfriendly. Granted you're more likely to find rich snobs in Dallas than anywhere else in Texas but most folks in Dallas are very friendly. Miami doesn't just have rich snobs, it has poor snobs too lol.
It is definitely a hyperbole to say everyone in [x city] is [y quality].
However, I don't think it's a stretch to say in general different regions have varying social norms, paces of life, values, cultures etc.
Absolutely, and natives and locals of cities with deserved unfriendly reputations who deny such accusations, are generally not very well travelled. There's a huge difference between "friendliness" within big cities and small towns and many differences across states and regions.
The DC area is not that unfriendly. People act like it's one big grey cloud. Everyone kept buying me free drinks - guys and girls - and I'm guy. We never get free drinks. My office was full of friendly folks. My roommates were friendly and I made some good friends around town and always had a good time when we went out or hung out.
Every time I hung out around the Mall, Dupont, Adams Morgan, Alexandria, wherever, people always had smiles on their faces. Gravelly Park was a very friendly place. People say "excuse me", and even the S’sonian workers werent as much of a headache as a I figured - though one was kind of a butt when I was trying to charge my phone. Metro workers were whatever.
Overall DC is friendly. People rave on us, the South, but they forget that with our genuine southern friendliness, there is also fake "bless your heart" friendliness as well.
I have often told my spouse that an area in northern Michigan (where we have some property) seems unfriendly. I was there last month talking to the group of neighbors who I think are unfriendly and found out that not one of them is even originally from Michigan. They are all transplants from other states.
There are no cities that everyone is actually unfriendly; but places get the reputations for this for a reason, and usually there is some truth in it.
I always heard San Francisco was kind of snobby, stuck up, etc...and after being in the area for about 2 years, I agree 100%. Not everyone is unfriendly, but it’s not uncommon to deal with a$$holes everyday
Everyone is friendly if you are rich and have money to spend
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
