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Old 11-10-2017, 10:20 AM
 
3,926 posts, read 4,067,269 times
Reputation: 2619

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Given what u said, it appears that her needs / desires are critical. What U.S. place did she previously reject and was it particulars or the U.S. in general? What does she want most / least? Do CA / AZ / UT have it? Why go to them over CO? It sounds like you are mostly shopping for a city and the specific environment is more bonus than essential. Do your wife and kids have any significant interest in outdoor activities or share your city size or climate preferences?


Based on the new info, look at Broomfield, Lafayette, Louisville, Longmont, Loveland.


If you go to Cali, consider Chico or nearby. AZ, Flagstaff or Prescott. NV, Carson City. If you go to bigger cities, then there is a mismatch between actions and at least your desires.




Can you meet your recreational and weather desires on vacations? Are they so important as to prompt further family disruption or break-up? Move now vs. 5-10 years from now?

Last edited by NW Crow; 11-10-2017 at 11:09 AM..
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Old 11-10-2017, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Gilbert, AZ
3,182 posts, read 1,964,341 times
Reputation: 3321
Quote:
Originally Posted by J0hnnyMac View Post
my wife always knew that my longterm future was in the US and she agreed and wanted to be part of that. To cut to the chase, we came back to America, I went first to get settled in my job and find a place for us to live together. She eventually came over with the kids and only stayed 3 months, then took the kids and went back to Scotland, leaving me in the US alone.

What has changed since then that would make you think it's worth trying this again?
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Old 11-10-2017, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Scotland, UK
27 posts, read 14,495 times
Reputation: 31
I just feel that after everything, I have gave up all my dreams and aspirations, where as she hasnt given up on anything. Plus, I was set for life in the US, had a great job and financially I was in the best position I ever was. As time goes on, im thinking over the entire situation of while i was in America working my balls off to bring my wife and kids, she ws back here with another guy and totally taking the **** out of me. Sure I forgave her and we are still together, but i contantly see me sacrificing everything for her, where as she is sacrificing nothing for me.
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Old 11-10-2017, 12:35 PM
 
3,926 posts, read 4,067,269 times
Reputation: 2619
Have you been to Colorado? Either way, come for a week to check it out further if it appeals.
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Old 11-10-2017, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Gilbert, AZ
3,182 posts, read 1,964,341 times
Reputation: 3321
Quote:
Originally Posted by J0hnnyMac View Post
I just feel that after everything, I have gave up all my dreams and aspirations, where as she hasnt given up on anything. Plus, I was set for life in the US, had a great job and financially I was in the best position I ever was. As time goes on, im thinking over the entire situation of while i was in America working my balls off to bring my wife and kids, she was back here with another guy and totally taking the **** out of me. Sure I forgave her and we are still together, but i contantly see me sacrificing everything for her, where as she is sacrificing nothing for me.

I think the odds are long that things will change significantly. It is unfortunate, but to be together for such a long time and be treated like this is not a good sign. You should post this on the Relationship Forum to get some advice there.


If she is willing to try the U.S. again I suppose there's little harm. But honestly I would not put too much pressure on her. Make your own choice, to stay in Scotland or come to U.S., and then have a talk with her. The only thing I will recommend is that you choose a place with a lower cost of living. While it would be possible to live on $40k in Colorado, you would find it a lot easier in some other places (assuming the pay would be similar).
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Old 11-10-2017, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Scotland, UK
27 posts, read 14,495 times
Reputation: 31
No ive never been to Colorado, but i would like to visit. I might just do that.

As for what I would expect to earn, I would earn more than $40,000 per year, I epect to earn closer to the 50K or even more than that. I was just saying $40K as a worst case scenario. But Colorado is definitely somewhere that im drawn to - for sure.
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Old 11-10-2017, 01:32 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,631 posts, read 39,998,659 times
Reputation: 23790
Quote:
Originally Posted by J0hnnyMac View Post
I just feel that after everything, I have gave up all my dreams and aspirations, where as she hasnt given up on anything. Plus, I was set for life in the US, had a great job and financially I was in the best position I ever was. ...but i contantly see me sacrificing everything for her, where as she is sacrificing nothing for me.
Such is life as married or a parent or doing eldercare for your parents... (life is not fair, life is not share, life is COMMIT and deliver)

BTDT all my life and I expect for the rest of my life too. (caregiving for an ill spouse) AFTER 30+ yrs caregiving for ill parents WHILE pursuing my 'dreams'?

Certainly NOT where I would choose.. but I am only one element of the whole equation.

So I (We) deal with it as best possible and NOT to the desire of either / all.

Being a prairie and Colorado kid for 28 yrs (i.e. sunny and dry)... the subsequent 30+yrs of DRIZZLE (280+ days / yr) have been very miserable for my tastes, hobbies, activities, employment.

But it has taught me a lot about giving to others / being unselfish. Now.. the parents are dead and the kids are GONE, and so I TOO am ... GONE! (to CO at least 1/ month, but it will never be able to be home again)

Last edited by StealthRabbit; 11-10-2017 at 01:41 PM..
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Old 11-10-2017, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Gilbert, AZ
3,182 posts, read 1,964,341 times
Reputation: 3321
Quote:
Originally Posted by J0hnnyMac View Post
As for what I would expect to earn, I would earn more than $40,000 per year, I epect to earn closer to the 50K or even more than that. I was just saying $40K as a worst case scenario. But Colorado is definitely somewhere that im drawn to - for sure.

You can rent a small apartment on that income, but if you have any aspiration of owning your own home I would definitely explore some other locations.
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Old 11-10-2017, 01:50 PM
 
20,916 posts, read 39,207,929 times
Reputation: 19212
Moved to General USA as OP is considering CO, NV, AZ and CA.....
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Old 11-10-2017, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
5,616 posts, read 3,948,402 times
Reputation: 7917
Flagstaff, AZ sounds like a pretty good fit for you.
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