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Old 10-21-2017, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Kansas City, MISSOURI
9,013 posts, read 2,744,380 times
Reputation: 6946

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I think one of the most common types of threads I see on this forum are threads where somebody comes by and complains, "Why is everybody in [insert city/county/state] so unfriendly?" Then they proceed to lodge complaints which invariably go along the lines of: They moved here sometime recently but have not made friends. Their neighbors don't talk much to them. Maybe they don't even smile at them or wave to them. Their kids are having problems making friends with other kids. Or their co-workers don't want to go out and do beers with them. Or something along those lines.

The reason these kinds of threads are so completely ridiculous is because EVERY city/county/state has somebody lodging such complaints. To wit:

People in northern Virginia are unfriendly:
NoVa Unfriendly?
People in Oregon are unfriendly:
Tired of the constant gray and unfriendly atmosphere
People in Miami are unfriendly:
Is Miami really America's most unfriendly City?
People in Venice, FL are unfriendly:
Venice unfriendly
People in Bend, OR are unfriendly:
Why are people in Bend so unfriendly?
People in Port Aransas, TX are unfriendly:
Port A - so unfriendly!
People in Florence, SC are unfriendly:
florence: unfriendly? race problems? dangerous?
People in Florida are unfriendly:
Florida unfriendly to people wanting to move there?
People in Sacramento are unfriendly:
"Unfriendly People" Is this true???
People in Maui are unfriendly:
Why do people from Maui tend to be "cold" and unfriendly?
New Yorkers are unfriendly:
New Yorkers unfriendly?
Laurel, MD is unfriendly:
Laurel - Most unfriendly place I have ever seen!!
People in Dallas are unfriendly:
Why are People in Dallas so unfriendly?
People in Minnesota are unfriendly:
Minnesota: Unfriendly, with lots of bad drivers.
Philadelphia is unfriendly:
Rundown and unfriendly, is this the real Philly
Seattle is unfriendly:
Why is Seattle so unfriendly?
Newark NJ is unfriendly:
Newark NJ named the most unfriendly city on the entire planet!
Women in SF are unfriendly:
Why are the women in SF so unfriendly?
Kansas Citians are polite but unfriendly:
Is it true that Kansas City citizens are polite but VERY UNFRIENDLY to Newcomers?

As I said ... Pretty much EVERY city/county/state has somebody complaining that the people in that city are unfriendly. Since it is extremely unlikely that the people in EVERY city/county/state are unfriendly, clearly something else is going on. And what that something else is, is obviously a case of many people having unrealistic expectations of how people around them are supposed to behave. If you're expecting perfect strangers - even if they're your new neighbors - to go and greet you like you've been best buddies for years, then all I can say is, you have unrealistic expectations. Most people already have circles of friends and lives that are busy with other things, and you just can't expect them to suddenly go out and invite you to watch football games with them, or have a bake sale. Friends take time to develop. It's also possible that, if you find your neighbors unfriendly, maybe it's you, and not them.
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Old 10-21-2017, 11:58 PM
 
Location: Cbus
1,721 posts, read 1,405,651 times
Reputation: 2089
It is definitely a hyperbole to say everyone in [x city] is [y quality].

However, I don't think it's a stretch to say in general different regions have varying social norms, paces of life, values, cultures etc.
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Old 10-22-2017, 09:35 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,745 posts, read 9,047,244 times
Reputation: 11153
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Bond 007 View Post
I think one of the most common types of threads I see on this forum are threads where somebody comes by and complains, "Why is everybody in [insert city/county/state] so unfriendly?" Then they proceed to lodge complaints which invariably go along the lines of: They moved here sometime recently but have not made friends. Their neighbors don't talk much to them. Maybe they don't even smile at them or wave to them. Their kids are having problems making friends with other kids. Or their co-workers don't want to go out and do beers with them. Or something along those lines.

The reason these kinds of threads are so completely ridiculous is because EVERY city/county/state has somebody lodging such complaints. To wit:

People in northern Virginia are unfriendly:
NoVa Unfriendly?
People in Oregon are unfriendly:
Tired of the constant gray and unfriendly atmosphere
People in Miami are unfriendly:
Is Miami really America's most unfriendly City?
People in Venice, FL are unfriendly:
Venice unfriendly
People in Bend, OR are unfriendly:
Why are people in Bend so unfriendly?
People in Port Aransas, TX are unfriendly:
Port A - so unfriendly!
People in Florence, SC are unfriendly:
florence: unfriendly? race problems? dangerous?
People in Florida are unfriendly:
Florida unfriendly to people wanting to move there?
People in Sacramento are unfriendly:
"Unfriendly People" Is this true???
People in Maui are unfriendly:
Why do people from Maui tend to be "cold" and unfriendly?
New Yorkers are unfriendly:
New Yorkers unfriendly?
Laurel, MD is unfriendly:
Laurel - Most unfriendly place I have ever seen!!
People in Dallas are unfriendly:
Why are People in Dallas so unfriendly?
People in Minnesota are unfriendly:
Minnesota: Unfriendly, with lots of bad drivers.
Philadelphia is unfriendly:
Rundown and unfriendly, is this the real Philly
Seattle is unfriendly:
Why is Seattle so unfriendly?
Newark NJ is unfriendly:
Newark NJ named the most unfriendly city on the entire planet!
Women in SF are unfriendly:
Why are the women in SF so unfriendly?
Kansas Citians are polite but unfriendly:
Is it true that Kansas City citizens are polite but VERY UNFRIENDLY to Newcomers?

As I said ... Pretty much EVERY city/county/state has somebody complaining that the people in that city are unfriendly. Since it is extremely unlikely that the people in EVERY city/county/state are unfriendly, clearly something else is going on. And what that something else is, is obviously a case of many people having unrealistic expectations of how people around them are supposed to behave. If you're expecting perfect strangers - even if they're your new neighbors - to go and greet you like you've been best buddies for years, then all I can say is, you have unrealistic expectations. Most people already have circles of friends and lives that are busy with other things, and you just can't expect them to suddenly go out and invite you to watch football games with them, or have a bake sale. Friends take time to develop. It's also possible that, if you find your neighbors unfriendly, maybe it's you, and not them.
You are right that people should never expect to make friends right away. That takes years. Believe it or not, when I've moved I've had family ask within a matter of months if I've made friends. These days it's much harder since people don't join clubs or go to church anymore (at least not like they used to), so those standby places are increasingly unavailable. These days it's also rarely worth it to make friends with parents since they solely cater to their kids. Having drinks with coworkers can be risky as you never know who the brown noser or squealer is. Yes, some people are unrealistic and you've said it best here.

To gauge if a place is unfriendly it takes a few years as well. If you have made an effort but are still coming up short, that's when you can start calling a place unfriendly. For example, I gave Wyoming four years and made an honest effort but did ultimately decide it was unfriendly.
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Old 10-23-2017, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Minneapolis, MN
6,066 posts, read 3,395,846 times
Reputation: 7710
Having lived in North Texas and South Florida, I will say the one about Miami is VERY true. Its a very unfriendly city. However I do not find Dallas unfriendly. Granted you're more likely to find rich snobs in Dallas than anywhere else in Texas but most folks in Dallas are very friendly. Miami doesn't just have rich snobs, it has poor snobs too lol.
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Old 10-23-2017, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Minneapolis, MN
6,066 posts, read 3,395,846 times
Reputation: 7710
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckeye614 View Post
It is definitely a hyperbole to say everyone in [x city] is [y quality].

However, I don't think it's a stretch to say in general different regions have varying social norms, paces of life, values, cultures etc.
Absolutely, and natives and locals of cities with deserved unfriendly reputations who deny such accusations, are generally not very well travelled. There's a huge difference between "friendliness" within big cities and small towns and many differences across states and regions.
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Old 10-23-2017, 04:48 PM
 
Location: 352
5,122 posts, read 3,890,629 times
Reputation: 3491
The DC area is not that unfriendly. People act like it's one big grey cloud. Everyone kept buying me free drinks - guys and girls - and I'm guy. We never get free drinks. My office was full of friendly folks. My roommates were friendly and I made some good friends around town and always had a good time when we went out or hung out.

Every time I hung out around the Mall, Dupont, Adams Morgan, Alexandria, wherever, people always had smiles on their faces. Gravelly Park was a very friendly place. People say "excuse me", and even the S’sonian workers werent as much of a headache as a I figured - though one was kind of a butt when I was trying to charge my phone. Metro workers were whatever.

Overall DC is friendly. People rave on us, the South, but they forget that with our genuine southern friendliness, there is also fake "bless your heart" friendliness as well.
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Old 10-23-2017, 04:54 PM
 
5,196 posts, read 2,775,126 times
Reputation: 9528
Miami is very unfriendly unless you have money to spend and you're spending it on them.
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Old 10-23-2017, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,655 posts, read 8,670,914 times
Reputation: 6769
I have often told my spouse that an area in northern Michigan (where we have some property) seems unfriendly. I was there last month talking to the group of neighbors who I think are unfriendly and found out that not one of them is even originally from Michigan. They are all transplants from other states.
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Old 10-23-2017, 09:01 PM
 
Location: I is where I is
2,097 posts, read 1,529,411 times
Reputation: 2315
There are no cities that everyone is actually unfriendly; but places get the reputations for this for a reason, and usually there is some truth in it.

I always heard San Francisco was kind of snobby, stuck up, etc...and after being in the area for about 2 years, I agree 100%. Not everyone is unfriendly, but it’s not uncommon to deal with a$$holes everyday
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Old 10-23-2017, 09:08 PM
 
Location: Nashville TN, Cincinnati, OH
1,798 posts, read 1,166,528 times
Reputation: 2321
Everyone is friendly if you are rich and have money to spend
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